If I had to pick the biggest problem with living in a celebrity-obsessed culture, and I often am asked to pick by various reporters, and, occasionally, Charlie Rose, I would say it's that people seem to have a hard time telling whether or not they're a celebrity.
So I've decided to help clear things up for everyone.
Here's how you know if you're a celebrity:
1) If, when describing how you're famous, you don't have to use the word "Youtube." Any fame involved with "Youtube" is not real fame. If people know who you are because you taught your dog to apply mustard to a hamburger and the video of it went viral, that's not fame--that's notoriety. There's a significant difference.
Likewise--
2) If you're well-known because of a reality show, that's not the same thing as fame. Fame has to be earned, either by writing a great novel, acting in a movie, becoming the World's Greatest Ice Sculptor, etc. Being the fourth person to get kicked off The Bachelor doesn't count. Here's how I can prove my point--Billy Wilder made some of the greatest movies of all time. A hundred years from now, people will still be watching Some Like It Hot, but nobody will be able to name the winner of Big Brother Season Three.
Everybody likes to bring up the "fifteen minutes of fame" theory, but the truth is, real fame does make a lasting impression.
3) Fame has nothing to do with geography.
In other words, putting the name of a place in front of the word "celebrity" just looks foolish. There's no such thing as a "Nebraska Celebrity" or a "Rhode Island celebrity." A celebrity is someone who is known in both Paris and Peoria, Illinois. That's what being famous means--being known by a vast amount of people. Trying to minimize that doesn't work.
Finally--
4) Celebrities don't usually act like celebrities.
Have you ever seen Tom Hanks on a talk show? He seems incredibly relaxed. He cracks jokes. He's good-natured. He doesn't need to remind people that he's famous, because he just is famous.
It seems like the less famous somebody is, the more they overcompensate by acting the way they think famous people act.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I can't give autographs. My agent will be furious with me. But I will be doing a book-signing next week where I'll be autographing copies of my new book 'How I Grew a Turnip Shaped Like Ike Turner.'"
I hope this straightens everything out for those of you out there who might be confused about your popularity.
That reminds me--
Rule Number Five: If you're confused about whether or not you're a celebrity, you're probably not a celebrity.
So I've decided to help clear things up for everyone.
Here's how you know if you're a celebrity:
1) If, when describing how you're famous, you don't have to use the word "Youtube." Any fame involved with "Youtube" is not real fame. If people know who you are because you taught your dog to apply mustard to a hamburger and the video of it went viral, that's not fame--that's notoriety. There's a significant difference.
Likewise--
2) If you're well-known because of a reality show, that's not the same thing as fame. Fame has to be earned, either by writing a great novel, acting in a movie, becoming the World's Greatest Ice Sculptor, etc. Being the fourth person to get kicked off The Bachelor doesn't count. Here's how I can prove my point--Billy Wilder made some of the greatest movies of all time. A hundred years from now, people will still be watching Some Like It Hot, but nobody will be able to name the winner of Big Brother Season Three.
Everybody likes to bring up the "fifteen minutes of fame" theory, but the truth is, real fame does make a lasting impression.
3) Fame has nothing to do with geography.
In other words, putting the name of a place in front of the word "celebrity" just looks foolish. There's no such thing as a "Nebraska Celebrity" or a "Rhode Island celebrity." A celebrity is someone who is known in both Paris and Peoria, Illinois. That's what being famous means--being known by a vast amount of people. Trying to minimize that doesn't work.
Finally--
4) Celebrities don't usually act like celebrities.
Have you ever seen Tom Hanks on a talk show? He seems incredibly relaxed. He cracks jokes. He's good-natured. He doesn't need to remind people that he's famous, because he just is famous.
It seems like the less famous somebody is, the more they overcompensate by acting the way they think famous people act.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I can't give autographs. My agent will be furious with me. But I will be doing a book-signing next week where I'll be autographing copies of my new book 'How I Grew a Turnip Shaped Like Ike Turner.'"
I hope this straightens everything out for those of you out there who might be confused about your popularity.
That reminds me--
Rule Number Five: If you're confused about whether or not you're a celebrity, you're probably not a celebrity.
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