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Gays and Muslims

First, read this--http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2009/09/15/pew-study-muslims-and-gays-most-discriminated-in-america/.

Here are my ideas for killing two birds with one stone as far as this whole "Everybody Hates Gays and Muslims" problem:

1) A New HBO Show

HBO can make anybody like you. What other network could take blood-thirsty mob bosses and blood-thirsty vampires and make them into sex symbols and t-shirts? I say we pitch this idea to HBO--"Haroun the Homo." It'll be the story of a Muslim man coming to terms with his sexuality...and the fact that he's a vampire. (Hey, what do you want from me? Vampires are big now. By the way, how sad is it that fictional, undead assholes are more popular than the gays are right now?)

2) Two New Hosts on The View

Why hasn't The View had a lesbian on it yet? Oh sure, Ellen has the lesbian-talk-show-host niche nearly filled--keyword: nearly. I say give Rachel Maddow a day job, and get her on that couch! Even Elisabeth likes her, and I'm pretty sure she's Fred Phelps' niece (not that I'm trying to start any rumors). Then add a Muslim woman, and after a year, you can spin her and Rachel off onto their own show and get them far away from Sherri who will probably try to convert the Muslim woman towards Christ's love and give Rachel a manicure at the same time.

3) A New Theme Park

First you go on the Liza Minnelli Bumper Cars (Look out! It's the next comeback!) then you go on the Ramadan roller coaster. Plus, just imagine the live entertainment during the day. It'll be the biggest clash of cultures since Jewel sang with Beyonce on Divas Live.

Have I shown you the clip? Well, you need to see it again: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zys_kE8G-6o

4) A New Celebrity Endorsement

Another celebrity coming out of the closet? Sooo 2004. I say we find someone willing to come out as being both gay AND Muslim. Here are my top choices:

4-1) Omar Epps
4-2) Cuba Gooding Jr.
4-3) Renee Zellwegger
4-4) Juice Newton
4-5) Robert Palmer

That last one is a win-win for everyone. We all get to hear "Simply Irresistible" again AND Robert gets to be relevant for the first time since The Facts of Life was appointment television.

5) A New Series of Teen Novels

Think "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" but with a group of gay kids who all decide to become Muslims. Okay, I guess it's not really like the "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants..." Oh wait! They can all wear pants! Do Muslims wear pants? I'm assuming they do. I hope they do.

Otherwise, I might have to rethink this whole "joining forces" thing.

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