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The Food That Won't Kill You



This year I wanted to start eating healthier.

The following problems arose:

-          According to the Internet, all the foods you think are good for you might be bad for you
-          If they’re good for you today, they might be bad for you tomorrow
-          Scientists go back and forth on food more than I do on Anne Hathaway
-          Healthy food is way more expensive than crap (I guess this makes sense, but it explains why more people eat Doritos than kale chips)
-          Red wine is really, really good for you and/or scientists might just be alcoholics.
-          Everything you ate as a kid that you thought was disgusting but that you now find slightly less disgusting is now no longer as good for you as stuff that’s even more disgusting.  (“Oh, you’ve gotten used to brussel sprouts?  That’s great!  I mean, not as great as buffalo saliva grass, but…”)
-          All food is now covered in Monsanto and GMO and the government won’t do anything about it.  So why bother?

Oh, and McDonald’s French fries are real food.

So…I guess I’ll just keep eating those and hope for the best.

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