Skip to main content

The Adorable Little Kid I Hate

There's a kid I run into all the time around the town I'm from, and I'm pretty sure if you look up "adorable" or "precocious" or just "golly gee whiz huzzah," you'd see his face.

He's about eight-years-old. Very friendly. Very talkative. Very bright for his age.

Everyone who knows him likes him.

...Except me.

For some reason, I loathe this child.

I don't know why. I feel awful about it. Every time I see him, there's a part of me that says, Ugh, and then another part of me says, Stop it! You're awful! and then the first part responds with, Please, he's insufferable.

And on and on and on, until finally, the nice part gives up and leaves to go help the homeless and the evil part stays sitting on my shoulder casting scornful glances at the adorable little kid.

Recently, I posted something on Facebook scolding critics of the movie Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close for writing that they wanted to throttle the young actor in the movie. I said it was creepy and downright inappropriate for them to say something like that.

And yet secretly, I know how they felt.

I liked the young actor in that movie, so it's not that I hate all smart, talkative children--I just hate this smart, talkative child.

I feel the irresistible urge to--and yes, I realize how bad this sounds--bully him.

Having never been a bully in school (quite the opposite in fact) I can't imagine where this compulsion is coming from.

Part of me wonders if it might be tough love?

If there's a part of me that wants to save this kid from years of torment.

But then I think to myself, what am I thinking?

(Which is a thought so paradoxical, I often have to sit down after I think it.)

Am I really feeling the urge to stop a kid from being intelligent and outgoing and ugh he does this stupid thing where he--

Never mind.

I wonder if this will change as he grows up, or if he's destined to be one of those people who rubs everyone the wrong way for absolutely no discernible reason. If that's the case, I feel terrible for him, and yet it would make me feel better, because then I'm not just some ogre who hates a small child.

It makes me want to sit down with my brain and say--So, you don't find Ann Coulter all that infuriating but an eight-year-old boy inspires unbridled rage in you?

Who knows why we're wired to like the people we like and dislike the people we dislike?

All I know is that I hope one day I'll get over my hatred of the kid. And if that can't happen, I hope that one day he gives me a reason to hate him.

Maybe then I won't feel so bad.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A List of People Who Can Go to Hell Now That I Can't Have Elizabeth Warren

So today was a rough day for everybody who isn't a @#$%-ing #$%hole. Let's just start there. If that upsets you, by all means, go straight to hell. This entire rant is going to be exactly what it sounds like. I am mad and I am going to exercise my right to BLOG ABOUT IT LIKE IT'S 1995, SO BUCKLE UP, BUTTERCUP. I really don't even know where to start, so let's just jump right in with the first person who comes to mind. Bloomberg, go to hell.  You really didn't have anything specific to do with today, but you can just go to hell for spending an ungodly amount of money on literally nothing.  I mean, you could have lit millions of dollars on fire and at least warmed the hands of the homeless, but instead, you made tv stations across the country that are already owned by Conservatives rich, so kudos to you and go to hell. Amy Klobuchar, I STUCK UP FOR YOU AMY.  I got into FIGHTS on SOCIAL MEDIA while DEFENDING your sorry, self-interested ass.  You know ...

Theater and the Outbreak

After last week's interview, a representative from a theater that recently experienced the results of opening too soon reached out to speak with me. I want to thank this person for coming forward in the hopes that it'll change some minds about what's safe and what isn't when it comes to the performing arts. Here's the interview: ME:  So this wasn't a full production or-- THEM:  No. It was us trying to do a little something for friends and donors. ME:  Who is 'us?' THEM:  The board of _____. ME:  And how long have you been on the board? THEM:  Three years. ME:  What was this going to be? THEM:  There's a, uh, beautiful park here in town, and we wanted to do an outdoor performance of a Shakespeare as a benefit, because, as you know, theaters are having a hard time right now paying the bills. We checked with the local government and the health department for the state to make sure we were doing everything the way we needed to in order to keep everyon...

Theater and The Big Bad Wolf

My conversation today is unique in that it's with someone I had never spoken to until the time came to do this interview.  If you read last week's conversation, you know that this person was referred to me.  They are a theater artist with a long career and impressive resume who has since decided to leave their respective theater community. Here's the interview: ME:  I feel so liberated talking to you already because you're from so far away. THEM:  Canada's not that far away. ME:  You're my first international conversation. THEM:  I feel like I have to represent all of my country right now. ME:  You do.  You really do. THEM:  I've been preparing for this my whole life. ME:  You were--I don't know if the word should be 'referred,' but someone said--You need to talk to so-and-so, and here we are. THEM:  Here we are. ME:  Now, your story is one I think we've heard a lot, but what was interesting to me in the con...