The Nail Biter

I bite my nails.

I've been trying to give it up, but lately I've surrendered to the fact that we all have our crutches in life, and mine is nail biting.

Unfortunately, the world disagrees with me.

Every time I bite my nails, someone points out that I shouldn't.

Now, when I was trying to quit, this was very helpful. Now that I've ceased quitting; it's really annoying.

I don't understand why nail biting is the one addiction people feel they can comment on.

I don't walk into bars and announce to everyone that they're killing their livers and their relationships with their children.

I don't walk up to smokers with photos of black lung.

I don't remark to my father that drinking four bottles of Coke a day is probably not the best idea.

I let the world have its addictions.

Why can't it let me have mine?

My addiction doesn't cost money. It doesn't infringe on anybody else. In terms of being gross, it's not bad considering most people clip their nails anyway.

As for the old "you'll get an infection," that's ridiculous. I've been biting my nails since I was seven, and I've never had an infection.

You anti-nail biters need to come up with a better campaign, because that one's now been labeled "urban legend."

So yes, I am going to try to quit biting my nails--someday.

But not today.

And if you have anything to say about it, I'll point to the bingo card in your hand, and ask you when the last time you had the money for an oil change was...

...Grandma.