I knew this day would come.
When I told a friend that I couldn't listen to "My Favorite Murder" anymore, because the two-hour episodes mostly filled with (admittedly somewhat enjoyable) banter, were too much for somebody who already has an 900-hour podcast backlog, they suggested I try "Crime Junkie."
Right away, I was hooked.
It gave me the "Just the facts" approach to true crime podcasting that I want, even if listening to the hosts felt like eavesdropping on a basic brunch that was going to immediately segue into a Jenna Bush Book Club meeting.
Overlooking the flaws meant that I could get my quick, half-hour murder fix once a week and not have to listen to endless chitchat, which is really all I wanted.
Then, a friend pointed out to me some of the more...troublesome elements of the podcast.
And reader, I made the worst mistake any of us can when we find something we love.
I Googled "Tell me what's wrong with it."
And ohhhhhh boy.
I like to think of myself as an insightful and critical person, but you'd be shocked--unless we've dated in the past--to know how much I can deny when I find something that gives me short-term pleasure.
If you want to look for yourself, you'll find many critiques of "Crime Junkie," but I'm going to stick to the ones that bother me the most.
First off, I CANNOT TAKE CAPTAIN BRIT OBVIOUS anymore.
I don't know if the oblivious shtick is intentional or produced or whatever, and I don't care. It's infuriating.
Here's how an interaction between the hosts usually goes:
ASHLEY: So they found the corpse--
BRIT: Wait, soooo they found a dead body?
ASHLEY: Yes, um, that's what a corpse is. And they don't know who did it?
BRIT: Wait, so they DON'T know who did it?
ASHLEY: No. And, um, they live in California--
BRIT: Wait, wait--the STATE of California, right?
I AM BARELY EXAGGERATING HERE.
Yes, I love the lack of chitchat, but lord give me back Georgia and Karen from MFM and their gorgeous intellect and free me from Basic Brit and her Bimbosity. It's too much.
Second of all, they decorate things a little too much.
Now, I get it.
Nobody wants to listen to a podcast that just runs down the facts of a crime. I mean, I do, but I'm a robot, and I get that I'm alone in this, and that's fine, but...
"Crime Junkie" adds details and assumptions that I just feel amounts to taking too many liberties. I know what they're trying to do. They're trying to make you care about the story and the people in it by fleshing them out like characters in a book, but these are real people who experienced real violence, and that should be enough to make us care about them, and if it doesn't, letting us know that they really loved Extra Spicy Pita Chips probably isn't going to move the needle.
The last thing is the biggest, and it's something a lot of people have pointed out--
They are way too friendly to the police.
Now, it's funny that something like that might be a problem considering they are truly just armchair detectives who are doing absolutely nothing to really help people. I think they raised money once to help with the rape testing backlog, but other than that, they're making a fortune off of turning graphic crime into housewife-appropriate digestible podcast bites.
And, like, good for them, but so many of these crimes are unsolved because of incompetent policing, and yet, they avoid coming right out and saying that every chance they get.
The deal-breaker for me was when Ashley chewed off her own hand so she could escape the handcuffs linking her to Brit and did her own podcast--"Red Ball." In this podcast, she teamed up with a detective and actually got some honest-to-god insider info about a particular crime.
But that resulted in her spending most of the podcast vigorously defending the police work in that case which anybody with a brain could see was problematic at best.
Nobody's saying that police have an easy job and that every police officer is a dickhead, but defending bad cops doesn't do good cops any favors.
It's clear that Ashley desperately wanted to be a police officer herself and either couldn't pass the physical because she couldn't drag Brit over the wall with her or she would just rather make eight times the salary of a detective by touring the country with stories of victims and what their favorite movie was, all the while assuring her listeners that they can help solve a case by listening to twenty-six minutes of a Wikipedia entry dolled up by Reese Witherspoon.
It's just starting to feel really irresponsible, and I've got to give it up.
Not like right away, but, you know...soon.
Pretty soon.
Any day now.
Or, like, Georgia and Karen could just start releasing shorter episodes of "My Favorite Murder" and free me from my guilt.
That would be great.
BRIT: So you DON'T want to listen to us anymore or--
It's complicated, Brit!
When I told a friend that I couldn't listen to "My Favorite Murder" anymore, because the two-hour episodes mostly filled with (admittedly somewhat enjoyable) banter, were too much for somebody who already has an 900-hour podcast backlog, they suggested I try "Crime Junkie."
Right away, I was hooked.
It gave me the "Just the facts" approach to true crime podcasting that I want, even if listening to the hosts felt like eavesdropping on a basic brunch that was going to immediately segue into a Jenna Bush Book Club meeting.
Overlooking the flaws meant that I could get my quick, half-hour murder fix once a week and not have to listen to endless chitchat, which is really all I wanted.
Then, a friend pointed out to me some of the more...troublesome elements of the podcast.
And reader, I made the worst mistake any of us can when we find something we love.
I Googled "Tell me what's wrong with it."
And ohhhhhh boy.
I like to think of myself as an insightful and critical person, but you'd be shocked--unless we've dated in the past--to know how much I can deny when I find something that gives me short-term pleasure.
If you want to look for yourself, you'll find many critiques of "Crime Junkie," but I'm going to stick to the ones that bother me the most.
First off, I CANNOT TAKE CAPTAIN BRIT OBVIOUS anymore.
I don't know if the oblivious shtick is intentional or produced or whatever, and I don't care. It's infuriating.
Here's how an interaction between the hosts usually goes:
ASHLEY: So they found the corpse--
BRIT: Wait, soooo they found a dead body?
ASHLEY: Yes, um, that's what a corpse is. And they don't know who did it?
BRIT: Wait, so they DON'T know who did it?
ASHLEY: No. And, um, they live in California--
BRIT: Wait, wait--the STATE of California, right?
I AM BARELY EXAGGERATING HERE.
Yes, I love the lack of chitchat, but lord give me back Georgia and Karen from MFM and their gorgeous intellect and free me from Basic Brit and her Bimbosity. It's too much.
Second of all, they decorate things a little too much.
Now, I get it.
Nobody wants to listen to a podcast that just runs down the facts of a crime. I mean, I do, but I'm a robot, and I get that I'm alone in this, and that's fine, but...
"Crime Junkie" adds details and assumptions that I just feel amounts to taking too many liberties. I know what they're trying to do. They're trying to make you care about the story and the people in it by fleshing them out like characters in a book, but these are real people who experienced real violence, and that should be enough to make us care about them, and if it doesn't, letting us know that they really loved Extra Spicy Pita Chips probably isn't going to move the needle.
The last thing is the biggest, and it's something a lot of people have pointed out--
They are way too friendly to the police.
Now, it's funny that something like that might be a problem considering they are truly just armchair detectives who are doing absolutely nothing to really help people. I think they raised money once to help with the rape testing backlog, but other than that, they're making a fortune off of turning graphic crime into housewife-appropriate digestible podcast bites.
And, like, good for them, but so many of these crimes are unsolved because of incompetent policing, and yet, they avoid coming right out and saying that every chance they get.
The deal-breaker for me was when Ashley chewed off her own hand so she could escape the handcuffs linking her to Brit and did her own podcast--"Red Ball." In this podcast, she teamed up with a detective and actually got some honest-to-god insider info about a particular crime.
But that resulted in her spending most of the podcast vigorously defending the police work in that case which anybody with a brain could see was problematic at best.
Nobody's saying that police have an easy job and that every police officer is a dickhead, but defending bad cops doesn't do good cops any favors.
It's clear that Ashley desperately wanted to be a police officer herself and either couldn't pass the physical because she couldn't drag Brit over the wall with her or she would just rather make eight times the salary of a detective by touring the country with stories of victims and what their favorite movie was, all the while assuring her listeners that they can help solve a case by listening to twenty-six minutes of a Wikipedia entry dolled up by Reese Witherspoon.
It's just starting to feel really irresponsible, and I've got to give it up.
Not like right away, but, you know...soon.
Pretty soon.
Any day now.
Or, like, Georgia and Karen could just start releasing shorter episodes of "My Favorite Murder" and free me from my guilt.
That would be great.
BRIT: So you DON'T want to listen to us anymore or--
It's complicated, Brit!
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