Since we all need to celebrate...something, I thought I'd become one of those people who go all in on Halloween this year.
That's why this month, all the fiction I post on my blog will be Halloween-themed ( www.thekevinbroccoliblog.blogspot.com). All my "Man About Town" column pieces in Motif Magazine will be scary and spooky and ooky dooky. And if you drive by my house, I'll throw plain M&M's at you from six feet away, but not the Peanut ones, because those are miiiiiiiine.
And I've spent the past few months acquiring some of the wildest scary theater stories I could find from all over the country.
First up, a story about a spirit who just loves to disrupt a performance.
Submitted for the approval of all four people reading this, I call this interview--
"The Tale of the Ghost in the Wings"
ME: Did anybody tell you about the ghost before you saw it?
THEM: Yes. We were in the dressing room, and an actor came backstage, and said they were having a hard time with lines tonight, and someone else said 'Must be Jane.' I said 'Who's Jane?' That's when they told me about the ghost.
ME: So who was Jane?
THEM: Jane was an actress who had worked at the theater years and years before--
ME: This is a theater that's been around for awhile.
THEM: It has. It's in this beautiful building, right downtown, in [Name of City] and Jane was an actress who worked there, and she--According to legend, because I've never looked this up, but Jane was known for being something of a diva. She was an actress and a singer, and on one of the opening nights, someone had not put Jane's costume in the wings where it was should have been, and she screamed at everyone, as the show was going on, and then went back to the dressing room, sat down, and had a heart attack.
ME: That can't be real.
THEM: This is how the story is told. I'm sure it's been exaggerated, but I know Jane was real, because there's a photo of her--an old photo--in the lobby. She's standing with the cast of a play--I think it's one of those old comedies, some farce.
ME: How does she look?
THEM: She's very pretty. Definitely has that royal look to her.
ME: And after she dies, people start blaming her if they can't remember their lines?
THEM: They blame her for everything. If a prop goes missing, if a light doesn't work--
ME: They just say 'It's Jane.'
THEM: Yes, but people had also seen her.
ME: Did you know that before you saw her?
THEM: No. That part I didn't hear.
ME: They didn't warn you.
THEM: They did not.
ME: Did you believe in ghosts before this?
THEM: Not at all. I would have laughed if someone told me they saw a ghost.
ME: I'm laughing right now, but quietly.
THEM: So you don't believe in ghosts?
ME: Oh no, I do. I'm laughing because I'm already terrified to hear this story.
THEM: It's pretty terrifying.
ME: Great. Please continue.
THEM: I'm onstage and there's a moment in this play we were doing where, you know, that moment where the lead steps forward and solves the crime. There's this big long monologue, and I'm standing there waiting for him to finish--
ME: You're acting.
THEM: Yes, I'm acting. I'm not thinking about what I'm going to eat after the show.
ME: Right.
THEM: Out of the corner of my eye, I catch the curtain to the right of me moving. Now, what you need to know is that, at this moment, everyone is onstage. All the actors. The stage manager is in the booth, which is at the back of the theater. There's our ASM at stage left, and that's it, as far as I know, so there is no reason the curtain at stage right should be moving.
ME: Was it moving a little or--
THEM: No, it looked like someone was MOVING it. Like, it was moving as if there was a draft or something, and there is no window at stage right. There is no doorway. There's no way to get over there unless you went behind the backdrop, so nobody should have been over there.
ME: Okay.
THEM: The lead is talking and I'm going 'Why is this curtain moving?' but I'm trying not to look too much, because I'm supposed to be paying attention, but I look over one quick time to see if I can catch what's going on, and I see her.
ME: You see Jane?
THEM: Yes.
ME: Oh my god.
THEM: She's standing there--
ME: Does she look like a ghost?
THEM: She looks like a person. A normal person standing there in a costume.
ME: What kind of costume?
THEM: What I learned later was that it's the costume she was wearing the night she died, but it just so happened that the costume looked a lot like the costumes we were wearing in the play we were doing.
ME: So you thought she was just another actress in the show?
THEM: I was like--Wait, who isn't onstage right now and who is this person?
ME: But you must have realized that--
THEM: Then she disappeared.
ME: She disappeared?
THEM: Right in front of me. She was there. I'm looking at her. Then she's gone.
ME: Oh #$%@.
THEM: I--screamed.
ME: You screamed?
THEM: I screamed, because--
ME: Oh wow.
THEM: But wait, because, she disappeared, my mouth dropped, and then I felt something go through me.
ME: Nope.
THEM: It felt like a mist or something went THROUGH me onstage. It was the coldest thing I have ever felt in my life. It filled up my entire body.
ME: No, no, no.
THEM: Then I screamed.
ME: I forgive you.
THEM: Thank you. That's why I came here.
ME: I grant you forgiveness for your incredible unprofessionalism because you were covered in ectoplasm.
THEM: Okay, you're joking, but--
ME: Please tell me there wasn't actually ectoplasm.
THEM: When I changed out of the costume that night, there were welts all over me.
ME: WELTS?
THEM: Like someone had slapped me.
ME: Did they hurt?
THEM: No. And I didn't feel myself getting slapped, but I was RED.
ME: Why didn't anyone warn you this could happen?
THEM: I guess it had only happened a few times over the years, and they probably didn't want to scare anybody away from working there.
ME: People might have laughed it off anyway.
THEM: A lot of people thought I was pranking them.
ME: What happened when you screamed?
THEM: Everyone looked at me. I tried to turn the scream into a cough, because right away, I was so embarrassed.
ME: Scream-into-a-cough is a crucial actor trick.
THEM: It really is. The play went on, and afterwards, I told everybody what I saw, and they took me to the lobby, and that's when I saw the picture of Jane.
ME: And it was her?
THEM: It was her.
ME: Did you ever see her again?
THEM: No, but one of the actors in the cast told me that one night she was backstage waiting to go on. The rest of the cast wasn't there, because the rehearsal was only for three of the actors, and so two were onstage, and she was backstage, and she said she felt someone standing behind her. And, same thing, she knew it couldn't be anybody that was supposed to be there, because they were all out in the house or onstage, and she said her entire body was gripped really tightly where she couldn't turn around even if she wanted to, and then she felt whatever it was move to the side as if it was going back to the dressing room, and she went to speak, and she couldn't speak.
ME: Because she was so scared?
THEM: No, she lost her voice.
ME: She lost it?
THEM: She said she lost her voice. Her voice went hoarse. She went on for her entrance and had to signal to the director and stage manager that her voice was gone, and the director, who had worked at the theater for years, knew exactly what had happened.
ME: So the ghost took her voice like Ursula in The Little Mermaid?
THEM: She said her voice had been fine before. She wasn't sick. Her voice was just gone. It didn't come back for two days.
ME: I am going to publish this theater's name.
THEM: After a hundred interviews, you're finally going to name someone.
ME: They need to be exposed. Nobody should ever work there again.
THEM: I never worked there again.
ME: Because you were too scared?
THEM: No, they just never hired me again.
ME: Because you screamed onstage.
THEM: They only want people working there who aren't afraid of ghosts.
ME: Well, I can't work there.
THEM: Jane might grab your voice.
ME: Not today, Jane.
THEM: Not today.
Them is an actor and a podcast host.
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