Two years ago, I started interviewing people in the theater world about the problems within that community.
All the subjects of the interviews remained anonymous to encourage people to speak directly and plainly without worrying that there would be consequences down the line.
(Of course, even then, some people felt like outing themselves and getting in hot water, but we're going to leave that water under another bridge.)
When I decided it was time to bring the series to a close, it was partly because I thought it had run its course, and partly because I had a new topic I wanted to tackle.
While I've had my issues with theater and the people who do it, I've never felt like I didn't belong there, whereas from the moment I came out, I've never truly felt like a part of the gay community.
To be clear, that probably has way more to do with me than the community, but it's something I wanted to explore, and I knew how I wanted to do it.
The theater interviews were always conducted with people who didn't live anywhere near me, and there was a reason for that. We like to think that if we can attach a problem to someone we know, we can fix the problem, and I've never found that to be the case. Problems within systems are not caused by any one person, but the system itself. That's the case in theater, and I believe it's the same for the LGBTQI+ community.
So I picked a city far from my own, and I started reaching out to gay men in that city. I spent a few months following as many of them as I could on social media, and then I began asking if I could interview them. The goal was to see if we could address some of the issues of the modern gay community and get to the heart of those issues while hopefully find some solutions.
Today I'm speaking with The Host of a series of parties I covered in previous interviews. If you haven't yet, go back and read those by going to A List of Interviews in the Community Series .
Here's the interview:
ME: So hi.
THE HOST: Hi.
ME: I usually do the basics first, but I think we've...pretty much covered that.
THE HOST: What are the basics?
ME: Like age, how long you've lived in--
THE HOST: I wasn't going to tell you my age so.
ME: (Laughs.) That's fair. So let's go with the obvious question first--Why did you want to do this after refusing for so long?
THE HOST: I was...angry. I think I needed to come at this with a cooler head, and that's what I'm doing.
ME: So this won't get heated then?
THE HOST: I think that's up to you.
ME: I'm fine with--
THE HOST: Because you do well when things get that way.
ME: What way? Confrontational?
THE HOST: Yes.
ME: I wouldn't say I do well--
THE HOST: You've said that you get more clicks that way.
ME: Yes, that's mostly true.
THE HOST: I'm not a confrontational person, but I--
ME: You're not?
THE HOST: No.
ME: That hasn't been the experience of a lot of the people I've spoken with--
THE HOST: Well, they're entitled to their opinion of their experience, but that's not really a good--
ME: What does 'their opinion of their experience' mean?
THE HOST: You don't understand the concept?
ME: I understand what you're trying to say, but it sounds so full of s*** I'm wondering if you want to rephrase it?
THE HOST: No. I think it's fine the way it is.
ME: Okay then.
THE HOST: Okay then.
ME: Is there a Guest List?
THE HOST: What do you think?
ME: I'm asking you.
THE HOST: I think there are people who enjoy spending time with each other.
ME: And those people are on a list?
THE HOST: Do you have lists of people you enjoy spending time with?
ME: Like in a Google Doc?
THE HOST: I think a lot has been made of this 'list' and I think it's overblown.
ME: I--
THE HOST: It's been overblown by you, mostly, and this thing you're doing.
ME: What is it you think I'm doing?
THE HOST: Hurting people.
ME: I'm hurting people?
THE HOST: Yes.
ME: Who am I hurting?
THE HOST: A lot of people.
ME: By doing these interviews?
THE HOST: By portraying people in ways that are not true.
ME: Like how I've portrayed you?
THE HOST: Yes. But not just me.
ME: Let's see if we begin this with some kind of agreed-upon...something. Do you think anything that's been said about you in previous interviews has been true?
THE HOST: I'm not denying some of it is true.
ME: Okay. Which parts are true?
THE HOST: I do have people over to myself most weekends.
ME: Parties?
THE HOST: Sometimes parties, not always.
ME: When you do have parties, how would you describe them?
THE HOST: They're just parties.
ME: How do you decide who comes to the parties?
THE HOST: I invite my friends?
ME: Only your friends?
THE HOST: Sometimes they bring their friends.
ME: So when Scott was brought--
THE HOST: Do I have to use that name? It's not his name.
ME: We don't use real names. I won't use your real name.
THE HOST: Because you're scared of people looking me up and finding out I'm not the Boogeyman?
ME: No, I'd just like you to speak freely--
THE HOST: I always speak freely.
ME: Unless you're refusing to speak to someone for months--
THE HOST: I'm sorry I wasn't giving the people who read this what they want.
ME: Well, I don't know if it's what they want. We need you to actually say something first.
THE HOST: I'm answering your questions.
ME: You're debating what constitutes a party.
THE HOST: Let's say I throw parties then. That's fine.
ME: Do you strictly invite people from the Guest List to your parties?
THE HOST: People that I'm friends with? Yes.
ME: Do those parties ever turn sexual?
THE HOST: What does sexual mean?
ME: Did you parents never have that talk with you?
THE HOST: I don't know what 'things turning sexual' at a party would mean?
ME: It means did people have sex at your parties?
THE HOST: They might have.
ME: Have you had sex at your parties?
THE HOST: I think that should be kept private.
ME: Do you--
THE HOST: You're so interested in sex.
ME: Yes, I was born thirty-six years ago, and ever since then, it's all I think about.
THE HOST: I think that's so uncomfortable.
ME: Talking about sex?
THE HOST: I don't see why some people need to talk about sex all the time.
ME: So you just want to have sex. You don't want to talk about it?
THE HOST: I'll talk about it. With my boyfriend, who I love. And with my friends, sometimes.
ME: What about the people who aren't your boyfriend and aren't your friends who you also have sex with? Do you talk about with them?
THE HOST: Are you trying to catch me in a lie?
ME: If you don't lie, I can't catch you in anything, can I?
THE HOST: You could always make something up.
ME: Have I made anything so far?
THE HOST: In this conversation?
ME: Or any previous--
THE HOST: Yes. Well--You have and the people you've talked to have.
ME: Which people?
THE HOST: All of them.
ME: Did Chet make anything up?
THE HOST: Chet just can't keep much straight.
ME: Why do you say that?
THE HOST: Because it's true. He's a drunk. Drunks can't keep their lies straight.
ME: He's not a drunk.
THE HOST: You called him a drunk.
ME: I noticed that he had a drinking problem.
THE HOST: If you want to call it that, you can.
ME: What would you call it--
THE HOST: I already called it--
ME: He is your friend, right?
THE HOST: We haven't spoken. He's not speaking to me.
ME: Did he--
THE HOST: Because of you.
ME: Because I showed him the message where you said you wouldn't care if he died in a car accident? Was that my fault?
THE HOST: It--
ME: Did I take your phone and manufacture that message to him? Is that what happened?
THE HOST: You took the message out of context.
ME: What context would saying something like that be appropriate?
THE HOST: It's frustrating to be friends with Chet because of his drinking. I got frustrated. Do you ever get frustrated?
ME: I'm a little frustrated right now, to be honest.
THE HOST: I've done a lot for Chet, and I value loyalty to someone who's shown you loyalty.
ME: Oh, we all know you value loyalty. You value loyalty above human decency, apparently.
THE HOST: I wouldn't say that.
ME: Did you--
THE HOST: Can I ask you something?
ME: Sure. Let's have you do the whole interview?
THE HOST: Are you going to admit that you do these interviews because you're bitter?
ME: What am I bitter about?
THE HOST: I don't know. I think--People in [The Community] get mad at me because I don't want anything to do with them, and then they make up stories about me. I can't be friends with everyone, and I think, I don't have to invite people over my house or spend time with people I don't like, and nobody wants to hear that. I think you're the same way. I think nobody likes you and nobody wants to spend time with you, and because you've been turned down by people--I mean, you're just not a very attractive person--inside or out--and I think that's why you're doing this. To take down all these people you feel slighted by who you don't even know, because nobody let you come play with them? I mean, I don't know. You tell me why you're like this.
ME: I think when you're as ugly as I am, it's just so hard, you know?
THE HOST: I'm sure it must be.
ME: I mean, they only let me out of the bell tower during the Festival of Fools, and it's just not enough.
THE HOST: You're joking, but I do think you need help.
ME: You're trying to tell me that I'm about to spend two years of my life on a project because someone who looks like you--
THE HOST: It's not just--
ME: If the best insult you've got is 'I wouldn't sleep with you and my friends wouldn't either,' first of all, based on my DM's, that's not true. Second of all--
THE HOST: DM's from you?
ME: From your boyfriend, for one thing.
THE HOST: No.
ME: He's very flirty and he really likes this blog.
THE HOST: (Laughs.) You're funny.
ME: Birthmark on his lower back, right?
(A second.)
Not going to see that on his Instagram. Saves that for the close friends, I guess. What's the matter? You're not laughing.
THE HOST: I'll speak with him.
ME: Please do. It's getting embarrassing. Did you send Scott a death threat?
THE HOST: I protect my friends. If you had any friends, I'm sure they'd want to protect you.
ME: I don't need anybody's protection. Usually people need protection from me.
THE HOST: Because you're a bully.
ME: A big one. Did you send that death threat?
THE HOST: It wasn't a death threat.
ME: Did you tell Chet to wear the costume on Halloween that got him in trouble?
THE HOST: It was a joke. He was too drunk to notice.
ME: Why is control so important to you?
THE HOST: I work very hard. For everything I have. My house. My friends. My--
ME: Friends and a house are not the same thing. You can't own your friends.
THE HOST: I work very hard to have my life the way I want it. I'm not going to apologize for that.
ME: But do you think it's possible to have that much control?
THE HOST: Everybody was happy with it until you--
ME: No, they weren't. I promise you, they weren't.
THE HOST: They could've fooled me.
ME: If you tell people 'Come over to my house and you can have sex with beautiful people and drink alcohol on me and go in the pool and we'll go on vacations together and I'll pay' then that's not 'creating a life' that's letting people take advantage of you.
THE HOST: I guess I took advantage of them too then.
ME: But what did you get out of it? Pictures on Instagram making your life look desirable? Your life looks ****ing exhausting. I'm not saying it never looks fun, but all that work you put into it? What did it get you? You don't have one real friends.
THE HOST: I have a lot of friends.
ME: And see, I had already decided that no matter what you came here to say, I was going to have to show you that--
THE HOST: What are you going to show me? You have nothing to show me. You going to show me conversations you've had with my friends? I don't care. You're not changing anything. They think this is funny. That's all. They're still my friends.
ME: Text one of them. See if they text back.
THE HOST: Why?
ME: Text [Name of Man].
THE HOST: Why?
ME: They're not going to text you back.
THE HOST: Why not?
ME: I have it on good authority, you're not getting replies from any of them for awhile.
THE HOST: Why not?
ME: Because I shared a lot of conversations with them that I was made aware of and, unlike you, they really did care.
THE HOST: I'll speak with them later.
ME: I don't think you will, babe.
THE HOST: This is you hurting people again.
ME: This is you being given a chance to reflect. I suggest you take it.
THE HOST: I don't care.
ME: You don't care if all your friends--
THE HOST: They're not my friends. That's what you said.
ME: But do you like any of them?
THE HOST: What do you think?
ME: I think the party's over.
The Host ended the call shortly after exchanging a few more words. To get background into this interview, sign up for the Epic Patreon by going to www.Patreon.com/EpicTheatreCo and listen to "The Community Podcast."
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