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My 5-Year Engagement Rule

I have a rule that makes girls scream at me.

I think people should wait five years before getting married.

Ironically, as far as I'm concerned, this doesn't apply to girls, because I wouldn't be the one marrying them. Nevertheless, just mentioning it makes them turn bright red and attempt to assault me.

It's possible they think that if a straight guy hears my logic for this rule, he'll adopt it, and then there will be one less man in the world willing to propose within a year of meeting them.

Here's my logic:

Most couples divorce well before the five-year mark. So, it would stand to reason that if most people simply waited five years (a nice, round number) then they'd be less likely to enter into a marriage that isn't going to work.

I realize that some people are together for decades and then divorce, but not as many as those people who get rush job marriages.

Of course, my definition of a rush job is anything under two years.

That's right--two years.

Now, I'm counting from the day you meet the person. If you'd been friends for ten years, then dated for one, then got engaged, I think that's fine.

But if it's only been a year since the first time you sat down for cheese fries, and there's a ring on your finger, I think you're nuts.

Of course, the girls I'm friends with that have problems with this might feel that way because they're hitting the mid-twenties crest.

"So you mean to tell me I have to wait until I'm thirty-three?!?!"
"What's so bad about that?"

I completely forgot that many women still look at thirty as the point of no return. Apparently, they're worried if they don't nab Ricky Nelson before the sock hop, they'll become an old maid.

My opinion is that by the time you're married, marriage itself shouldn't even be a big deal. Most couples I know were well-settled in long before the ceremony. The piece of paper and the officialism were just ice cream on the wedding cake.

I would probably say more on the subject, but I've been warned that if I do, I'll never be asked to be a Man of Honor again.

And come on, who wants to miss a wedding?

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