Skip to main content

A Conversation Regarding Christina Aguilera Singing the National Anthem

"She should be shot."
"No, no, shooting's too good for her."
"To defame the flag like that--"
"What flag?"
"The flag, you know, the 'salute the flag' flag. The 'pledge of allegiance' flag."
"What did she do the flag?"
"Didn't she spit on it?"
"Did I miss something?"
"I thought she spit on it."
"No, she just forgot a line in the National Anthem."
"Oh, well, from the way they were talking about it on the radio you'd think she spit on the flag."
"Well, she sort of did, I mean, in a symbolic way--"
"The trouble is she's on drugs. They're all on drugs. All those singers."
"I don't think she's on drugs. I just think she has no respect. Nobody has any respect any more for anything."
"They should stone her."
"Yeah, like they do in the Ay-rab countries. Then she'll be happy she's American."
"Let's see her forget the Pledge of Allegiance then."
"The National Anthem."
"What? Oh, right. Yeah. The Star-Spangled Banner."
"No, the National Anthem."
"The National Anthem IS the Star-Spangled Banner."
"No, it's not. The National Anthem is the National Anthem."
"And The Star-Spangled Banner."
"What about Stars and Stripes Forever?"
"That's a different thing altogether."
"I'm so confused."
"This is like American history we're talking about. Didn't they teach you history in school?"
"This isn't history. This is music."
"Well, did they teach you that?"
"They taught us not to forget the words, that's for damn sure!"
"She was probably on heroin."
"Heroin doesn't make you forget words to things."
"Heroin makes you forget that you have fingers! What do you know about heroin?"
"I know things about heroin!"
"So they taught you about heroin in school, but they didn't teach you that the National Anthem is the same thing as--"
"I know about heroin from watching the tv."
"And what else do you know about heroin?"
"I know that it makes your hair fall out."
"That's cancer!"
"And heroin!"
"Does heroin give you cancer maybe?"
"Oh my God!"
"I'm just asking!"
"The point is she's an idiot."
"Agreed."
"Agreed."

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A List of People Who Can Go to Hell Now That I Can't Have Elizabeth Warren

So today was a rough day for everybody who isn't a @#$%-ing #$%hole. Let's just start there. If that upsets you, by all means, go straight to hell. This entire rant is going to be exactly what it sounds like. I am mad and I am going to exercise my right to BLOG ABOUT IT LIKE IT'S 1995, SO BUCKLE UP, BUTTERCUP. I really don't even know where to start, so let's just jump right in with the first person who comes to mind. Bloomberg, go to hell.  You really didn't have anything specific to do with today, but you can just go to hell for spending an ungodly amount of money on literally nothing.  I mean, you could have lit millions of dollars on fire and at least warmed the hands of the homeless, but instead, you made tv stations across the country that are already owned by Conservatives rich, so kudos to you and go to hell. Amy Klobuchar, I STUCK UP FOR YOU AMY.  I got into FIGHTS on SOCIAL MEDIA while DEFENDING your sorry, self-interested ass.  You know ...

Theater and the Outbreak

After last week's interview, a representative from a theater that recently experienced the results of opening too soon reached out to speak with me. I want to thank this person for coming forward in the hopes that it'll change some minds about what's safe and what isn't when it comes to the performing arts. Here's the interview: ME:  So this wasn't a full production or-- THEM:  No. It was us trying to do a little something for friends and donors. ME:  Who is 'us?' THEM:  The board of _____. ME:  And how long have you been on the board? THEM:  Three years. ME:  What was this going to be? THEM:  There's a, uh, beautiful park here in town, and we wanted to do an outdoor performance of a Shakespeare as a benefit, because, as you know, theaters are having a hard time right now paying the bills. We checked with the local government and the health department for the state to make sure we were doing everything the way we needed to in order to keep everyon...

My Favorite Podcasts

During this pandemic, I've finally gotten through most of my podcast backlog, and since a bunch of people were sharing their podcast lists last month, I thought I'd join in. I'm not going to give descriptions of each one, but I'll clarify why some are favorites of mine. 10 Things That Scare Me Adulting - Admittedly I don't really like live episodes of podcasts let alone podcasts that are mostly live, but this one is an exception. Against the Rules with Michael Lewis All Songs Considered Articles of Interest Asian Enough Broken Record The Butterfly Effect with Jon Ronson - No new episodes for awhile, but sooo interesting. Cautionary Tales - Absolutely incredible Code Switch Come Through with Rebecca Carroll - Some of the best interviews you'll hear from the past few months The Daily - I go back and forth on this one because the New York Times is so problematic, but very few podcasts does what this one does as well as it does it Dead Eyes - If you're an actor,...