Giving Up: The CW

I’m giving up a certain amount of tv

Because there’s just too much of it

And also—

I should probably devote some time

To other things

Like eating

Or reading a book

Since, allegedly, I’m a writer

So I’m doing a five-step program

Where I give up a little tv

A little bit at a time

Until I’m down

To only the really good stuff

Like Veep and twelve hours of Food Network a day

That should cover

All my small screen needs

The first step is the CW

Land of Hot Models Who Can Speak Words Sort of Clearly

And the Superheroes Who Love Them

CW is comfort food

And I get that

But these days

You can get that high end Mac and Cheese on Netflix

You don’t need to be eating that Velveeta anymore, gurl

Plus, I have some issues

With most of those shows

The Flash is adorable, but Grant Guslin

Is pretty clearly gay

And no matter what beard they stick on his chin

It just never reads

Supergirl has actually gotten better

As it goes along

But I just don’t see the long game for it

I don’t see the long game

For any of these shows actually

Can you believe Supernatural is still on the air?
Because I don’t think the writers can believe it either

And at this point, it’s probably like—

‘I don’t know.  What if we had them fight a troll?  A leprechaun?  A gremlin?  Can we get the rights to gremlins?’

I won’t lie and say that I’ll never watch

Jane the Virgin again

When I’m sick on the couch
And I just want to feel that warm CW lighting

Wash over me

Like rainwater on the abs

Of pretty much anybody that acts for that network

But I’m not going to make it a priority

These are hard choices

But they have to be made

Wait until you hear about
Step Two…