This weekend, my brother David moved out of my Mom's house.
He moved into a house near URI, and the entire family was enlisted to help him settle in at his new place.
At least, that's what we were told.
In reality, we were there to make sure my mother didn't find a pond to jump into.
MOM: My baby's moving out!
RYAN: Mom, I'm younger than David.
MOM: Don't try to calm me down!
I thought maybe I could help relax her.
ME: Mom, just think, in another year Ryan will be in school, then you'll have plenty of time to spend by yourself.
MOM: You know who likes spending time by themselves?
ME: Bad mothers?
MOM: BAD MOTHERS!
Forgive her, ladies, she was in hysterics.
It didn't help that a bunch of girls across the street came over to say hi as my brother was moving in.
RANDOM GIRL #1: Are you a sophomore?
RYAN: Uh, yeah.
ME: He's actually a junior--in high school.
RYAN: Way to CB me, bro.
ME: I could smell the herpes from where I was standing. I did you a favor.
MOM: WHY ARE THERE WHORES EVERYWHERE?
Finally, it was time to say good-bye to David.
I know in a family you shouldn't have favorites, but David is everybody's favorite, so I guess that makes it all right.
He's always calm, kind, and he's got the best goofy laugh ever.
ME: I guess this is it.
DAVID: Yup. Don't let Mom drive off the bridge.
ME: I'll at least make sure I get out of the car first.
DAVID: That's all I can ask of you.
I gave my brother a hug, and started walking back to the car.
Once my stepfather had pried my mother off David and assured her that they could drive back down to Narragansett at two o'clock in the morning to make sure wolves hadn't burst into his house and eaten him alive, she relented.
On the drive back, I could feel us all thinking the same thing.
The family was slowly separating, and now it was going to be up to us to determine how close we were since geography was no longer going to be the glue that holds us together.
MOM: Anybody want ice cream?
I have to say, in terms of glue, ice cream isn't a bad substitute.
He moved into a house near URI, and the entire family was enlisted to help him settle in at his new place.
At least, that's what we were told.
In reality, we were there to make sure my mother didn't find a pond to jump into.
MOM: My baby's moving out!
RYAN: Mom, I'm younger than David.
MOM: Don't try to calm me down!
I thought maybe I could help relax her.
ME: Mom, just think, in another year Ryan will be in school, then you'll have plenty of time to spend by yourself.
MOM: You know who likes spending time by themselves?
ME: Bad mothers?
MOM: BAD MOTHERS!
Forgive her, ladies, she was in hysterics.
It didn't help that a bunch of girls across the street came over to say hi as my brother was moving in.
RANDOM GIRL #1: Are you a sophomore?
RYAN: Uh, yeah.
ME: He's actually a junior--in high school.
RYAN: Way to CB me, bro.
ME: I could smell the herpes from where I was standing. I did you a favor.
MOM: WHY ARE THERE WHORES EVERYWHERE?
Finally, it was time to say good-bye to David.
I know in a family you shouldn't have favorites, but David is everybody's favorite, so I guess that makes it all right.
He's always calm, kind, and he's got the best goofy laugh ever.
ME: I guess this is it.
DAVID: Yup. Don't let Mom drive off the bridge.
ME: I'll at least make sure I get out of the car first.
DAVID: That's all I can ask of you.
I gave my brother a hug, and started walking back to the car.
Once my stepfather had pried my mother off David and assured her that they could drive back down to Narragansett at two o'clock in the morning to make sure wolves hadn't burst into his house and eaten him alive, she relented.
On the drive back, I could feel us all thinking the same thing.
The family was slowly separating, and now it was going to be up to us to determine how close we were since geography was no longer going to be the glue that holds us together.
MOM: Anybody want ice cream?
I have to say, in terms of glue, ice cream isn't a bad substitute.
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