Today I saw the new romantic comedy "Going the Distance" starring Drew Barrymore and Justin Long.
It was a surprisingly really good movie--aside from Drew Barrymore and Justin Long.
Actually, that's not fair.
It's not that Drew Barrymore and Justin Long can't act. It's that I don't believe a single thing they say.
Okay, that's not fair either.
I believe Justin Long when he's playing a quirky kid hanging out in a bowling alley, as he did on Ed before producers actually started thinking he could carry movies on his own.
I never believe him as being anyone over the age of fifteen.
In the godawful movie "He's Just Not That Into You," Long was supposedly the manager of a bar.
I don't believe he'd even get into a bar without getting carded twice, so believing that he ran one was just too big of a jump for me.
I'm a little surprised that at a time when every Hollywood star is trying to pass themselves off as a teenager, Justin Long is the one guy who wants to be older, and it ain't happening.
In Drew Barrymore's case, it's the exact opposite.
Watching what an unappealing couple she and Long make, it was uncomfortable to know that they actually were a couple.
Barrymore seems way too old for him, and not in that fun cougar sort of way--just...old.
And when she's not old, she looks like Kate Hudson--which isn't all that fantastic from an acting standpoint.
The most ridiculous scene in the movie for me was when they were comparing favorite albums, and Long's character cited "License to Ill" by the Beastie Boys. At that point, Barrymore chimes in that she loves that album.
I do not believe for one second that either of them ever listened to a Beastie Boys album. I don't believe there's any universe where anybody like Drew Barrymore ever rocked out in their room to "License to Ill."
Now, I know it's not fair of me to take what I know about these two--or any actors--and hold it against them when they can't make me forget my preconceptions of them when I'm watching their movies.
But then again, isn't that acting?
I remember when I saw "Closer" and Julia Roberts--one of my favorite actresses--told Clive Owen that she had done lewd, perverse things with Jude Law.
I actually said "No way" out loud in the movie theater.
There was just no way Julia Roberts--after years of promoting herself as America's sweetheart--was ever going to make me believe she's tasted semen--and enough semen to compare one guy's to another's.
I just wasn't having it.
Often, celebrities are made to become a brand. They become a niche. They become cartoon versions of themselves.
America's sweetheart. Never been kissed rom-com cutie. Quirky twitching teenager.
And all of it takes away from their performances. From their actual job--acting.
It's a shame.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to listen to Buckcherry.
It was a surprisingly really good movie--aside from Drew Barrymore and Justin Long.
Actually, that's not fair.
It's not that Drew Barrymore and Justin Long can't act. It's that I don't believe a single thing they say.
Okay, that's not fair either.
I believe Justin Long when he's playing a quirky kid hanging out in a bowling alley, as he did on Ed before producers actually started thinking he could carry movies on his own.
I never believe him as being anyone over the age of fifteen.
In the godawful movie "He's Just Not That Into You," Long was supposedly the manager of a bar.
I don't believe he'd even get into a bar without getting carded twice, so believing that he ran one was just too big of a jump for me.
I'm a little surprised that at a time when every Hollywood star is trying to pass themselves off as a teenager, Justin Long is the one guy who wants to be older, and it ain't happening.
In Drew Barrymore's case, it's the exact opposite.
Watching what an unappealing couple she and Long make, it was uncomfortable to know that they actually were a couple.
Barrymore seems way too old for him, and not in that fun cougar sort of way--just...old.
And when she's not old, she looks like Kate Hudson--which isn't all that fantastic from an acting standpoint.
The most ridiculous scene in the movie for me was when they were comparing favorite albums, and Long's character cited "License to Ill" by the Beastie Boys. At that point, Barrymore chimes in that she loves that album.
I do not believe for one second that either of them ever listened to a Beastie Boys album. I don't believe there's any universe where anybody like Drew Barrymore ever rocked out in their room to "License to Ill."
Now, I know it's not fair of me to take what I know about these two--or any actors--and hold it against them when they can't make me forget my preconceptions of them when I'm watching their movies.
But then again, isn't that acting?
I remember when I saw "Closer" and Julia Roberts--one of my favorite actresses--told Clive Owen that she had done lewd, perverse things with Jude Law.
I actually said "No way" out loud in the movie theater.
There was just no way Julia Roberts--after years of promoting herself as America's sweetheart--was ever going to make me believe she's tasted semen--and enough semen to compare one guy's to another's.
I just wasn't having it.
Often, celebrities are made to become a brand. They become a niche. They become cartoon versions of themselves.
America's sweetheart. Never been kissed rom-com cutie. Quirky twitching teenager.
And all of it takes away from their performances. From their actual job--acting.
It's a shame.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to listen to Buckcherry.
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