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An Interview with Andrew Holder

On a bright sunny day in August, I sat down with Andrew Holder to discuss his career. What follows is an excerpt from that interview.

INTERVIEWER: So Andrew--
ANDREW: I'm sorry. I'm going to have to stop you. I prefer to be known as Cookie now.
INTERVIEW: Uh...I hadn't...um...
ANDREW: Check your notes.

The interviewer checked his notes, and learned that Mr. Holder will be appearing as "Cookie" in the new MTV Series "The Real Homosexuals of Narragansett Shore."

ANDREW: I'm the sassy one.
INTERVIEWER: Aren't they all sassy?
ANDREW: Who?
INTERVIEWER: The other homosexuals.
ANDREW: There are OTHERS?
INTERVIEW: Um...
ANDREW: They told me the show was called "Cookie!"

Mr. Holder called his agent while the interviewer ate some Nabisco crackers. After ten minutes, Mr. Holder returned looking frustrated.

ANDREW: I could stab someone.

The interviewer looked down at the knife near his plate, and slowly moved it closer to him and away from Mr. Holder.

INTERVIEWER: When did you know you wanted to be an actor?
ANDREW: I was watching The Wizard of Oz, and I thought to myself--I can belt higher than that black and white bitch!
INTERVIEWER: You mean Judy Garland?
ANDREW: Can we go back to talking about me?
INTERVIEWER: I thought we--
ANDREW: So there I am, starring in the first-ever all-male production of "Get a Load of Sally"--Cole Porter's lost treasure--when should they replace me with?
INTERVIEWER: I don't--
ANDREW: CAROL BURNETT!

. . . . .

ANDREW: Clearly, they went in another direction.
INTERVIEWER: Clearly.
ANDREW: I hop that bitch's ear falls off the next time she tugs on it.
INTERVIEWER: She's an American treasure!
ANDREW: She stole my career! I could have won a Tony for that role!
INTERVIEWER: What was the role?
ANDREW: Sally's grandmother.
INTERVIEWER: Does she have a number?
ANDREW: Seventeen.
INTERVIEWER: I meant a song.
ANDREW: Oh yeah. She sings "Sally, You're a Mess."
INTERVIEWER: Show stopper?
ANDREW: Every night.

. . . . .

INTERVIEWER: Tell me who you love.
ANDREW: Diego Rivera.
INTERVIEWER: The painter?
ANDREW: No, he's this guy from New Bedford I went on a date with once. He never called me back.
INTERVIEWER: And you love him?
ANDREW: I love the idea of him.
INTERVIEWER: And the idea is?
ANDREW: He didn't like me.
INTERVIEWER: Tell me about working with Morgan Freeman.
ANDREW: There's nothing to tell. All he wanted to talk about was his theory on life and acting.
INTERVIEWER: You didn't want to listen?
ANDREW: I was too busy listening to J.Beebs on my IPod.
INTERVIEWER: Moving on...

. . . . .

INTERVIEWER: Let's do word association.
ANDREW: I'm in an off-Broadway show called 'Show Choir.'
INTERVIEWER: What?
ANDREW: I associate words with my current project.
INTERVIEWER: That's, um--okay. Uh...ball.
ANDREW: I'm going to have a ball doing 'Show Choir: The Musical.'
INTERVIEWER: Nasty.
ANDREW: You know who's nasty? Carol Burnett, AND she's not in 'Show Choir: The Musical.'
INTERVIEWER: Amnesia.
ANDREW: When I'm famous I'm going to get amnesia and forget everyone I know that's not famous.
INTERVIEWER: Doesn't this show sound a lot like 'Glee?'
ANDREW: ...No comment.

To Be Continued...

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