I have a new guilty pleasure.
Finding out what food is killing me.
Every time you log onto a website now, you find a new Worst List.
Worst Pasta Dishes
Worst Seafood Dishes
Worst Kosher Dishes
They're put out by the guy who writes the "Eat This, Not That" books, and I can only imagine how much his stock must be skyrocketing now that he's managed to condense those ridiculous 70-page tomes of his into bite-sized online nuggets.
He talks about saturated fat, high calorie count, and gluttony the likes of which hasn't been seen since the Arabian nights.
And quite frankly, I'm eating it up.
Now when I'm at work, I regale my co-workers with stories of the meals that are slowly clogging up their arteries and destroying their organs. It's become a fun thing we do to bond as colleagues.
"Susan, did you know that the Shrimp Bistro Pasta at the Cheesecake Factory has enough fat in it to stop your heart after three bites?"
"I EAT THAT ALL THE TIME!"
"You should be dead, Susan."
"Wow, this is FUN!"
"I know, right?"
"Let's keep going!"
Don't think the SBP is the only killer on the Cheesecake menu. As a matter of fact, those of us who are addicted to the "Eat This, Not That" lists know that the C. Factory (the C. now stands for Calories, lots of 'em) is the villain in these little foodie soap operas.
My favorite juicy bit of gossip was finding out that the Kids Pasta with Alfredo Sauce has 87 Grams of SATURATED FAT IN IT!
For those of you unclear of how much fat that is, imagine Jabba the Hutt holding a barrel of chicken lard.
You get the idea.
I never realized that all these years I've been paying more money to go to places like The Cheesecake Factory because I thought the food was of a higher quality due to how delicious it was.
In reality, I've been paying people to take my food, smother it in butter and cream, and then shave a year off my life.
That being said, these lists becoming online sensations hasn't hurt the restaurant business at all.
Oh sure, we addicts like to balk and rage at the injustices being done at our eating establishments, but that's just our way of discussing our reading material--sort of like a Indignant National Obese Book Club.
This past week, they came out with a study showing that smoking, drinking, not exercising, and eating wrong can shave up to ten years off your life.
Since the study wasn't put out in a cute list form with numbers, I didn't bother reading it. Besides, what kind of story is that? There wasn't a single plot twist?
Smoking kills? Ugh, so cliche.
Why couldn't they have had a shocker or two in that list?
"Things That Will Take a Decade Off Your Life: Smoking, Drinking, AND Domino's Cheesy Breadsticks"
Now THAT's a link I'll click on, people.
Well, gotta go.
All this talk about food is making me hungry.
...I wonder if Cheesecake Factory has a three-hour wait again...
Finding out what food is killing me.
Every time you log onto a website now, you find a new Worst List.
Worst Pasta Dishes
Worst Seafood Dishes
Worst Kosher Dishes
They're put out by the guy who writes the "Eat This, Not That" books, and I can only imagine how much his stock must be skyrocketing now that he's managed to condense those ridiculous 70-page tomes of his into bite-sized online nuggets.
He talks about saturated fat, high calorie count, and gluttony the likes of which hasn't been seen since the Arabian nights.
And quite frankly, I'm eating it up.
Now when I'm at work, I regale my co-workers with stories of the meals that are slowly clogging up their arteries and destroying their organs. It's become a fun thing we do to bond as colleagues.
"Susan, did you know that the Shrimp Bistro Pasta at the Cheesecake Factory has enough fat in it to stop your heart after three bites?"
"I EAT THAT ALL THE TIME!"
"You should be dead, Susan."
"Wow, this is FUN!"
"I know, right?"
"Let's keep going!"
Don't think the SBP is the only killer on the Cheesecake menu. As a matter of fact, those of us who are addicted to the "Eat This, Not That" lists know that the C. Factory (the C. now stands for Calories, lots of 'em) is the villain in these little foodie soap operas.
My favorite juicy bit of gossip was finding out that the Kids Pasta with Alfredo Sauce has 87 Grams of SATURATED FAT IN IT!
For those of you unclear of how much fat that is, imagine Jabba the Hutt holding a barrel of chicken lard.
You get the idea.
I never realized that all these years I've been paying more money to go to places like The Cheesecake Factory because I thought the food was of a higher quality due to how delicious it was.
In reality, I've been paying people to take my food, smother it in butter and cream, and then shave a year off my life.
That being said, these lists becoming online sensations hasn't hurt the restaurant business at all.
Oh sure, we addicts like to balk and rage at the injustices being done at our eating establishments, but that's just our way of discussing our reading material--sort of like a Indignant National Obese Book Club.
This past week, they came out with a study showing that smoking, drinking, not exercising, and eating wrong can shave up to ten years off your life.
Since the study wasn't put out in a cute list form with numbers, I didn't bother reading it. Besides, what kind of story is that? There wasn't a single plot twist?
Smoking kills? Ugh, so cliche.
Why couldn't they have had a shocker or two in that list?
"Things That Will Take a Decade Off Your Life: Smoking, Drinking, AND Domino's Cheesy Breadsticks"
Now THAT's a link I'll click on, people.
Well, gotta go.
All this talk about food is making me hungry.
...I wonder if Cheesecake Factory has a three-hour wait again...
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