When I thought about writing something about how producers and writers of various television shows plan poorly for success, I started writing down a list of shows with concepts that couldn't possibly extend past three hour-long episodes, let alone an entire season, and then I ran out of paper, ink, and sanity.
Honestly, when you think about what it takes to get a television show on the air, it amazes me that some of these shows made it past a basic Q&A with network executives.
Remember that Romeo and Juliet inspired show on Fox where Juliet's Dad ran an adult film company and Romeo's Dad was the police chief or some awful bullshit like that? The show was cancelled after about half a season despite lots of advance buzz and pretty decent reviews, so nobody could figure out what didn't work.
Here's what didn't work:
Romeo and Juliet is a three-hour play and these bozos expected us to believe it could be stretched out over the course of years.
YEARS.
I mean, that is the game plan, right? When you create a television show, like anything else, you're aiming for a big hit that'll run for many, many seasons, correct?
So why would you create a show that couldn't possibly extend beyond twenty episodes at best when you're going to be expected to produce more than that every...single...year?
Granted, some producers only have to come up with thirteen episodes if they're on cable, and yes, some show creators have shortened game plans that involve telling a story over the course of a certain number of pre-determined seasons, and then finishing with their artistic dignity intact.
But aside from the two shows where that theory actually applies, what about all the other shows that litter the television landscape that have absolutely no plan in place?
It's almost like the motto is--
Well, if we're a hit, then we'll figure out what we're going to do.
That's how you wind up with shows like Jericho and Revenge, that have great first seasons only to run out of steam because it seems like even their own creators didn't anticipate them making it past one season.
(Believe me, nobody likes Revenge more than I do, but I think even the most diehard fan would have to admit that this show has a shorter shelf life than egg salad on the counter in the middle of July.)
Again, I ask--how did this clear all the hurdles it would have to clear to get broadcast to millions of people?
All it would take to get rid of all these shows and prevent future ones from being put in place would be one simple question:
"And what is your plan for Season Two?"
Just think about all the crappy television that would disappear if producers and writers had to answer this question before their show could get on the air.
"Daybreak. It's basically Groundhog Day, but a thriller. And Taye Diggs is in it"
"Okay. And you think you can stretch that out over seven or eight years if it's a hit?"
"Uh, well--"
"Because we're making a big investment here. This is television. We're in it for the long haul."
"Right, well, I think there are lots of ideas to explore here."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"You do know that hit shows do a hundred episodes--easy. And really successful shows do at least a hundred and fifty so--"
"Maybe I should try AMC instead."
When you think about it, it makes sense that an industry run by men has trouble thinking for the long-term. If women ran Hollywood, shit like The Event or whatever that awful show on NBC was called--would never happen. Yes, men have been responsible for some brilliant things as well, but most of the time, it just seems like flukes that ended up paying off.
(Think about how wrong Lost could have gone. I mean, Lost could have gone REALLY wrong.)
I applaud the fact that we're living in an era where people like something other than procedurals. Where attention has to be paid, and if it is, it's rewarded. Where stories are hatched over numerous episodes and not just popped out in an hour like toaster's strudel, but all this requires real work on the part of the people making these shows--and sometimes, it's pretty evident, the work just isn't there.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back and watch Breaking Bad from the beginning. The perfect example of a show that probably could have gone on for years, but decided to go out on top instead.
That, my friends, is television done right.
Honestly, when you think about what it takes to get a television show on the air, it amazes me that some of these shows made it past a basic Q&A with network executives.
Remember that Romeo and Juliet inspired show on Fox where Juliet's Dad ran an adult film company and Romeo's Dad was the police chief or some awful bullshit like that? The show was cancelled after about half a season despite lots of advance buzz and pretty decent reviews, so nobody could figure out what didn't work.
Here's what didn't work:
Romeo and Juliet is a three-hour play and these bozos expected us to believe it could be stretched out over the course of years.
YEARS.
I mean, that is the game plan, right? When you create a television show, like anything else, you're aiming for a big hit that'll run for many, many seasons, correct?
So why would you create a show that couldn't possibly extend beyond twenty episodes at best when you're going to be expected to produce more than that every...single...year?
Granted, some producers only have to come up with thirteen episodes if they're on cable, and yes, some show creators have shortened game plans that involve telling a story over the course of a certain number of pre-determined seasons, and then finishing with their artistic dignity intact.
But aside from the two shows where that theory actually applies, what about all the other shows that litter the television landscape that have absolutely no plan in place?
It's almost like the motto is--
Well, if we're a hit, then we'll figure out what we're going to do.
That's how you wind up with shows like Jericho and Revenge, that have great first seasons only to run out of steam because it seems like even their own creators didn't anticipate them making it past one season.
(Believe me, nobody likes Revenge more than I do, but I think even the most diehard fan would have to admit that this show has a shorter shelf life than egg salad on the counter in the middle of July.)
Again, I ask--how did this clear all the hurdles it would have to clear to get broadcast to millions of people?
All it would take to get rid of all these shows and prevent future ones from being put in place would be one simple question:
"And what is your plan for Season Two?"
Just think about all the crappy television that would disappear if producers and writers had to answer this question before their show could get on the air.
"Daybreak. It's basically Groundhog Day, but a thriller. And Taye Diggs is in it"
"Okay. And you think you can stretch that out over seven or eight years if it's a hit?"
"Uh, well--"
"Because we're making a big investment here. This is television. We're in it for the long haul."
"Right, well, I think there are lots of ideas to explore here."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"You do know that hit shows do a hundred episodes--easy. And really successful shows do at least a hundred and fifty so--"
"Maybe I should try AMC instead."
When you think about it, it makes sense that an industry run by men has trouble thinking for the long-term. If women ran Hollywood, shit like The Event or whatever that awful show on NBC was called--would never happen. Yes, men have been responsible for some brilliant things as well, but most of the time, it just seems like flukes that ended up paying off.
(Think about how wrong Lost could have gone. I mean, Lost could have gone REALLY wrong.)
I applaud the fact that we're living in an era where people like something other than procedurals. Where attention has to be paid, and if it is, it's rewarded. Where stories are hatched over numerous episodes and not just popped out in an hour like toaster's strudel, but all this requires real work on the part of the people making these shows--and sometimes, it's pretty evident, the work just isn't there.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back and watch Breaking Bad from the beginning. The perfect example of a show that probably could have gone on for years, but decided to go out on top instead.
That, my friends, is television done right.
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