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A Conversation with a Policeman

I was pulled over by a policeman for no reason.

Well, I mean, there was a reason, obviously. It just wasn't a good reason.

Maybe I'd better just let you read the conversation.

POLICE OFFICER: Hello there.
ME: Hello officer.
POLICE OFFICER: Is there a reason you pulled onto this side street?
ME: No.
POLICE OFFICER: No?
ME: No, there's not really a reason.
POLICE OFFICER: Do you live on this street?
ME: No.
POLICE OFFICER: Do you live anywhere near this street?
ME: No.
POLICE OFFICER: Then why did you turn onto it?
ME: Uh--
POLICE OFFICER: Because it's a dead-end street.
ME: I see that now.
POLICE OFFICER: Are you drunk?
ME: No, I don't drink.
POLICE OFFICER: Are you on drugs?
ME: No, I don't do drugs either. I especially don't do drugs.
POLICE OFFICER: Especially?
ME: Moreso than I don't drink.
POLICE OFFICER: So why did you turn onto a dead-end street?
ME: Because I don't like having police officers drive behind me.
POLICE OFFICER: Why not?
ME: It makes me nervous.
POLICE OFFICER: Do you have a record?
ME: No.
POLICE OFFICER: Is this car stolen?
ME: No.
POLICE OFFICER: Then why would you be nervous?
ME: Because I might be doing something wrong without realizing it.
POLICE OFFICER: Like what?
ME: Well, one time, my registration had expired, but I didn't know it, because they weren't sending the notifications out in the mail anymore. So I got pulled over for driving too slow--
POLICE OFFICER: Why were you driving too slow?
ME: Because I had a police officer behind me and I was worried about being pulled over for speeding.
POLICE OFFICER: How fast were you going?
ME: Nineteen in a thirty.
POLICE OFFICER: Well, that's ridiculous.
ME: I know, but my car doesn't really drive comfortably between twenty-five and thirty, so if I try to go thirty, I'm going to end up going thirty-five and getting pulled over. So it was just safer to go nineteen, but then I got pulled over anyway, and my registration was expired, unbeknownst to me, so my car got towed.
POLICE OFFICER: So now you don't drive in front of police officers?
ME: Not if I can help it.
POLICE OFFICER: But you have to.
ME: Why do I have to?
POLICE OFFICER: Because there's no reason not to.
ME: It makes me nervous.
POLICE OFFICER: Well when you pull off onto a dead-end street that you don't live on, you're going to get pulled over anyway.
ME: Next time, I'll just pull into a parking lot or something.
POLICE OFFICER: THAT'S NOT THE POINT!
ME: Do you want my license?
POLICE OFFICER: No! Just get out of here.
ME: Okay.

I guess that's one way to not get a ticket for your driver's side mirror being broken.

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