I read an article on Open Salon recently that absolutely infuriated me.
It was a post about stepparents and whether or not they should be obligated to love their stepchildren.
The author assured stepparents that they should be cordial and kind to their stepchildren, but they were under no obligation to feel any more than that. If they happened to love the kids, great. If not, oh well.
As a stepchild, I found this article absolutely repulsive.
Of course you should attempt to love your stepchildren. The second part of that word is "children."
If a parent claimed not to love their child, they'd be looked down upon. Even a grandparent or an aunt or uncle is expected to love the children they're related to, but somehow stepparents only need to be polite?
Nobody expects you to love them immediately the way a parent might, but your goal should be to eventually have the same sort of affection for them a parent would have, especially if you're living together.
It's not okay for you to treat your stepchild like a roommate, as the article suggests.
My favorite part of the article was this sentence--"you married their father, not them."
Bad news, people. If you marry someone with kids, you're marrying their kids. Any good parent's kids are going to be such a huge part of their life, it would be impossible to think you could be in it without being a crucial part of the lives of their children, regardless of whether or not the children live with him or her.
Having said all this, I will fully admit to being a terrible stepchild. My stepfather put up with everything my father should have put up with, simply because he was in closer proximity on a day-to-day basis.
When I grew old enough to realize what a brat I was and apologized to him, his response to me was--
"That was part of the deal when I married your mom. Don't apologize for it."
That's how you know he's a great stepdad, because in a lot of ways, he was actually more of a dad than my dad was to me.
If you marry a parent, you're signing up to be a parent.
That's all there is to it.
It was a post about stepparents and whether or not they should be obligated to love their stepchildren.
The author assured stepparents that they should be cordial and kind to their stepchildren, but they were under no obligation to feel any more than that. If they happened to love the kids, great. If not, oh well.
As a stepchild, I found this article absolutely repulsive.
Of course you should attempt to love your stepchildren. The second part of that word is "children."
If a parent claimed not to love their child, they'd be looked down upon. Even a grandparent or an aunt or uncle is expected to love the children they're related to, but somehow stepparents only need to be polite?
Nobody expects you to love them immediately the way a parent might, but your goal should be to eventually have the same sort of affection for them a parent would have, especially if you're living together.
It's not okay for you to treat your stepchild like a roommate, as the article suggests.
My favorite part of the article was this sentence--"you married their father, not them."
Bad news, people. If you marry someone with kids, you're marrying their kids. Any good parent's kids are going to be such a huge part of their life, it would be impossible to think you could be in it without being a crucial part of the lives of their children, regardless of whether or not the children live with him or her.
Having said all this, I will fully admit to being a terrible stepchild. My stepfather put up with everything my father should have put up with, simply because he was in closer proximity on a day-to-day basis.
When I grew old enough to realize what a brat I was and apologized to him, his response to me was--
"That was part of the deal when I married your mom. Don't apologize for it."
That's how you know he's a great stepdad, because in a lot of ways, he was actually more of a dad than my dad was to me.
If you marry a parent, you're signing up to be a parent.
That's all there is to it.
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