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Kevin Broccoli's "Rent"

I have some exciting news.

Tonight, I'll be opening my production of "Rent."

Now, granted, this all happened rather fast. I decided to do the show last Friday, and after a grueling two-day audition, we only had three days to rehearse.

That being said, the show is fantastic.

Because, c'mon, it's "Rent." It can't be bad. It's impossible. That would be like chocolate being bad. I mean, you could put chocolate in a rotted head of lettuce and it would still be good BECAUSE IT'S CHOCOLATE.

That's what my production of "Rent" is going to be like--without the lettuce, obvi.

My cast is so amazing. It's seriously ridic.

Roger is this guy Vance, who I found working as a mime on the street outside the Starbucks I go to. Now, he won't talk or anything, but who says Roger has to talk? I mean, is it REQUIRED that he talk? Almost of all of his lines can be mimed. Plus, seeing "One Song Glory" deconstructed into finger puppets is going to be so amazing for the audience. I really think it's much more moving this way. I mean, I know some of you would rather hear Roger SING "One Song Glory," but seriously, open your minds people.

Mark is actually being played by two people, because the guy Thom that I wanted is a conjoined twin, so I had to cast him and Thomas, his brother. Thom is so good, it totally makes up for Thomas, who is wicked lackluster. But I mean, in theater, there's always compromises, you know? I mean, do I wish that Thom and Thomas were one person? Yeah, but I'm sure their mom does too. Compromise, people, compromise.

Mimi is twelve, which some people might find offensive, but I think it's gritty. I'm adding a scene into the show where she gets beaten up by a John. I mean, I know it's not in the script, but like, are you expecting me to be a slave to the script? Because that's not what I'm about. A Kevin Broccoli production is all about INTERPRETATION, not LIMITATIONS. It's been super challenging rehearsing with her though, because she has to be home by nine o'clock or her mother gets mad. We had her tell her mom that we were doing Seussical, which might end up getting us shut down, but I was willing to take that chance, because I stop at nothing to support my vision. OMG, and the way she belts "Out Tonight," I can practically hear her pre-developed vocal chords snapping--it's AMAZING.

Maureen is forty-seven, which is kinda too old, but whatever. She's also a soprano, but whatever. She also sometimes forgets the lyrics to "Over the Moon" and switches over into "That Old Devil Moon," but whatever--honest mistake. She also is the girl playing Mimi's homeroom teacher, but whatever. She also brings her cat to every show, but whatever. Whatever, because listen--she lived in New York for a year and got called back for a touring production of "Fiddler." You expected me not to cast her? Are you crazy? Do you turn away a rainbow when it shows up on your doorstep? I don't think so.

Angel is a girl, because none of the boys would put on the Santa outfit. Now that we've slaved over the show for the past three days though, I don't see why Angel can't be a girl. I actually think it's better as a girl. I actually think Jonathan Larson meant to make it a girl, and then just forgot that it was a boy, and then forgot to change it back. I mean, who can say, right?

Collins is--and this my ace in the hole--Cory Feldman. That's right. My production has star power. Sign your name on that bottom line, kids.

We cut Benny out of the show, because he's not important and we also didn't have anyone else show up at auditions.

So as you can tell, the show is going to be phenomenal.

Some people are all like, Ohhhh, you're desecrating this amazing show.

Oh yeah? What's desecrating mean?

Plus, we're totally not. We're celebrating this show by changing it into something that we can perform in a church basement so that god-fearing Christians and our parents will love it.

That's called--spreading the joy.

So yeah, come see Kevin Broccoi's "Rent." It's going to blow you away.

Just don't come on Sunday, because we're only doing Act One that day, because Act Two is a total downer, and who needs that on a Sunday afternoon?

See you there!

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