The New Magic 8 Ball

I have an idea.

I think someone should design a new Magic 8 Ball that you can give to people you don't like.

That way, when they ask questions, they'll get the answers that everybody else wishes they could give them.

For example:

PERSON YOU DON'T LIKE: Does the person I love feel the same way?
NEW MAGIC 8 BALL: No, because you're a filthy scumbag.

PERSON YOU DON'T LIKE: Will I get the job I want?
NEW MAGIC 8 BALL: No, because you smell like exposed uncooked chicken.

PERSON YOU DON'T LIKE: Has anybody talked behind my back today?
NEW MAGIC 8 BALL: Everybody talks behind you're back because everybody hates you. We all want you to move to another country and be captured by a tyrannical regime. At that point, we'd like the regime to imprison you in a labor camp where you'll spend all day contemplating your wasted life and eating tree bark.

PERSON YOU DON'T LIKE: Should I go out tonight?
NEW MAGIC 8 BALL: Yeah, go out and catch syphilis, you dumb whore.

PERSON YOU DON'T LIKE: Why does this Magic 8 Ball hate me?
NEW MAGIC 8 BALL: Please ask again.

I don't want to jinx this, but...

I smell a stocking stuffer.