The other day on social media, somebody posted a complaint.
No surprise there, right?
This particular complaint, however, really got under my skin, and it had nothing to do with politics, so I guess I should be somewhat grateful for the reprieve.
This complain was the result of the complainer seeing someone else on social media post about painting their guest room.
Yes, you read that right.
I had to unfriend them immediately after seeing them post this, but it was something along the lines of "Ugh, can't we all just take a break and stop trying to be productive?"
Now, let me start by saying this--
If, at any point during this nightmare, someone has told you to be productive, then shame on them. You do not have to be productive.
That being said, like everything else in the world today, what probably started with the good intention of preventing one kind of shaming has pivoted into another kind of shaming.
Now, we've started to shame people who are still staying busy during this time, and that I really can't get behind.
If you're saying, "Kevin, has anybody actually shamed you?" I would say, "They've shamed me about as much as that person felt shamed by seeing that someone they know painted their guest room."
By that I mean, why not just let people do whatever the hell they want.
Somebody behaving a certain way on social media is not any kind of cue that you should or shouldn't be doing something.
Just because everyone you know has suddenly started baking bread or playing ukulele does not mean you need to do that, but it also doesn't give you permission to hop online and rant about how insecure you feel watching others do something you're not doing.
The last time I checked, we were still somewhat in control of how much social media we consume, and we do always have the option to unfollow, so I'm not sure why you'd continually see anything you don't want to see and feel like you're powerless to stop it.
Last week, I did talk about flexing, and yes, some people are flexing right now, which is gross. It's pathetic. But painting a guest room is not flexing. Painting a guest room is something you do because you've now got an endless amount of time on your hands, and maybe you're able to be somewhat active.
Right now, I am not doing anything that would have been considered "productive" before all this started. I'm reading more, I'm listening to a lot more podcasts, I'm watching way more movies, but yes, I am still doing some of the stuff I was doing before--like writing every day.
I'm not forcing it. I'm not trying to make any deadlines. I'm not attempting to finish the Great American Play. But I know myself well enough to know that, for me, self-care involves staying busy and accomplishing even the smallest of tasks.
Yes, I'm lucky, because I'm mentally and emotionally able to do that right now. I have good days and bad days, and on the bad days, even recreational productivity is a stretch, but that's all the more reason I like taking advantage of the good days, because when this is all over, while I will be thrilled to see us on the other end of it, if I felt like I threw away what could end up being a year and a half of my life, that'll be it's own kind of nightmare.
Before all this, I used to long for a kind of pause. A stoppage so that I could get around to a lot of the activities I'm doing now.
Was this how I pictured that going in my fantasy?
Of course not.
But the reality is, when was I ever going to get a pause under great circumstances?
Before this, the only time I organized my cabinets was during a snowstorm, and since climate change means we haven't gotten a real winter where I live for two years now, it's logical to think there are things I was just never going to get around to again.
To those of you who would say--and some of you have--
It's not good for you to judge your worth based on how many tasks you can get done.
Yes, thank you, I'll bring that up with my therapist at our next tele-session.
Who I was before all this was someone who liked being busy, and while that's certainly something I can work on during this, it's not going to change overnight.
Please don't misunderstand me.
I know that when people check in, and ask how I am, and tell me not to take on too much--it's just them being caring, but lately it really rides the line of condescension.
No advice or prescription or method of coping works for everyone.
Yesterday was a good day because I felt like I got a lot done.
Is that how I should judge my good days?
I have no idea.
But my therapist says--"Don't rationalize away your good days."
So I'm not going to.
Right now, it's everybody's job to try our best not to make this situation worse by making each other feel bad for any reason, but we still have to remind ourselves that nothing anyone is doing is a direct attack on us, and that's probably a lesson that we needed to learn way before all of this started.
I also think some of us are starting to realize that the hall passes we gave ourselves to just crawl into bed when all of this started are going to expire before we're ready to try functioning again, and watching other people seem (keyword: seem) to have an easier time with us is triggering a lot of guilt and shame.
Watching people do something that seems to make them feel good at a time when many of us feel like nothing is going to make us feel good can be very frustrating.
But just remember that you have no idea if bread or musical instruments or anything is actually making a difference to someone, or if it's just them attempting to pass the time.
I believe that, sadly, the worst parts of our culture are going to try the hardest to survive all this, and one element is the temptation to mock people for trying--those who try too hard or try to do too much. But anything can seem like too much when so many of us can't do anything at all, and ridiculing or ranting about people is only going to create a spiral effect that isn't going to help anyone.
So please, just let people be.
Let them be busy.
Let them be dormant.
Let them be quiet.
Let them be loud.
Let them be active.
Let them be curled up in a ball and just keep checking to see if they need you.
Don't put judgments on how people are getting through this, and that doesn't just go for people who are struggling, it goes for people who seem not to be struggling.
Just let everybody be.
Considering how much we loved having opinions about other people's lives before this, minding our own business should now keep all of us pretty busy.
No surprise there, right?
This particular complaint, however, really got under my skin, and it had nothing to do with politics, so I guess I should be somewhat grateful for the reprieve.
This complain was the result of the complainer seeing someone else on social media post about painting their guest room.
Yes, you read that right.
I had to unfriend them immediately after seeing them post this, but it was something along the lines of "Ugh, can't we all just take a break and stop trying to be productive?"
Now, let me start by saying this--
If, at any point during this nightmare, someone has told you to be productive, then shame on them. You do not have to be productive.
That being said, like everything else in the world today, what probably started with the good intention of preventing one kind of shaming has pivoted into another kind of shaming.
Now, we've started to shame people who are still staying busy during this time, and that I really can't get behind.
If you're saying, "Kevin, has anybody actually shamed you?" I would say, "They've shamed me about as much as that person felt shamed by seeing that someone they know painted their guest room."
By that I mean, why not just let people do whatever the hell they want.
Somebody behaving a certain way on social media is not any kind of cue that you should or shouldn't be doing something.
Just because everyone you know has suddenly started baking bread or playing ukulele does not mean you need to do that, but it also doesn't give you permission to hop online and rant about how insecure you feel watching others do something you're not doing.
The last time I checked, we were still somewhat in control of how much social media we consume, and we do always have the option to unfollow, so I'm not sure why you'd continually see anything you don't want to see and feel like you're powerless to stop it.
Last week, I did talk about flexing, and yes, some people are flexing right now, which is gross. It's pathetic. But painting a guest room is not flexing. Painting a guest room is something you do because you've now got an endless amount of time on your hands, and maybe you're able to be somewhat active.
Right now, I am not doing anything that would have been considered "productive" before all this started. I'm reading more, I'm listening to a lot more podcasts, I'm watching way more movies, but yes, I am still doing some of the stuff I was doing before--like writing every day.
I'm not forcing it. I'm not trying to make any deadlines. I'm not attempting to finish the Great American Play. But I know myself well enough to know that, for me, self-care involves staying busy and accomplishing even the smallest of tasks.
Yes, I'm lucky, because I'm mentally and emotionally able to do that right now. I have good days and bad days, and on the bad days, even recreational productivity is a stretch, but that's all the more reason I like taking advantage of the good days, because when this is all over, while I will be thrilled to see us on the other end of it, if I felt like I threw away what could end up being a year and a half of my life, that'll be it's own kind of nightmare.
Before all this, I used to long for a kind of pause. A stoppage so that I could get around to a lot of the activities I'm doing now.
Was this how I pictured that going in my fantasy?
Of course not.
But the reality is, when was I ever going to get a pause under great circumstances?
Before this, the only time I organized my cabinets was during a snowstorm, and since climate change means we haven't gotten a real winter where I live for two years now, it's logical to think there are things I was just never going to get around to again.
To those of you who would say--and some of you have--
It's not good for you to judge your worth based on how many tasks you can get done.
Yes, thank you, I'll bring that up with my therapist at our next tele-session.
Who I was before all this was someone who liked being busy, and while that's certainly something I can work on during this, it's not going to change overnight.
Please don't misunderstand me.
I know that when people check in, and ask how I am, and tell me not to take on too much--it's just them being caring, but lately it really rides the line of condescension.
No advice or prescription or method of coping works for everyone.
Yesterday was a good day because I felt like I got a lot done.
Is that how I should judge my good days?
I have no idea.
But my therapist says--"Don't rationalize away your good days."
So I'm not going to.
Right now, it's everybody's job to try our best not to make this situation worse by making each other feel bad for any reason, but we still have to remind ourselves that nothing anyone is doing is a direct attack on us, and that's probably a lesson that we needed to learn way before all of this started.
I also think some of us are starting to realize that the hall passes we gave ourselves to just crawl into bed when all of this started are going to expire before we're ready to try functioning again, and watching other people seem (keyword: seem) to have an easier time with us is triggering a lot of guilt and shame.
Watching people do something that seems to make them feel good at a time when many of us feel like nothing is going to make us feel good can be very frustrating.
But just remember that you have no idea if bread or musical instruments or anything is actually making a difference to someone, or if it's just them attempting to pass the time.
I believe that, sadly, the worst parts of our culture are going to try the hardest to survive all this, and one element is the temptation to mock people for trying--those who try too hard or try to do too much. But anything can seem like too much when so many of us can't do anything at all, and ridiculing or ranting about people is only going to create a spiral effect that isn't going to help anyone.
So please, just let people be.
Let them be busy.
Let them be dormant.
Let them be quiet.
Let them be loud.
Let them be active.
Let them be curled up in a ball and just keep checking to see if they need you.
Don't put judgments on how people are getting through this, and that doesn't just go for people who are struggling, it goes for people who seem not to be struggling.
Just let everybody be.
Considering how much we loved having opinions about other people's lives before this, minding our own business should now keep all of us pretty busy.
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