After discovering the magic that was Nerve.com's article on what guys wear to get laid, I simply had to address their counterparts.
Here's the feature: http://www.nerve.com/love-sex/ten-cute-girls-on-what-they-wear-to-get-laid
Here's my response:
Girl #1: The Stocking Stuffer
Wendy likes to kick things off with an over-sized t-shirt. I sympathize, Wendy. I'm a recovering plaid button-down addict, and every once in awhile, I still get cravings. It's when she talks about not wearing pants that I feel the urge to run for the hills. Apparently all Wendy needs to do is throw on some stockings and explain to whatever boy is talking to her that she's not a lesbian, and she's a regular minx.
Girl #2: The Sheer Sucker
Katie kicks things off by telling the fellas to get her drunk. If you're not sure whether or not she wants to get liquored up, make sure she's dressed like she's going to a funeral. That's how you know she wants it. Unlike Wendy, Katie says you know it's time to play Candy Land when the stockings come off. If you're still confused, check to see if she's wearing something that lets you see her nipples. Gosh, these girls send so many mixed signals.
Girl #3: The Subtle Sarah
Sarah says her special secret is to look like she doesn't want to get laid. That must be why she's eye-f**king the cameraman like it's a job with dental. When she's not in the mood to be subtle, she puts on a party dress. I can't help but imagine her in a bubblegum pink puffy nightmare complete with a purse with a dog in it. (Hey, the girl says she likes accessories.)
Girl #4: The "So Over It" Sexpot
Xiyin thinks that if you want to get laid, you need to master her walk. Hip-strut-saunter, hip-strut-saunter. And if you really want to get wild, throw in a little snap in between the strut and the saunter. Oh, she also thinks slouching is sexy. Need I say more?
Girl #5: Holy Mad Men, Batman!
Sixties Sarah likes to blend in with the background and hope that men just walk into her. So far, it's been working like a charm.
Girl #6: Ellen Page
No, seriously. It's Ellen Page.
Girl #7: She's Not Into Boho Homos
Defausha, or "The Classic Dee"--her name when she's fighting crime, isn't into all the bozo boho's that hit on her curvaciousness, which makes her the smartest girl of this bunch--and possibly the world.
Girl #8: The Downward Slide
First off, why was Amanda's photo taken while the photographer was standing on a ladder?
Second of all, she doesn't think she's ever tried to get laid.
Sidenote: Whereas all the boys never talked about having any difficult getting laid, the girls make it sound as if they've never heard of sex at all. "Sex? What's sex? I'm a little busy right now teaching my pottery class and trying to give up on gluten."
Thirdly, what the hell is this girl talking about?
Frye boots? Two-finger gun ring? eBay?
She's just making up words.
Girl #9: "I Just Got Off the Battlestar, and I'm Looking for Love"
Alexandra is the second girl to talk about wearing combat boots when she wants to get laid.
Guys, help me out--when did combat boots become sexy?
Call me old-fashioned, but if I see a girl wearing combat boots, I'm assuming she's either cutting down a tree or at a Paula Cole concert.
Girl #10: The Less-Than-a-Dollar Store
Tessa likes to wear eighty-eight cent t-shirts when she wants to get laid.
Judging from the rest of her appearance, it would seem that the only time she gets laid is when she gets in her time machine and travels back to 1991, when you could get major action for looking exactly like Mary Stuart Masterson.
That being said, I still think the guys were way worse, but then again, you girls are supposed to be smarter.
So let's call it a wash.
Here's the feature: http://www.nerve.com/love-sex/ten-cute-girls-on-what-they-wear-to-get-laid
Here's my response:
Girl #1: The Stocking Stuffer
Wendy likes to kick things off with an over-sized t-shirt. I sympathize, Wendy. I'm a recovering plaid button-down addict, and every once in awhile, I still get cravings. It's when she talks about not wearing pants that I feel the urge to run for the hills. Apparently all Wendy needs to do is throw on some stockings and explain to whatever boy is talking to her that she's not a lesbian, and she's a regular minx.
Girl #2: The Sheer Sucker
Katie kicks things off by telling the fellas to get her drunk. If you're not sure whether or not she wants to get liquored up, make sure she's dressed like she's going to a funeral. That's how you know she wants it. Unlike Wendy, Katie says you know it's time to play Candy Land when the stockings come off. If you're still confused, check to see if she's wearing something that lets you see her nipples. Gosh, these girls send so many mixed signals.
Girl #3: The Subtle Sarah
Sarah says her special secret is to look like she doesn't want to get laid. That must be why she's eye-f**king the cameraman like it's a job with dental. When she's not in the mood to be subtle, she puts on a party dress. I can't help but imagine her in a bubblegum pink puffy nightmare complete with a purse with a dog in it. (Hey, the girl says she likes accessories.)
Girl #4: The "So Over It" Sexpot
Xiyin thinks that if you want to get laid, you need to master her walk. Hip-strut-saunter, hip-strut-saunter. And if you really want to get wild, throw in a little snap in between the strut and the saunter. Oh, she also thinks slouching is sexy. Need I say more?
Girl #5: Holy Mad Men, Batman!
Sixties Sarah likes to blend in with the background and hope that men just walk into her. So far, it's been working like a charm.
Girl #6: Ellen Page
No, seriously. It's Ellen Page.
Girl #7: She's Not Into Boho Homos
Defausha, or "The Classic Dee"--her name when she's fighting crime, isn't into all the bozo boho's that hit on her curvaciousness, which makes her the smartest girl of this bunch--and possibly the world.
Girl #8: The Downward Slide
First off, why was Amanda's photo taken while the photographer was standing on a ladder?
Second of all, she doesn't think she's ever tried to get laid.
Sidenote: Whereas all the boys never talked about having any difficult getting laid, the girls make it sound as if they've never heard of sex at all. "Sex? What's sex? I'm a little busy right now teaching my pottery class and trying to give up on gluten."
Thirdly, what the hell is this girl talking about?
Frye boots? Two-finger gun ring? eBay?
She's just making up words.
Girl #9: "I Just Got Off the Battlestar, and I'm Looking for Love"
Alexandra is the second girl to talk about wearing combat boots when she wants to get laid.
Guys, help me out--when did combat boots become sexy?
Call me old-fashioned, but if I see a girl wearing combat boots, I'm assuming she's either cutting down a tree or at a Paula Cole concert.
Girl #10: The Less-Than-a-Dollar Store
Tessa likes to wear eighty-eight cent t-shirts when she wants to get laid.
Judging from the rest of her appearance, it would seem that the only time she gets laid is when she gets in her time machine and travels back to 1991, when you could get major action for looking exactly like Mary Stuart Masterson.
That being said, I still think the guys were way worse, but then again, you girls are supposed to be smarter.
So let's call it a wash.
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