Keep Me Going

Because I think it's important to have a living will, I am issuing the following instruction--not "instructions," not plural, no. One simple instruction:

Keep Me Going

I don't care what it takes.

I don't care if everything but my head has to be robotic.

I don't care if a machine the size of a living room has to be utilized to keep me alive.

Keep Me Going

Remember "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly?" I might do my best work when all I'm able to do is blink and lift my big toe. Who can say?

I don't care if I'll need eighteen surgeries and afterwards I'll look like Billy Crystal and Carol Kane's son in "The Princess Bride."

I don't care if they refer to me as "a medical catastrophe" or just "Wow, poor thing."

I don't care.

Keep me going.

I don't care if I'm in a coma--in the words of Drew Carey, who knows what a coma is like? Maybe comas are great. "I have healthcare, f**k 'em!"

I'm with you, Drew.

It's not that I'm religious or pro-life.

I just have a supreme sense of self-importance.

...And I refuse to die until I've won an Oscar. I'll star in a movie about a guy in a coma and then they'll have to give me the Oscar out of pity--and because of how believable I'll be.

So believe me--I'm not joking.

Keep me going.