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Details Goes Where GQ Failed

After GQ failed to teach me how to dress, I decided to pop over to Details Magazine, where I found this list of style rules that the good people at Closet Case Monthly (I mean, Details Magazine) feel I need to know.

http://www.details.com/style-advice/rules-of-style/200912/details-2009-best-rules-of-style#slide=1

Now, what constitutes being buttoned down? I've always thought that as long as it was impossible to yank the shirt and see nipple, you were okay.

I agree that plunging necklines tend to look better on Oscar gowns, but a part of me is always curious as to who can take their neckline down the furthest without it simply being a shirt split in half.

So far, I haven't seen anybody hit navel, but I'm hoping 2010 will be the year it happens.

http://www.details.com/style-advice/rules-of-style/200912/details-2009-best-rules-of-style#slide=2

Let serial killers dress you. (These guys are serial killers, right? I'm not imagining that the looks on their faces mean they just killed two hookers, ate some cereal, and called it a day?)

http://www.details.com/style-advice/rules-of-style/200912/details-2009-best-rules-of-style#slide=3

GQ tried this "wear white denim" nonsense on me, too. I wasn't buying it from them and I'm certainly not buying it from you and your trio of circle jerk Stepford Wives, Details Magazine.

http://www.details.com/style-advice/rules-of-style/200912/details-2009-best-rules-of-style#slide=4

It's very important to know which Miami is the cool Miami. Apparently there are at least twenty different Miami's within Miami and if you're caught shopping in the wrong Miami, God help you.

http://www.details.com/style-advice/rules-of-style/200912/details-2009-best-rules-of-style#slide=5

I'm pretty sure these are the sneakers they make you wear in the Special Olympics. (It's not mean if it's true.)

http://www.details.com/style-advice/rules-of-style/200912/details-2009-best-rules-of-style#slide=5

Two more serial killers discussing such important topics as how to wear a cardigan and where the best places are in Miami to dump a body--God help you if you dump a body in the WRONG Miami.

http://www.details.com/style-advice/rules-of-style/200912/details-2009-best-rules-of-style#slide=7

Ladies and gentlemen, the lumberjack is back.

http://www.details.com/style-advice/rules-of-style/200912/details-2009-best-rules-of-style#slide=8

How much do you want to bet that at least one of these watches cost more than my mother's house?

http://www.details.com/style-advice/rules-of-style/200912/details-2009-best-rules-of-style#slide=9

If you're tired of shopping in Miami #8 (The Almost-Right Miami) you can head to New York and shop out of a rehearsal hall in between the actors practicing scenes from twenties' musicals. Five, six, seven, eight--

So what have I learned today?

1) Serial killers know how to dress.
2) Don't show nipple.
3) Miami is a state of mind.
4) I shouldn't have thrown out my lumberjack hat.
5) If you wear flamboyant sneakers and tight-fitting white pants, you'll be the best-looking guy in town.

Did you get all that?

Because there might be a quiz given to you--administered by the guys eating cereal.

(Yeah, I would be nervous too)

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