The Great Spanking Debate

"Basically, you're wrong."

This was my mother's response when I told her that I feel spanking is wrong.

"No, spanking is justified. You, sweetheart, are wrong."

When my mother wants to be condescending, I become "sweetheart."

"Plus you don't get to have an opinion."
"Why?"
"Because you don't have children."
"I was a child."
"That doesn't count."
"That's like a chef telling a customer they don't have a right to question the food."
"When you pay me for raising you, then you can comment."

This is why our arguments go from civil to felony in under five minutes.

"Could you at least admit that some people don't spank and their kids turn out fine?"
"Are you referring to your aunt?"
"Yes."
"That doesn't count."
"Why?"
"Because she's more patient than I was. She's sub-human. Her kids could scream in her face and she'd just take a deep breath and put them in time out."
"I believe that's called good parenting."
"Well, I didn't have the time for that."
"She had just as little time as you did. She worked full-time too. You were both single parents."
"Again, she had patience."
"If you didn't have patience, why did you have kids?"
"Are you suggesting I shouldn't have had you? Are you actually questioning your own existence?"
"YES!"

I hate when people do that--when they make it sound like they were forced to have kids. There are clinics and adoption agencies. Don't tell me you don't have choices.

"Well, look at you on your high horse."

My mother, obviously, disagrees.

"Why don't I go find you a screaming child--"
"That's the thing! I never screamed!"
"You're screaming now!"
"BECAUSE NOW I CAN!"

I also decided to bring up the "Spank a kid and they stop" idea.

"You realize that all of the things you spanked me for did not go away just because you spanked me. You spanked me when I talked back, and I still talked back. I talk back to this day. So clearly, spanking didn't work."
"So what are you trying to say?"
"That it was a quick fix."
"It absolutely was a quick fix."
"You're admitting to that?"
"Yes! I used to work ten hours days! Quick fixes were a blessing! A father who was actually useful would have been a blessing too, but I didn't get that."
"And that was my fault?"
"No, but I was hoping you'd be a little sensitive about it."
"I was hoping you wouldn't trot it out as an excuse but there you go."

I know, I know--I'm a bitch, but as you can see, I was raised by the best.

"Here's the other thing I don't understand: If I had gone to school and punched a kid, I'd have gotten in trouble meaning a spanking. So to teach me not to hit, you'd hit me."
"I didn't hit you. I spanked you."
"Same thing."
"No, it's not."
"No, it really is. It's just more of a ritual."
"Disagree."
"So if a husband were to spank his wife when he was displeased with her, that would be acceptable?"
"Why don't we call up your grandmother? Since you seem to think I came up with this method of discipline out of nowhere. She used to hit. You want to talk about hitting? THAT was hitting. I never hit you like that."
"Grandma says she disagrees with spanking."
"Spanking her grandkids maybe. She's another hypocrite. Maybe that's where you get it from."

Ohhhhhhhh...That's when it was ON.

"Your decisions are your decisions. Not anybody else's."
"And they're not decisions you get to have an issue with until you have a twenty-old kid. Then you can talk about MY decisions."
"You should be able to stand by them."
"And I do."
"Fine, but then stand by the fact that they didn't work, they were humiliating, and in those moments, I really hated you."

That seemed to strike her the most.

"I hated you in those moments, Mom. Your child HATED you. Now think about how many spankings there were and think about me hating you all those times. Maybe then you'll realize why we still don't really get along that well."

That was the end of the conversation.

For now anyway...