This Can't Be Broccoli

My Mom pulled out my yearbook from senior year, and I thought it might be fun to post some of the comments in it, because I really am that much of a sap.  Keep in mind; we were all MUCH younger and our vocabularies were limited.  I'm using "we" because I'm sure I wasn't exactly writing poetry in anyone's yearbook.  How nice when things were said from the heart without trying to sound clever.  Sidenote:  I corrected some of the spelling, and left out some personal stuff, but I haven't changed anything else.  Also, Trevor's nickname for me was Kyle; he did, in fact, know who I was.  As you'll see, the girls loved using From Mandy:  My Dearest Kevin, you have been an incredible part of my life.  I don't know what I'm doing with you by my side every day next year.  You are my best friend, and I love you so very much.  I trust you and believe in you, and I know you will succeed in whatever you decide to do in life.  I love you.  Love Always, M...

Lots of exciting things have been happening in the world of reality television.  I was so happy that Joan Rivers won The Celebrity Apprentice.  What are the odds that the reason I started watching in the first place would turn out to keep me tuned in the entire season (Oh wait, that's called--the producers weren't stupid enough to let that cow leave before they milked her dry) and Helen won The Biggest Loser, meaning I finally am not happy with a Biggest Loser winner--I knew the day would come. Nothing, however, has gotten me as riled up as the cover of Entertainment Weekly.  They put Adam Lambert on the cover, and right beneath his photo, they put this sentence-- "And he MIGHT be gay!" Um, might?  I'm sorry.  Isn't he the same guy they found photos of kissing other guys WHILE IN DRAG?  I'm thinking "might" is a bit weak of a word. Besides, Broadway.com has been doing interviews with some of his theater friends, and from what I can gather, not on...

Dear CW, I see you've chosen to revive Melrose Place . At first, I was appalled, then thrilled, then appalled again. (This was all based on whether or not Heather "Spins Crap Into Gold" Locklear was going to be involved or not.) Now, you've added Ashley Simpson and Mischa Barton surely isn't far behind. Since most of the new MP cast is the same age as the 90210 cast, I'm wondering if you're a little confused about the idea behind these two shows--at one time, Fox's best offerings. One is about slutty teenagers, and the other is about slutty adults. It's very important that there be a distinction there. But that's not why I'm writing to you. I'm not sure what legal loopholes got you the rights to everything Aaron Spelling produced, but I'm hoping that A) you leave Dynasty alone, and B) that you still own whatever the now-defunct WB used to air. If B) is in fact true, then I have the following suggestion: Revive Dawson's C...

So Andy Rooney has opinions, does he? Well, that's quite fair. Here's my opinion of Andy Rooney: 1) When Sixty Minutes shoves you at the end of the show, only giving you thirty seconds to say what you think, while giving the segment on "Transvestite Hookers from Australia" fifteen minutes, obviously they feel the same way about your opinion as I do. 2) Someone in Andy Rooney's family is either black, spanish, non-English speaking, gay, bisexual, perverted, claustrophobic, or just plain stupid--that's my law of probability. 3) "I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them." - He likes watching men in speedos touch each other, why am I not surprised? 4) "I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be 'African-Americans?' ...

I STILL WON’T DRIVE A MINI-VAN In this raucous take on domestic life, Kevin Broccoli—one of our nation’s foremost syndicated columnists—puts together a mixture of humor and pathos all dealing with his children and partner of twenty years, George Clooney. Follow him through his incredible, and sadly short-lived, career as a theater actor only to give it all up after adopting his twins, Luke and Spencer. He discusses with humbleness and honesty how he decided to become a syndicated columnist and keep adopting children even when offered the lead role in the Broadway revival of GRAND HOTEL. At the heart of this book is the theme of love taming the wild man, the love Kevin found with one of the nation’s hottest actors when they met at the Met, the national outcry not over the shock of Clooney’s sexuality being revealed, or the age difference, but simply the envy of women and gay men everywhere. It also about the love of parent and children. Read about the twins, who grew up to be dual veter...

-- Interview Conducted in My Head -- ME: Thanks for agreeing to this interview. MSE: Is there liquor? Someone said margaritas. ME: You don't need to drink anymore. Trust me. MSE: God, I'm sober and you're speaking. It's like being next to a wind tunnel right when the geese fly into it. On Careers ME: So what do you do for a living? Aside from torment me? MSE: I'm sorry, what? I wasn't listening. ME: I was talking about careers. MSE: Do you have one? ME: I work at a library. MSE: Hahaha...No, but really. ME: It's a real job. It's full-time. There are benefits. MSE: Like what? You get the Nora Roberts books before everyone else? ME: I meant health benefits. MSE: Good. You should get that thing checked out. ME: What thing? MSE: Oh, it's just your skin. Never mind. On Dating ME: So who have you dated besides everyone I ever liked? MSE: It's not my fault they liked me more. Different people have different preferences. ME...