This Can't Be Broccoli

Dear VH1, Thank you for bringing back Divas Live. As a little gay child, I used to anticipate the Divas concert every year--much like how I imagine normal children anticipated Easter or Flag Day. Divas '99 with Tina, Cher, and Whitney may have been the gayest night ever recorded in the history of television. Tina and Cher, with Elton John on back-up, belting out "Proud Mary" was so incredible, I blacked out during it and woke up halfway through high school with streaks in my hair wearing skinny jeans. Now, after a far-too-long hiatus (and, let's face it, a few failed opportunies--See Divas Duets where none of the Divas actually dueted with each other aside from Beyonce and...horrible flashback...Jewel) the show is coming back. I could barely contain my excitement. Then I heard the line-up, and I contained that excitement faster than my mother contains potato salad at a 4th of July party. Let's list the artists in order of how happy I am to see them: Adele - Ama

Some things you learn if you stay up until 3am every night watching the Game Show Network: 1) Alex Trebek is a dickhead, but Dick Clark is a much bigger dickhead. Whereas Trebek will make snide comments to the contestants when they're not performing well, Clark will fully dissect every wrong move AND say things like "They'll need two points to win the game, so I'd just consider myself a loser right now. NO WAY are they not getting those two points. You might as well just leave." Who would have thought that at any point in my life I'd be hating Dick Clark? 2) If you get on Pyramid, demand that Joanne Worley be your celebrity. That bitch is ridiculous. The only one who bests her is Shelly Smith, a little known actress from the 80's. She was unstoppable, but I don't think she qualifies as a celebrity anymore. 3) Family Feud is infuriating because it shows how dumb most people are, for example: When asked to name the Smartest People in history,

Looking for a good, summer read? These books are fantastic--and they're all slim enough to bring to the beach. Here are my summer reading picks. Just call me Oprah. 1) Social Crimes by Jane Stanton Hitchcock As far as chick lit goes, this is the best. It's All About Eve meets The Devil Wears Prada . A frothy (that's right, I said frothy) soap opera that you can knock off in one trip to the beach. If you love it, there's a sequel-- One Dangerous Lady (don't worry, it's not Oprah's biography.) 2) The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls The best autobiography about mountain people I've ever read--okay, don't run yet. Jeannette Walls' childhood was crazy, funny, and at times, a giant FML post. That being said, she's grew up to be one hell of a good writer. Everyone I recommend this book to ends up loving it. So, you know, thank me later. 3) Geek Love by Katherine Dunn A family of circus freaks. Albino hunchback protagonists. Machiav