Paris Is Burning

It's been awhile since I've checked with GQ to see what style trends I should be keeping up with this winter.

Luckily for me, GQ went to Paris and came back with a whole roster of looks that we'll be seeing here in the States any day now.

Here are my thoughts:

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=1

- First off, what's a Kryptonian man? Is it a man who can beat Superman in an arm-wrestling match?

- The name Mugler is adorable. Points for that.

- The pants look like what you would wear to a circle jerk in the 1970's.

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=2

- Adrien Brody meets crime-solving English professor.

- This look is so French, when you buy it, the salesperson is required to insult your cheekbones.

- There are actually seventeen more layers you can't see in the photo. It's the male version of corsetting.

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=3

- If you look at this photo for two long, you'll be rendered sterile.

- It's not just a jacket, it's an optical illusion.

- If you wear this outfit in non-progressive countries, they're legally obligated to shoot you and whatever goat is closest to you.

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=4

- Isn't this what you're supposed to wear if you do battle with Tron?

- The in-thing to do is gain two hundred pounds, have the pants fitted, lose the weight, then keep wearing the pants.

- Are we sure we want to wear anything that can be described as NASA-esque? What would you call this look? The Challenger? (Too soon? If it is, I'll just make the joke again in ten years.)

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=5

- Finally! Something that says "fashionable Communism."

- He almost didn't make it to the runway. It takes longer than you'd think to skin a moose.

- For me, there's just not enough fur around the face. I want my entire face covered with fur. Just staple a cat to my forehead and call it a day.

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=6

- I'll tell you one thing: Annie Lennox has never looked better.

- Is Annie wearing grey sweatpants under that trench coat? Because if that's Paris fashion, I'm moving to Paris.

- Love the serial-killer-orange gloves. LOVE them.

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=7

- It's like Humphrey Bogart in The Maltese Falcon meets Highlander. I can almost hear the seedy noir bagpipes.

- You know how when you get dressed up, and you're almost ready to go, and then you think to yourself--You know what this outfit could use? A skirt! It's like that.

- This is part of Jean Paul Gaultier's Career Day line. What career would this be? Gender Confused Gumshoes?

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=9

- I guess he ran out of pattern? I mean, it's understandable. God knows "peacock" is in demand.

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=11

- Hipsters + All Denim + Tam = Sex-Ma-chine

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=13

- Slowly, ever so slowly, Crispin Glover began to disappear into the night...

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=14

- I know you're upset about him killing the Shaggy Dog to make this outfit, but keep in mind, he used every part of the dog.

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=15

- This look was inspired by Doctor Zhivago if Doctor Zhivago had taken place in 2048 and was the story of a gay taxidermist who falls in love with a robot drag queen.

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=16

- Do I really need to say anything?

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=17

- I really don't see anything unusual about this outfit aside from the galoshes, the electric blue jacket, or the sensible gray dress he's wearing underneath it. I would wear this to Cumberland Farms, or maybe to a swingers party where you have to come dressed like George Jetson's gay nephew.

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=18

- I gotta tell you, I still abhor their politics, but those Hitler Youth sure are dressing snazzier these days.

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=20

- It's the weirdest thing: My top half is freezing, but my legs are ON FIRE!

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=21

- After my brother's wedding, I'm going to a tailgating party and then to a rave in West Hollywood.

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=23

- When he's not modeling, this guy stands on a cliff and directs ships into port.

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=24

- Man, those shoes are great. I just can't focus on anything else but the shoes. Who even notices the bug mask or the half-shirt or the pointy scales sticking up all over the outfit? Not this guy.

http://www.gq.com/fashion-shows/F2012/paris/gq-paris-fashion-week-vibes-coverage-show-reviews#slide=25

- I hope you don't mind the bag. I didn't have time to bury the hooker before I came here.