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My Failed Flash Mob

I tried to start a flash mob in downtown Providence.

I figured that if Oprah Winfrey could get thousands of people to dance to the BEP's, then I could get at least a tenth of that to dance to one of the most infectious songs of all time--

"Boogie Wonderland"

Oh sure. You think it's silly. You think it's dated. You think that the minute you hear it you have images of Liza doing coke at Studio 54 running through your head.

Think whatever you want.

When "Boogie Wonderland" comes on, you're going to dance.

So I took a CD Player, two giant speakers, and a copy of Earth, Wind, and Fire's greatest hits CD to Kennedy Plaza downtown, and attempted to start my own flash mob.

Well, I hit my first snag right away.

Apparently, a flash mob is something you need to plan. When I showed up downtown and realized that I was going to need more people than the twenty or so that were walking around KP, I instantly took to Facebook and bribed...uh...beseeched any and all of my friends to come down and groove with me.

About four showed up, but I wasn't going to let that dissuade me.

After all, what does "mob" mean anyway? What exactly is a mob? Can two people be a mob? What if they're wearing ties with large knots and they're packing heat? Does that constitute a mob?

I was determined to make this ragtag group of...four people...a flash mob.

Then that nasty old word came back again: Preparation.

I guess it's asking too much for people to just know how to do dance moves in synchronicity with each other. I realize you should choreograph some stuff ahead of time, but how hard is it to pick up 'Step, touch, step, touch?' At one point I suggested we cut our losses and try to set a record for the fewest amount of people doing the Electric Slide, but nobody went along with the idea.

Before long, my flash mob dispersed to the Starbucks in the Biltmore. I was more than a little disappointed. Nobody had even bothered to tape us so that we could become a Youtube sensation.

I guess it's back to the drawing board.

And by drawing board, I mean try to get a baby to do the Hustle.

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