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28 Things I Wanted to Do By 28

My twenty-eighth birthday is in twenty-seven days (but who's counting?) and so I've started to think about all the things I wanted to do by the time I turned twenty-eight that haven't yet been accomplished.

In no particular order, here's my list:

1.  Star in "Mighty Ducks 4:  Ducks vs. Predator."
2.  Own and maintain my own pumpkin patch.
3.  Witness the demise of "Phantom of the Opera."
4.  Adopt five pugs and name them after the Partridge children.
5.  Have tea and scones with Angela Lansbury.
6.  Adapt "Bedknobs and Broomsticks" for the stage--and by the stage, I mean, my living room.
7.  Eat part of a tomato without immediately gagging and screaming like a crazy person.
8.  Meet Elle Fanning in the Battledome and settle things once and for all.
9.  Go on tour with my Huey Lewis and the News cover band "Breaking News."
10.  Convince the world that I am, in fact, directly related to Laura Ingalls Wilder.
11.  Learn to narrate a murder like Paul Scofield.
12.  Host a talk show with Soleil Moon Frye.
13.  Conquer most of Chile and then myself Grand High Pepper.
14.  Make amends with Suri Cruise.
15.  Reboot "Dawson's Creek."
16.  Open a Dollywood in every state that doesn't already have one.
17.  Jump into a chalk drawing.
18.  Make the phrase "stamp it" happen.
19.  Win a Yahtzee tournament.
20.  Learn how to play Yahtzee.
21.  Forget that at one point I called Adam Sandler "refreshing."
22.  The Muppets + "Eyes Wide Shut" = Box Office Gold
23.  Run for President of the Association for People Who Love Watching Other People in Spelling Bees.
24.  Train an adorable squirrel to attack everybody I don't like.
25.  Invent a spray that makes everything taste like bacon.
26.  Prove that Thomas Jefferson and Jack the Ripper were the same person despite what "historians" may think.
27.  Break into Jessica Alba's house and take any awards she may have been given so that all will be right with the world.
28.  Be part of a bar mitzvah flash mob.

Well, there's always next year...

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