GQ thinks I should listen to Gianluca Isaia, presumably because he's Italian and clearly very wealthy.
(Poor people are never named Gianluca.)
So they're letting me gaze into his twisted mind to hear his rules of style.
I figured, what the hell? If anyone knows the meaning of life, it's a guy with a last name I can't pronounce.
Teach me, Strega Nona.
1. A few years ago, guys had to identify their style as either fashiony or traditional. Those somewhere in the middle were considered indecisive. Now if you're in the middle, you can take the best from both worlds and create something new. For me, it's handmade Neapolitan tailoring with a modern cut.
Handmade Neapolitan tailoring with a modern cut is considered the middle? I got lost somewhere in indecisive, because I have no idea what he's talking about. Maybe it's because I don't speak Wealthy Italian.
2. There's an old saying: "Wait on the shore of the river and you will see the body of your enemy pass by." If someone wrongs you, don't react with anger or vengeance. Cut off all ties with that person and wait—eventually he'll get his.
Uh...awkward.
3. When I eat pasta or mozzarella di bufala, I chew extra hard to get in some exercise. I'm joking, but the point is I still enjoy food and I still look after myself. You need to be in shape, but don't be obsessed with your body. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.
He's saying toss out the treadmill and chew more gum. There, now I'm starting to get it.
4. Do things the way they should be done or don't do them at all. When I go to Miami, I'd rather spend three days in a beautiful hotel and eat in great restaurants than spend 10 days in a mediocre motel, eating in so-so restaurants. If I'm going to do something, I have to do it right.
Why is Miami mentioned in every style article I read? Do I have to live in Miami to be stylish? Are the rest of us doomed? And which Miami do I have to live in? Because there are forty Miami's (see previous note). I love how he thinks that sometimes not spending ludicrous amounts of money is a lifestyle choice. "Me personally, I like to stay in the best hotels and eat gourmet food every night, but I guess SOME people might not like to do that." Yes, that's exactly why the poor stay poor--they like crashing at the Holiday Inn Express and eating at Denny's.
5. Get a suit you really like even if it's not the safe choice. Buying another blue or gray suit makes you another sheep in the herd. I want to be the black sheep.
So buy a black suit? Or buy a crazy suit? Buy a leisure suit? What suit am I buying, Gianluca? SPEAK ENGLISH!
6. In Neapolitan dialect, there's an expression, fare una sciammeria, which means to have a wild, passionate, crazy night of sex. They don't come easily—you need to make a bit of effort. To get one you need to invest money—take a woman out to the right restaurant, buy her flowers, do vacations. The money spent will bring you pleasure. It's the same with a suit—you need to spend money to get the most from one.
Okay, first off, enough with the inappropriate Neapolitan sayings. When do the Neapolitans use this saying? Are they all sitting around the dinner table, waiting to dig into the ziti, and Mama says--"Wait, before we begin, I want to remind you all--have some crazy sex tonight. Amen." And don't you love that his motto for having great sex with women is "Treat them like hookers." I wonder if Rule #7 is: Get yourself a t-shirt that says "Eurotrash."
7. You don't always have to wear wing tips with suits. In the summer, I wear sandals, handmade in Capri, to make my suits a little less dramatic. As long as you wear something naturally, it can never lose its elegance.
Don't you just love how he had to throw in "handmade in Capri." It's okay, GL, we assumed you weren't talking about the Old Navy sandals you got on sale.
8. You can recognize a good shirt immediately on a plane. If a guy, after placing his luggage in the overhead storage, has to tuck his shirt back in his pants, then it's not a well-made shirt. A good shirt has a high armhole that fits right under your armpit. It gives you more movement and guarantees the shirt will always stay in place.
How many times do you think this guy gets propositioned on planes because he keeps checking out guys' armpits when they're putting away their luggage? "Oh no, my apologies, I was simply trying to tell if your shirt was a good one or not. Look at the way your ass isn't covered--I mean--"
9. A man can wear a ring, a bracelet, or even a necklace—any jewelry he wants. What's important is that the object become a part of him, or else it's going to clash.
So if you're going to wear a gayass bracelet, you need to BECOME the gayass bracelet.
10. The biggest fashion mistake men make is to follow the rules of other men. Make your own rules—don't follow mine.
You know if you had made this Rule #1, you could have saved me a lot of time.
(Poor people are never named Gianluca.)
So they're letting me gaze into his twisted mind to hear his rules of style.
I figured, what the hell? If anyone knows the meaning of life, it's a guy with a last name I can't pronounce.
Teach me, Strega Nona.
1. A few years ago, guys had to identify their style as either fashiony or traditional. Those somewhere in the middle were considered indecisive. Now if you're in the middle, you can take the best from both worlds and create something new. For me, it's handmade Neapolitan tailoring with a modern cut.
Handmade Neapolitan tailoring with a modern cut is considered the middle? I got lost somewhere in indecisive, because I have no idea what he's talking about. Maybe it's because I don't speak Wealthy Italian.
2. There's an old saying: "Wait on the shore of the river and you will see the body of your enemy pass by." If someone wrongs you, don't react with anger or vengeance. Cut off all ties with that person and wait—eventually he'll get his.
Uh...awkward.
3. When I eat pasta or mozzarella di bufala, I chew extra hard to get in some exercise. I'm joking, but the point is I still enjoy food and I still look after myself. You need to be in shape, but don't be obsessed with your body. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.
He's saying toss out the treadmill and chew more gum. There, now I'm starting to get it.
4. Do things the way they should be done or don't do them at all. When I go to Miami, I'd rather spend three days in a beautiful hotel and eat in great restaurants than spend 10 days in a mediocre motel, eating in so-so restaurants. If I'm going to do something, I have to do it right.
Why is Miami mentioned in every style article I read? Do I have to live in Miami to be stylish? Are the rest of us doomed? And which Miami do I have to live in? Because there are forty Miami's (see previous note). I love how he thinks that sometimes not spending ludicrous amounts of money is a lifestyle choice. "Me personally, I like to stay in the best hotels and eat gourmet food every night, but I guess SOME people might not like to do that." Yes, that's exactly why the poor stay poor--they like crashing at the Holiday Inn Express and eating at Denny's.
5. Get a suit you really like even if it's not the safe choice. Buying another blue or gray suit makes you another sheep in the herd. I want to be the black sheep.
So buy a black suit? Or buy a crazy suit? Buy a leisure suit? What suit am I buying, Gianluca? SPEAK ENGLISH!
6. In Neapolitan dialect, there's an expression, fare una sciammeria, which means to have a wild, passionate, crazy night of sex. They don't come easily—you need to make a bit of effort. To get one you need to invest money—take a woman out to the right restaurant, buy her flowers, do vacations. The money spent will bring you pleasure. It's the same with a suit—you need to spend money to get the most from one.
Okay, first off, enough with the inappropriate Neapolitan sayings. When do the Neapolitans use this saying? Are they all sitting around the dinner table, waiting to dig into the ziti, and Mama says--"Wait, before we begin, I want to remind you all--have some crazy sex tonight. Amen." And don't you love that his motto for having great sex with women is "Treat them like hookers." I wonder if Rule #7 is: Get yourself a t-shirt that says "Eurotrash."
7. You don't always have to wear wing tips with suits. In the summer, I wear sandals, handmade in Capri, to make my suits a little less dramatic. As long as you wear something naturally, it can never lose its elegance.
Don't you just love how he had to throw in "handmade in Capri." It's okay, GL, we assumed you weren't talking about the Old Navy sandals you got on sale.
8. You can recognize a good shirt immediately on a plane. If a guy, after placing his luggage in the overhead storage, has to tuck his shirt back in his pants, then it's not a well-made shirt. A good shirt has a high armhole that fits right under your armpit. It gives you more movement and guarantees the shirt will always stay in place.
How many times do you think this guy gets propositioned on planes because he keeps checking out guys' armpits when they're putting away their luggage? "Oh no, my apologies, I was simply trying to tell if your shirt was a good one or not. Look at the way your ass isn't covered--I mean--"
9. A man can wear a ring, a bracelet, or even a necklace—any jewelry he wants. What's important is that the object become a part of him, or else it's going to clash.
So if you're going to wear a gayass bracelet, you need to BECOME the gayass bracelet.
10. The biggest fashion mistake men make is to follow the rules of other men. Make your own rules—don't follow mine.
You know if you had made this Rule #1, you could have saved me a lot of time.
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