Well, I'm back with my catty, bitchy commentary on American Idol. I waited until they got to the big stage, because really, until then, what's the point? From worst to best, here we go:
Anoop Desai - A bad Michael Jackson impersonation. End of story. (He's still my favorite, okay, really end of story.)
Jasmine Murray - It was dull. It was lifeless. It wasn't relevant at all. She did the old version with an ATTEMPT at the new vocals--an attempt which failed. Before it was over, I was wishing for a medic to rush onstage and put the paddles on her chest. And what was with the background? Is Simon Fuller trying to bring back Laugh-In? Confusing.
Scott MacIntyre - Okay--let me just ask, does ANYBODY think this guy is going to win this competition? Are the Claymates looking for another closeted boy who resembles Art Garfunkel and loves Jesus? This is why I come in for the Top 13, that way I'm not influenced by anything but the big picture, and the big pictures is--Good voice--very Donny Osmond-esque aka not playable on radio. So the point is...?
Megan Joy - What in the WORLD would possess you to sing 'Rockin' Robin?' I think the goal was to do Amy Winehouse does the Jackson 5--it worked, but I still didn't like it.
Allison Iraheta - I don't care how old you are, and I don't like when they make it an issue with any contestant on any season. I was bored with her five minutes in, and I think whatever she does one of the other contestants does better--who you ask? Scroll down.
Lil Rounds - I thought she was all fluff, no substance. I don't buy all that "Help me, Jesus" bullshit--and I literally mean "I don't buy it," as in music. She can probably pull off a few Natalie Cole covers, but that's about it. I like to say that if they've already crowned an Idol whose done what you're doing, you need to do something else--so maybe somebody needs to look up Fantasia.
Jorge Nunez - At one point the song got away from him, and by "got away" I mean, it ran for the hills because he's f**king creepy. He looked like he was trying to seduce a young Puerto Rican girl in a back alley. Is Tony Orlando coming back? Is Jorge the resurrection? Who can say? All that I CAN say is, vocals--all right, performance--not so swell. I do like his broken English though; it's quaint--like a cameo character on a CBS sitcom.
Michael Sarver - A few questions... Do crazy religious freaks ever win this competition? Did somebody HAVE to do "You Are Not Alone?" Did Nick Lachey get a face-switch? I thought he had one of the best voices, and I'd put him in a boy band in a second, but he might hit the problem all the Mormons hit last season--"What do I do when I have to sing sexy songs?"
Alexis Grace - She might just run into the Carly problem from last year--being a one-note number. I love her voice, but we've got a Kelly, and now that she's back, we don't need another one. I liked that she went for a lesser-known song, but it got a little repetitive. She outdoes Allison, however, when it comes to the vocal. Why are there so many one-note rock chicks every year? Can't rocker girls sing anything other than rock? Can't they find someone who can? Kelly could sing swing music, for godsakes. That being said, I'd still buy an ITunes single of her singing "Black Velvet."
Matt Giraud - It was interesting. I have the feeling that he can do a lot better, but this wasn't bad. I like the mix of a slightly country voice with a piano, easy-going sound. I like what he did with the song. Overall I like the word Simon came up with, "solid." It was solid.
Danny Gokey - He tore that stage up. A few seconds in, I was sure I was going to hate it, and then before I knew it I was throwing my hands in the air like I just didn't care. I do agree with Simon though, he's Michael MacDonald Jr--is that a good thing? Hmm... Who cares? He's fun. American Idol is supposed to be fun--remember?
Kris Allen - The only person who actually tried to reinvent their song using a different genre, which was sorely disappointing overall for the night, but oh well, he was great. I liked that he played guitar; it made the performance more fun. And I forgot how much I liked the song. A little boy band, a little John Mayer, yes and yes, but someone you can definitely see on the radio, and not just because he's a boy 12-year-old girls love (cough cough David Archuleta cough cough.) Best performance of the night.
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