This Can't Be Broccoli

A recent CNN feature posed the question of whether or not it's okay to be "spiritual but not religious." The term has grown so popular that it even has an abbreviation. People are now responding with "SBNR" when asked about their belief system. The feature went on to discuss how many religious figures feel this is a new self-centered approach to faith--that picking choosing which elements you like about spirituality and then taking religion out of it isn't really believing in anything. I found this to be incredibly insulting as someone who would say they are very spiritual, but not religious (although I'm not sure I'd use the abbreviation, as that does seem to take any sort of seriousness out of it). About ten years ago, Oprah Winfrey started a feature on her show entitled "Remembering Your Spirit" and found instant backlash from viewers who felt that Oprah was trying to preach religion at them. Winfrey explained that she wasn't preach...

I think I may have found my very own "He's Just Not That Into You." You know, the direct catchphrase that changed the way women think about dating with a dash of cruelty and a big lump of honesty? Yeah, I think I found another one of those. Here it is: "Have you ever tried not dating?" Think about it--it fits almost every bad dating situation. Your girl friend tells you that she keeps winding up with guys who steal her car and use her ATM card. You respond with: Have you ever tried not dating? Your guy friend tells you he always winds up with crazy girls who try knocking him unconscious and taking him to an all-night wedding chapel in Las Vegas. You respond with: Have you ever tried not dating? At first, it just sounds means, but then they think about it-- Wouldn't most of their problems be solved if they had time to reflect on what was going on with them? At the very least, they're not going to get into any more trouble because they just WON'T be ...

I've had this discussion with a few of my friends, and we all agree it's a problem. The problem being not bathing. It seems like every time I'm outside a poetry cafe or walking down a street that's near a college with a strong Art department, it occurs-- Bad Smells. I have to admit, smelling bad is always something that's thoroughly boggled my mind. Now, I realize that for some people, body odor is something that can't be solved with mere bathing. Some people--like my father's side of the family--need to be extra vigilant in order to smell nice. What gets me are the people who smell bad simply because they've decided that not bathing makes them edgy. Just so we're clear, there is NOTHING edgy about not bathing. Bathing is something EVERYBODY has to do. It's not a style choice. It's not an opinion. It's not a political stance. It's bathing. You HAVE to do it. Thousands of years ago, we all got together as a society, and decided there ...

What's my least favorite expression? "What's the rush?" Variations also irritate me-- "What are you rushing for?" "What's the hurry?" "Slow down, relax." I think of this expression every time I'm five minutes late for work, and I'm driving down the (of course) one-way street that goes on for miles between where I work and my apartment. Inevitably, there is always a little old man in a Cadillac on that road going five miles an hour because he's not in a rush. Well, you know what? I am. And I say, if you're not in a rush, get out of my way. Pull over to the side of the road, and let someone who has someplace to be get where they need to go. Yes, I rush, and no, I do not feel guilty about it. I'm busy. I work. I have places to be. Why should I feel guilty? We live in an age of constant activity, where we're expected to be three places at once and get at least three to-do lists done a day. Saying we should buck ...

The great battle of summer is once again upon us. Of course, I'm talking about trying to get kids to pick up a book anytime between June and July. So is there actually a solution to this problem? Yes, it's called-- Trashy Young Adult Literature Wait, hear me out. So often I see kids interested in books because of the sex and/or violence present in it. Then they're rebuffed by their parents, and made to pick up something like "Journey to the Center of the Earth" or "The Red Badge of Courage." These parents end up being the same ones who take out Danielle Steel or James Patterson because of the sex and violence in it, but then refuse to let their kids be turned onto reading using the same bait. Look, haven't we all accepted that if kids want to see inappropriate material past the age of twelve we're all pretty much powerless to stop them? Personally, I'd rather have my younger brother reading about sex than seeing it on the CW. I know what you...

The issue of whether or not gay men should give blood has always been a hot-button topic, but it's about to go on the front burner once again. After being reviewed in 2000 and 2006, people are once again debating whether or not gay men should be denied the opportunity to give blood. As it stands, the regulation is that any man who has had sex with another man after 1977 is denied from giving blood because gay men are more likely to be exposed to H.I.V. than heterosexuals are. Scientists say that it's not a gay rights issue, but simply an issue of safety. Basically, they say that the facts are the facts, and although it may sound prejudice, there's still a risk that allowing gay men to donate blood might contaminate the blood supply. Now, I think it's important to mention that the following factors still have no bearing on whether or not gay men can give blood: - If they've been tested for H.I.V. - If they're only been with one man in a monogamous relationship ...

Recently, the 1,000 most popular baby names of the year was released. Although the most popular names, Isabella and Jacob, aren't anything all that strange--there were a few oddities on the list. For one thing, the name Nevaeh placed on the list. For those of you who aren't sure how that made it, it's "Heaven" spelled backwards. Yup, some parents are telling their kids they're a backwards Heaven...which would be Hell, right? I guess they didn't think that through. How would you even pronounce "Nevaeh?" Nuh-vay-uh? That sounds like someone trying to make up an ethnic name without figuring out what ethnicity beforehand. In other words, it's stupid. I'm all for original names, but there should be some meaning or purpose behind it. Maddox made the list--a name Angelina Jolie gave to her son, and now others are giving to theirs. What are you going to tell your son when he's ten? "Well, sweetie, we called you that because this crazy...

For the first time in a few years, I'm not sure who's going to win American Idol. The obvious choice since the beginning of the season would be Crystal. Her performances were consistently polished and exemplary compared to contestants like Katie Stevens, who would have had a better chance if they resurrected American Juniors with Justin Guarini. The past few weeks, however, something interesting has been happening. (Of course, nobody's noticed because everybody gave up on Idol back when Lacey Brown was still caterwauling through "Kiss Me.") While the sheen has dulled on Crystal, Lee Dewyze is getting hotter and hotter. His performances have had a little more edge to them. Crystal has a softer touch. Basically, she's a little bit country. He's a little bit rock 'n roll. And even though Crystal made a return to form with her performance of "Maybe I'm Amazed," Lee seems to keep one-upping her with his performance of "Hallelujah....

Yesterday I cleaned out my cell phone. An odd phrase, I know. My phone is not fancy, frilly, or fun in any way. It's quite simply a phone, which means that there is a cap on how many numbers I can have in my phone at any given time. Yesterday, I hit my limit, and so I had to decide who was getting cut from the phone. Now, at first glance, this would seem like an easy task. I simply had to get rid of the people I don't talk to anymore, right? Well...if you're a normal person, yes. If you're an overly sentimental, rationalizing, people-hoarder, then...no. Guess which one I am? The first number that seemed like it should go was a friend I haven't talked to in over a year. But then I thought, what if I need to get in touch with them all of a sudden? What if I feel the urge to reconnect? What if I remember that I loaned them my copy of Double Indemnity and I need it back? That's when my inner Devil's Advocate kicked in: Devil's Advocate Argument: You...

There's one sure-fire way to make me like a song. Tell me to put my hands up. If there's one underlying thread in all the pop songs I like, it's that one line. "Put your hands up." "Throw your hands up." "Put one hand up and the other one on the head of the person next to you!" ...Okay, I made up that last one. For some reason, it just makes me love whatever I'm listening to. Maybe it's because it makes me feel involved with the song. Maybe it's because it's fun to have something to do while you're driving other than drive. Maybe it's because putting your hands up now equals so many other things. You can now put your hands up when you're having fun, in love, feeling it, doing it, making it, shaking it, when they're playing your song, when you're not afraid, when you're making egg rolls, etc., etc. It's like being asked to sing along. (Another way to make me love your song--have a sing-along section. ...

Fans of 24 are sad that their show is about to go off the air, but they're not completely devastated. Why? Because there's a good chance 24 will be resurrected as part of a hot new trend. Take a t.v. show and bring it straight to the cinemaplex. For a long time, the idea of turning a television show into a movie without remaking it completely was considered a disastrous idea. The X-Files tried it over ten years ago, and the result was a film that pleased neither fans, critics, nor newbies who thought maybe they could follow the story without ever having seen the show. It was still a modest hit at the box office, but nobody was clamoring to take NYPD Blue and throw it on the big screen. Then came the double whammy: The Simpsons, and more recently, Sex and the City. All of a sudden, television shows are the new safe bets for blockbuster movies. The newly canceled Heroes is already being discussed as a t.v. movie, and I'd be shocked if the creators of Lost didn't figure o...

As any of you who read my notes may have noticed, I've been writing pieces about being naked, nudity, etc. I'm hoping to include these pieces in a bigger project that I'm working on, but as I usually do, I'd like to hear some of your thoughts on the subject. So I stole the old Nip/Tuck line, and now I'm opening up the forum: What don't you like about your body? Also--and this would actually be a welcome change of pace--what DO you like about your body? Keep it physical--don't cop out by telling me you love your willingness to accentuate the positive. I'm talking body issues. What do you like, what do you not like, and what do you like on others? If you feel uncomfortable posting it, just send me an e-mail at Kevin071984@yahoo.com I won't use any of what you say directly, but it might help broaden my horizons. Thanks

Yesterday, it was announced that Megan Fox would NOT be reprising her role in the third Transformers movie. Now, you can't really say this is surprising--unless you happen to believe everything directors and film studios say. Fox made disparaging (and, let's be honest, stupid) comments about filming Transformers. The movie's crew fired back, but the director, Michael Bay, said that Megan's verbal missteps are what makes her so charming, and he'd be happy to work with her again. I guess he meant--"I'd be happy to work with her again--but not on another Transformers movie." Some people pointed out that the movie might actually make more sense without Fox, since the relationship between her and Shia Labeouf's character always seemed a little...far-fetched. Strangely enough, however, Patrick Dempsey just joined the cast of the third film, and it was reported that he would be playing the boss of Megan Fox's character. Does this mean recasting? Eithe...

Since Lost is ending, I thought I'd select my picks for the Best and Worst series finales: Best Quiet Send-Off: Frasier. After a lackluster season, Frasier returned to form for its last year, and went off the air with class and humor. Worst Quiet Send-Off: Nip/Tuck. The show had fallen so far from grace and edge that when it ended, I think most people were unaware it was still on television. Best Back-to-Basics Finale: E.R. Noah Wyle going out to handle a car crash with his colleagues as the camera panned away from the Chicago hospital and that high-anxiety music started to play let a show that had been on the air for FAR too long exit reminding us why it was once on top. Worst Back-to-Basics Finale: Beverly Hills 90210. Some series have this horrific quality of dragging their legacy down with them once ratings start to go. Beverly Hills tried pulling back every original cast member it could to help resurrect the show before finally pulling the plug. I think everyone walk...

The other day, I was in Wales in desperate need of $1200. So, of course, I called my friend Jordan Knight, who has a small house in the Welsh countryside. He didn't have $1200 on him, but he did offer to lend me two sheep. I declined his offer, but then I ended up getting $1200 sent to me by a lovely woman in Africa who happens to be the daughter of a deposed dictator. She even threw in an extra hundred, so I called Jordan back and offered to take him to lunch. He met me at a cafe, and pretty soon, it was like the years since we last saw each other disappeared into the mist. ...The mists of Wales, I mean. JORDAN: Yo man, what's good? ME: Here? The chicken salad. JORDAN: I mean with ya life. ME: Oh...um, well, I've been doing theater. JORDAN: I f#$king love the theater, bitch! I wrote a musical once. ME: What was it called? JORDAN: The Phantom of the Opera. ME: I don't think you wrote that one. JORDAN: Ohhhhh you called me on it, dawg! Called me right OUT! O...

Recently, I compiled a list of movies coming out this summer that intellectuals would actually be interested in seeing. Iron Man 2 was not on that list. Although it has already made a boatload of money at the box office, Iron Man 2 is not enjoying the critical success the first movie did. Some might say this is because it is a sequel, or that origin stories are infinitely more interesting than the continuation of those stories. Actually, Iron Man 2 is different from Iron Man in one specific but very distinct way. It's a lot stupider. Iron Man had edge. It was dark. It was definitely not your typical summer movie. Iron Man 2 very much IS a summer movie, and guess what? I still love it. In some way, the stupidity of Iron Man 2, and most dumb summer movies, is sort of...comforting. What I love about stupid movies is that you don't need to be in any particular mood to see them. When you're watching Oscar contenders, you have to be sure to go when you're ready for them. H...

If you watch a marathon of America's Next Top Model--or eighteen marathons, depending on how often you stumble upon the WE channel and become trapped in the ANTM vortex--you will discover something shocking. Tyra Banks is superhuman. No, I'm not saying Tyra Banks is super in terms of personality or intelligence, because we all know that's not true. I'm saying she is actually stronger than the average human being, and perhaps, impossible to destroy. If you need proof of this, watch any episode where a girl gets sick and fails to perform in a challenge, and you'll hear Tyra say-- "One time, I was in Africa, and an elephant stepped on my head--but I still got the shot!" --or-- "One time, someone threw scalding hot oil in my face right before a bikini cover shoot--but I still got the shot!" --or-- "One time, I was doing a photo shoot on top of a nuclear bomb, and it went off, blowing me into a million pieces that then had to be reassembled befor...

Hey Monologuers, I did a tally the other day, and it seems that I've had the pleasure of working with seventy-seven people so far on all the combined monologue shows. (Give or take one or two.) During the last show, I had someone recommend an actress to me who ended up being terrific, and it got me to wondering-- Are there any other potential fantastic monologuers out there I'm not aware of? So here's what I want: Recommendations. Tell me who you think would be a good monologuer. If you don't want to post it on here as a comment, just send me a private message. Let's see if we can make this monologue family a little bit bigger. Love, Love, Love Kevin

Making a sequel to a successful movie used to be like making a sex tape-- It's a bad idea, but people keep doing it anyway. Now, however, it seems like Hollywood is finally learning the rules of making a good sequel. What are they? Well, here's what we know now that apparently we didn't before: Rule Number One: Plan the sequel before you do the first film. Studios have a much better idea now of what's going to do well at the box office. That means they're prepared when a movie like "Batman Begins" takes off, so they're able to make contracts to line up the original cast before the first movie even opens. Rule Number Two: About that cast... It took a few decades, but producers finally learned that audiences actually DO care to see the same characters and actors from the first movie. The only notable exceptions to this would be Batman and Bond, but even then, the box office could be directly applied to how well the actors fit the parts. Christian Ba...

Here are my pics for my ten favorite funniest movies of all time. Let the arguments ensue. 10) Spaceballs - If you're a child of the 80's, then this is your favorite Mel Brooks movie. If I'm being objective, then I would have to give this spot to The Producers. Fortunately, this is my list, and I can do whatever I want. (But The Producers is pretty damn good as well.) 9) Midnight - This is my new favorite. It's a 1939 film starring Claudette Colbert and Don Ameche. Colbert falls in love with Ameche's taxi driver in Paris, then winds up pretending to be an heiress after she's hired to seduce a rich man's wife's lover. (Trust me, it all makes sense when you watch it.) It takes a little while to get going, but once it does, it's fantastic. 8) A Fish Called Wanda - K-k-ken riding the steamroller towards Kevin Kline gets me every time. 7) Forget Paris - Two Billy Crystal movies made it onto my list. This one is the lesser seen one, but I stil...

Esquire has given me five little things to pump up my spring wardrobe. This is in contrast to their last list--"Replace Everything You Own." Here's the list: 1) The Thickest Belt You Can Find: Forget the fact that every male model in Esquire tips the scale at seventy pounds soaking wet. They want you to wear a belt like you're a McDonald's junkie from the Midwest. If you find yourself falling over or backwards due to the weight of your belt, you know you've made the right choice. 2) Big-Game Aviator Sunglasses: When you want that little bit of Bradley Cooper a**hole edge without any of the charm, buy a pair of these. 3) The $895 Murse: So what, you may ask, could be so valuable that you would need a reinforced man-bag that costs a little under a thousand dollars? Good question. I think Indiana Jones owned one of these, but then again, he was into smuggling biblical artifacts, so I guess it's a person-to-person thing. 4) L.L. Bean's Hunting B...

This week, Newsweek writer Ramin Setoodeh caused widespread outrage when he suggested that gay actors have a hard time playing it straight. He even claimed that one of the reasons the Broadway revival of "Promises, Promises" was getting such bad reviews is because Sean Hayes, of "Will and Grace" fame, can't convincingly play a straight man. To say that Setoodeh is missing the point is a little obvious, but there's another point that I think a lot of people are missing. Do gay actors have a hard time playing it straight? Not necessarily. (See Rock Hudson) Do people have a hard time accepting that a character is straight when they know the actor playing him/her is gay? That would be the trickier question. I remember my first crush--Rupert Everett (My Best Friend's Wedding) I remember hearing that he was gay, and being shocked. A gay guy playing a gay guy? Amazing. Admittedly, though, every other movie I saw Rupert in when he wasn't playing a gay man...

"Oh sweetie, we were going to go see your show tonight, but then it started to rain. I mean, it was a light rain, but still...I don't like driving in the rain. And it was definitely raining. I mean, it stopped a couple of times, and there was a twenty minute period there where it actually looked sort of sunny, but we didn't know it was going to be a twenty minute period--it could have really started to downpour. That's the thing. You never know. So we didn't end up going. Sorry, sweetie." "Hey Mister! Sorry we missed your show. I was just so sick. If only it hadn't been the last one. It destroys me that I missed it. It kills me. It utterly eradicates my soul because I had to miss the show. I would give up teeth to go back in time and see it one of the other seventy-eight times you performed it, but you know me, always waiting until the last minute, and then there I was, coughing a few times, and I thought--better to stay in. Too bad it ...

Remember when June was a big deal? I feel like at the age of 25, I'm too young to be saying--"When I was your age" and yet I find myself saying it quite frequently about one topic in particular. The disappearing month of June. When I was a kid, everything came to and end in June. Tv shows, the school year, and my mother's sanity as she realized that she had to unload the summer clothes AND put up with me for two months until school started again. Then, somewhere along the way, June just sort of...evaporated. First, there were the tv shows. With the line between movie stars and tv stars becoming blurrier and blurrier, it seemed like tv stars needed more time off to go make films. Now, every show has its finale in mid-May. By June, the networks are already airing summer programming. (On the plus side, reruns have nearly become a thing of the past.) School years still go until June, but if you're around school kids, you notice that they're now checking out m...

-- No rules except for no ties -- Best Cole Porter: "Let's Do It, Let's Fall in Love" from Paris Best Irving Berlin: "You'd Be Surprised" Best Rodgers and Hammerstein: "(I'm in Love with) a Wonderful Guy" from South Pacific Best Lerner and Loewe: "I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face" from My Fair Lady Best Jerry Herman: "Put On Your Sunday Clothes" from Hello Dolly! Best Kander and Ebb: "Chief Cook and Bottle Washer" from The Rink Best William Finn: "And They're Off" from A New Brain Best Andrew Lloyd Webber: "Unexpected Song" from Song and Dance Best Andrew Lippa: "Just Like You" from John and Jen Best Jason Robert Brown: "I Can Do Better Than That" from The Last Five Years Best Sondheim: "Sunday" from Sunday in the Park with George

Tired of all the Iron Man/Shrek hype? Not interested in Eclipse? Fear not. One of the great things about summer is that there are always a handful of interesting early Oscar contenders and quirky indie films hiding amongst all the popcorn blockbusters. Here are ten films you've probably heard little or nothing about, but seem like they'd provide a nice antidote to all the box officer breakers. For the Family: Are you worried that after Shrek you're not going to have anything to see with your kids? Think again. One of the best characters for kids is coming to life this summer in "Ramona and Beezus." Even the tweens will enjoy that Selena Gomez is playing Beezus. For the Mainstreamers: I'm surprised the next movie I'm going to mention hasn't gotten more attention. Chris Nolan's follow-up to "The Dark Knight" is "Inception" with Leonardo DiCaprio. It looks like Nolan's "Memento" meets noir. It might just end up b...

I have figured out how Lost ends. After watching every episode of the show, reading countless theories online, and every interview with the creators that I could get my hands on. And finally, it clicked. I know what this is all leading up to... "Party of Five." Wait, hear me out. This show is about many things: Time, redemption, faith. All cornerstones of that 90's gem "Party of Five." I think that we're going to reach the end of "Lost" and Jack, played by Matthew Fox, is going to wake up in a bed with a strange man looking down at him. "Who are you," he asks. "Oh Charlie," the man responds, "It's Owen." It turns out Baby Owen grew up to be a mad scientist who desperately tried to heal his dysfunctional family by going back in time to the moment when they were all happy: The moment before their parents died in a car crash. The problem is that when Owen messes with time, he creates a parallel universe where his bro...

It looks like before the country's even settled its division over gay marriage, it'll have another topic to take on: Gay Divorce. Due to the murky nature of gay marriage, same-sex couples that now want to get a divorce are finding that it's a litigious Wild West. Some states are putting up resistance, whereas others are flat out refusing divorce to gay couples. The reason this is such a sticky issue is that if a state dissolves a marriage, they then have to recognize a marriage. States that will recognize marriages performed in other states are grappling with what to do if a couple wants to be recognized in their state as being divorced. Sound confusing? That's because it is. It's also...a little bit funny. States that want to keep marriage between a man and a woman are now refusing to separate men and men and women and women that previously wanted to be joined in what those states considered to be unholy unions. It almost sounds like parents punishing kids. ...

It's probably not shocking that the best advice I ever received was from a theater teacher. I was upset because I was trying to plan a theater event, and my type A personality was taking over, which obviously didn't go over well with the other people on the event committee. When it got to point of me shouting across the room at everyone, my teacher told me that I was no longer needed for the discussion, and that once everybody else had a chance to talk, I could contribute then. I was furious and hurt. It didn't seem fair that all these people who didn't really care about the event were going to get to have a say in it, whereas I was totally dedicated to it and being punished for my dedication. After the meeting, my teacher approached me. Great, I thought, I'm going to get yelled at again. "Kevin," he said, "I don't want you to be upset, but you need to learn now that the hardest thing in the world is caring about something more than anybody else ...

After weeks of speculation, a celebrity came out to People Magazine. At least, that was what was supposed to happen... Names have been tossed about since the magazine announced the date of the issue's publication. Just about everybody knew it was going to be a woman, but many thought that the magazine's effort to hype the event meant that perhaps the celebrity was someone on the A-List. So who is the newest member of the celebrity gay community? Chely Wright. No clue who that is? You're not alone. Wright is a 39-year-old country singer, whose last hit was over ten years ago. She hasn't logged any music on the country charts for five years. So this, you say, is a celebrity? People is proclaiming that this is a big deal because Wright is the first country music star to come out of the closet. Is that how we're judging when people coming out makes news? "He's the first polka player to come out of the closet!" When are people going to stop showing gay cel...

On Thursday, new rules will go into effect that will expand the rights of passengers on the tarmac during a flight delay. This was the result of cases being reported where passengers were stuck on a plane for hours at a time. In one case, passengers were left on the tarmac overnight. Here are the new rules coming into place: 1) Quick Response Time for Complaints. - After a complaint is filed with an airline, the airline has to get back to the person complaining within 30 days and give some sort of response within 60 days. 2) Common Sense Conditions - The airlines have to make sure that working restrooms and snacks are provided as part of a contingency plan for delays on the tarmac, as well as medical attention. 3) Penalties for Chronic Delays - Airlines will get fined if flights that operate frequently are also frequently delayed or canceled. All this information is available on CNN.com and also on www.regulations.gov