A Farm for Lazy People

I want to have a farm

But, for like, lazy people

I mean, I love animals
And I love feeding them
And petting them

And not killing them

Granted, that last one

Might be a problem

But are there, like

Farms where you don’t kill the animals?
There must be

I mean, you can still get milk and eggs

And wool

You shouldn’t need to kill them

On top of getting all that from them

Anyway, I digress—

Can I have a farm

Where the animals are, like

Trained to eat their morning meal

At, let’s say, two pm?

And, like, stay up until midnight?
Is that a thing?
Is that a thing

You can train animals to do?

I feel like it’s possible

Literally, the only thing

Deterring me

From owning a farm

Is the whole

Rising bright and early

When the rooster crows aspect

We had a rooster once

And I’m pretty sure my mom killed it

And told us it ran away

I mean, she definitely killed it

But I don’t remember exactly

If she bothered to explain to us

Why it disappeared

She might not have cared that much

To be totally honest with you

I would have no roosters on my farm

Because why, right?

I don’t need them

I don’t need all the animals to be represented

I’m not running an ark here

I mainly want the cute ones

Or the ones that just look at you all the time

Like you’re guilty of something

The way cows do

I love that look

Because I usually feel guilty

All the time

So the animals who look at me that way

Really seem to get

In a way other humans don’t

Also—A Farm for Lazy People

Sounds like the title of a tongue-in-cheek book

One that wouldn’t be that good

After the first chapter

Or maybe it would be good

But I just wouldn’t finish it

And maybe I’m the only one

Who would want a farm

Where the pigs are cool with eating a late breakfast

In the middle of the day

But I actually think
That would be the best farm ever

But that’s just me