Last night, I did something I rarely do.
I--a self-proclaimed atheist--said a prayer for a stranger I've never met.
I don't even know their name.
Somebody told me a story about them that was so awful and tragic I felt like I had to do...something for this person I don't even know.
The thing is--that's been happening more and more.
I don't know about you, but whenever I'm in a group of people now, the favorite topic of conversation seems to be--
Hey, did you hear about that horrible thing that happened to that angelic friend of mine who never hurt a soul in their life?
And, you know, people die.
People die all the time.
Somebody just died right now.
In a terrible way.
Right as you were reading this.
Except lately, that thing that seemed to first start lurking around in 2016 when all our favorite celebrities died seems to be...back, and like, stronger.
Like, we didn't even defeated, we just outlived it, and so it went back to its cave, and now it's like, Oh, is this an election year? Let me suit up and go kick some more ass.
I mean, holy cow, are things really not great.
Yes, they've always been not great, but like--
Something feels very tangible about how bad things are at this particular moment.
No wonder The Outsider is doing so well for HBO. It's a show about an other-worldly force going around murdering people and then driving the survivors insane with grief.
The last time I watched I felt like, Yup, seems about right. I wonder if I'm in the next episode.
I have no idea what to blame it on.
This is not a "Here's my hot take on why things are bad" piece.
I've got no clue.
And I'm not despondent or depressed (knock wood) I'm just looking around constantly like--
Who's next?
Because I've crunched the numbers and I am not a lucky person. I never have been. And if this sounds like I'm making the terrors of all the world all about me, I apologize, but you're also reading a blog, which is just vain people screaming into the darkness, so I think you knew what you were getting.
Truthfully, something happening to me is not nearly as scary as something happening to my friends or family, so that's what really makes me nervous.
Statistically it seems as though lately if you haven't experienced a major tragedy this year, you know someone who has, and we're barely two months in.
And while maybe we could be expected to deal with personal calamity or a feeling of local impending dread, compound that with a global feeling of "Yup, it really is getting worse" and you can see why the only thing keeping my anxiety at manageable levels involves manifesting all that fear into a single entity that can be fought or, more honestly, avoided.
Avoiding has now become my entire life.
I'm not sure if I should avoid the news to help my overall mental well-being or if avoiding information would lead to my imagination filling in all the gaps for me, because lord knows, I can scare myself worse than any newscaster can.
That being said, I wish there was a News app called "Tell Me What's Going On But Please Don't Give Me a Heart Attack Unless It's Absolutely Necessary."
Now when my phone rings, my entire body tenses up assuming it's bad news knowing full well then when it really is bad news I will not be prepared for it.
Now when I walk in social situations and someone says something along the lines of "Did you hear?" I have to tell them that "Actually I'm not sure I can handle hearing right now. Sorry. Try me again next week."
Now when someone says "We need to talk" I have to spend twenty minutes explaining to them why that is the cruelest thing you can possibly say to someone in 2020 and that if you have something important or vital to tell someone, just #$%-ing tell them, because the news can't be any worse than the build-up.
And all the while, something's out there.
Some of you who spent your 2016 telling all of us complaining about celebrity deaths that this was all natural. Totally natural. Sometimes years just suck in regards to certain things like politics, pop culture, compassion, and the evolution of humanity.
If that sounds like you, then I would like you to go back and reexamine 2016 and tell me that some weird #$% wasn't going on.
Total disconnect?
Now, for your joke--
Who’s there?
Nobel.
Nobel who?
Nobel…that’s why I knocked!
I mentioned being an atheist, but I also believe in energy--I know, I'm sounding like the woman that used to work in the crystal store in Emerald Square Mall--but more than energy, I believe in momentum.
I believe that once bad stuff starts happening, it's really easy for it to keep happening, and because I'm not a total nihilist, I also believe that can be the case for good stuff.
The problem is, I also believe that either way, you're just riding out a wave of energy, and you have no idea when the wave is going to crash, but you can sort of tell where you are on the wave.
Right now, it feels like we're just about at the top of the wave, but not quite there yet, right?
Like, all these negative events are bad, but they sort of feel like precursors, don't they?
You know, I almost titled this post "Let's Just Go Back to Bed: A Plea for 2020," but it sounded so defeated, when really, I haven't gotten there yet.
One of my co-workers the other day was talking about how she'd really love a blizzard. Now, before you remind me that it's the anniversary of the worst blizzard in New England history and before you tell me how much you hate snow, I would like to argue that she makes a good point, albeit one that wouldn't help people on the West Coast.
Usually around this time of year, we get one big snow, that kills all the germs, locks us in our homes, forces us to clean, makes us watch movies we've been meaning to watch, gets us on the couch with our pets or our loved ones, and just makes us calm down for a little bit.
I'd never say I was the best driver, but I must have witnessed at least three near-massive car accidents yesterday alone, because everybody just seems to be in a rush with no great atmospheric influence slowing them down.
It feels like this is the part where they stop the ride so we can get off, and instead, some carnie is standing there saying "Let's see how long before they jump."
So the question is--Do we jump? And what does jumping look like?
Today I found myself looking at bunkers online thinking--
I mean, I've always thought windows were overrated.
I told you this was not a hot take piece so I don't feel much pressure to end it in some kind of clever way, but because you've gotten this far, I might as well leave you with a joke or something somewhat uplifting. Again, I'm fine. I mean, I'm not fine, but I'm fine. A year ago I wrote a piece talking about how my new frame of existence is "I've been better."
I've now built a house in "I've been better" and it's a really nice house, so don't worry about me. But, like, definitely worry about whatever it is that's out there.
Now for your joke:
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Nobel.
Nobel who?
Nobel, that's why I knocked.
I--a self-proclaimed atheist--said a prayer for a stranger I've never met.
I don't even know their name.
Somebody told me a story about them that was so awful and tragic I felt like I had to do...something for this person I don't even know.
The thing is--that's been happening more and more.
I don't know about you, but whenever I'm in a group of people now, the favorite topic of conversation seems to be--
Hey, did you hear about that horrible thing that happened to that angelic friend of mine who never hurt a soul in their life?
And, you know, people die.
People die all the time.
Somebody just died right now.
In a terrible way.
Right as you were reading this.
Except lately, that thing that seemed to first start lurking around in 2016 when all our favorite celebrities died seems to be...back, and like, stronger.
Like, we didn't even defeated, we just outlived it, and so it went back to its cave, and now it's like, Oh, is this an election year? Let me suit up and go kick some more ass.
I mean, holy cow, are things really not great.
Yes, they've always been not great, but like--
Something feels very tangible about how bad things are at this particular moment.
No wonder The Outsider is doing so well for HBO. It's a show about an other-worldly force going around murdering people and then driving the survivors insane with grief.
The last time I watched I felt like, Yup, seems about right. I wonder if I'm in the next episode.
I have no idea what to blame it on.
This is not a "Here's my hot take on why things are bad" piece.
I've got no clue.
And I'm not despondent or depressed (knock wood) I'm just looking around constantly like--
Who's next?
Because I've crunched the numbers and I am not a lucky person. I never have been. And if this sounds like I'm making the terrors of all the world all about me, I apologize, but you're also reading a blog, which is just vain people screaming into the darkness, so I think you knew what you were getting.
Truthfully, something happening to me is not nearly as scary as something happening to my friends or family, so that's what really makes me nervous.
Statistically it seems as though lately if you haven't experienced a major tragedy this year, you know someone who has, and we're barely two months in.
And while maybe we could be expected to deal with personal calamity or a feeling of local impending dread, compound that with a global feeling of "Yup, it really is getting worse" and you can see why the only thing keeping my anxiety at manageable levels involves manifesting all that fear into a single entity that can be fought or, more honestly, avoided.
Avoiding has now become my entire life.
I'm not sure if I should avoid the news to help my overall mental well-being or if avoiding information would lead to my imagination filling in all the gaps for me, because lord knows, I can scare myself worse than any newscaster can.
That being said, I wish there was a News app called "Tell Me What's Going On But Please Don't Give Me a Heart Attack Unless It's Absolutely Necessary."
Now when my phone rings, my entire body tenses up assuming it's bad news knowing full well then when it really is bad news I will not be prepared for it.
Now when I walk in social situations and someone says something along the lines of "Did you hear?" I have to tell them that "Actually I'm not sure I can handle hearing right now. Sorry. Try me again next week."
Now when someone says "We need to talk" I have to spend twenty minutes explaining to them why that is the cruelest thing you can possibly say to someone in 2020 and that if you have something important or vital to tell someone, just #$%-ing tell them, because the news can't be any worse than the build-up.
And all the while, something's out there.
Some of you who spent your 2016 telling all of us complaining about celebrity deaths that this was all natural. Totally natural. Sometimes years just suck in regards to certain things like politics, pop culture, compassion, and the evolution of humanity.
If that sounds like you, then I would like you to go back and reexamine 2016 and tell me that some weird #$% wasn't going on.
Total disconnect?
Now, for your joke--
Who’s there?
Nobel.
Nobel who?
Nobel…that’s why I knocked!
I mentioned being an atheist, but I also believe in energy--I know, I'm sounding like the woman that used to work in the crystal store in Emerald Square Mall--but more than energy, I believe in momentum.
I believe that once bad stuff starts happening, it's really easy for it to keep happening, and because I'm not a total nihilist, I also believe that can be the case for good stuff.
The problem is, I also believe that either way, you're just riding out a wave of energy, and you have no idea when the wave is going to crash, but you can sort of tell where you are on the wave.
Right now, it feels like we're just about at the top of the wave, but not quite there yet, right?
Like, all these negative events are bad, but they sort of feel like precursors, don't they?
You know, I almost titled this post "Let's Just Go Back to Bed: A Plea for 2020," but it sounded so defeated, when really, I haven't gotten there yet.
One of my co-workers the other day was talking about how she'd really love a blizzard. Now, before you remind me that it's the anniversary of the worst blizzard in New England history and before you tell me how much you hate snow, I would like to argue that she makes a good point, albeit one that wouldn't help people on the West Coast.
Usually around this time of year, we get one big snow, that kills all the germs, locks us in our homes, forces us to clean, makes us watch movies we've been meaning to watch, gets us on the couch with our pets or our loved ones, and just makes us calm down for a little bit.
I'd never say I was the best driver, but I must have witnessed at least three near-massive car accidents yesterday alone, because everybody just seems to be in a rush with no great atmospheric influence slowing them down.
It feels like this is the part where they stop the ride so we can get off, and instead, some carnie is standing there saying "Let's see how long before they jump."
So the question is--Do we jump? And what does jumping look like?
Today I found myself looking at bunkers online thinking--
I mean, I've always thought windows were overrated.
I told you this was not a hot take piece so I don't feel much pressure to end it in some kind of clever way, but because you've gotten this far, I might as well leave you with a joke or something somewhat uplifting. Again, I'm fine. I mean, I'm not fine, but I'm fine. A year ago I wrote a piece talking about how my new frame of existence is "I've been better."
I've now built a house in "I've been better" and it's a really nice house, so don't worry about me. But, like, definitely worry about whatever it is that's out there.
Now for your joke:
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Nobel.
Nobel who?
Nobel, that's why I knocked.
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