This Can't Be Broccoli

The thing we-- (And I’m using the Liberal We here) The thing we need to remember in 2018 And especially in 2020 Is that we need politicians Who know how to talk Let me explain Remember how we mocked the current President On the campaign trail Because he was such a poor speaker And he never did the smart thing The smart thing being-- Using a teleprompter? Well, I think we might have been wrong about that Obviously, like half the planet I’ve been wondering Where exactly everything went wrong Last year And smarter people than me Will come up with better reasons But I think one thing we need to keep an eye on Is how people talk now I don’t know about you But I can’t handle listening to local news anymore Because the newscaster “voices” Drive me insane It’s this presentational way of speaking That just comes across as fake So fake And I can’t believe a thing I’m hearing It occurred to me recently That while I have many, ma...

I was reading an article In Entertainment Weekly Or, the Bible, as I refer to it The Weekly Bible of Entertainment— (Less Offensive?  Maybe?) —And they were talking about how Nobody wants to end tv shows anymore On a final note Because they might have to be rebooted later on And they need to leave the door Open for that And reading that Made me want to find a lava pit And cast myself into it The way I keep hoping Britt Robertson (sp? Never mind.  Don’t care.) will In addition to everything else We’re losing in the world We’re now losing ENDINGS? Like, we can’t endings anymore, folks The world won’t allow it I swear to god If I ever get to be involved with a tv show I am ending the series With everyone on the show Riding a bus That goes right into a canyon And that will kill me Because I will probably love all those characters Most of whom will be teenagers Because I refuse to write any tv show That is...

Someone gave me Some good Advice Never mind the audience It’s great because It’s something you already know But you never actually say Never mind the audience I asked the person Giving me the advice To elaborate And, I’m gonna paraphrase, But this is what they said First off, never mind the audience You have no control over them Only yourself All your life you hear people say What other people think of you Is none of your business And that’s especially true Of an audience Secondly, an audience is not a thing We talk about it like it’s one thing One group of people The same people Going to every show People who like the same things And are always open to receiving theater Smart, analytical people with taste Who are going to think constructively about what they’re seeing And respond with tact and graciousness And that’s not true There is no audience There are just people People who have bad days An...

I’m giving up a certain amount of tv Because there’s just too much of it And also— I should probably devote some time To other things Like eating Or reading a book Since, allegedly, I’m a writer So I’m doing a five-step program Where I give up a little tv A little bit at a time Until I’m down To only the really good stuff Like Veep and twelve hours of Food Network a day That should cover All my small screen needs The first step is the CW Land of Hot Models Who Can Speak Words Sort of Clearly And the Superheroes Who Love Them CW is comfort food And I get that But these days You can get that high end Mac and Cheese on Netflix You don’t need to be eating that Velveeta anymore, gurl Plus, I have some issues With most of those shows The Flash is adorable, but Grant Guslin Is pretty clearly gay And no matter what beard they stick on his chin It just never reads Supergirl has actually gotten better As it goes along...

We need to talk about something That might happen And, if it does happen, What we’re going to do about it So there is a possibility That sometime In the next four years Or before he’s impeached The President Might Do something Good And I mean, really good Like, for lots of people Including or especially for The people who didn’t vote for him Maybe it’ll be economically driven Maybe it’ll be more socially progressive than we’re expecting Maybe he’ll just give us all free tickets to a Broadway show Who knows? The point is When he does it When he puts forward that idea And sends it to Congress We have to ask our politicians To kill it We have to kill the thing That we’re probably going to like Why? Because we can’t give him any political capital We just can’t It would be nice to think We’re living in a country Where people can understand bipartisanship And how it works And give credit to both parties ...

Lately, I keep wishing I was smarter Or, maybe ‘smarter’ Is the wrong word Maybe I just wish I was more articulate Or--insightful Insightful Is probably The right word I wish I could Find the words I think we’re all Sort of feeling that way It’s like we’re all close To something But we don’t know what it is And we’re just hoping it’s not You know The Nuclear Apocalypse It’s as if we’re all collectively Sitting in a car Listening to a sad song On the radio And it’s raining outside And we really don’t want to get out of the car But we know we have to Eventually That’s how I feel On a daily basis now I’m not, you know Depressed…I don’t think But that might be because I associate depression With isolation And it feels odd To feel what feels like depression And have so many other people Publicly feeling The exact same thing There should be a word for that And I can’t find it I just can’t find the word...

I might be going crazy Because lately I’ve been wondering If there’s a silver lining To Hillary losing the election Hear me out If Secretary Clinton--my chosen candidate Had won the election We would essentially be In the same spot we were in With President Obama For the past two years With a Republican controlled Congress Intent on doing absolutely nothing And chances are All of us Wouldn’t have been paying attention Because ‘Oh, it’s fine Hillary’s in the White House We’ve got our ally working for us In the Executive Branch We don’t really need To pay attention’ And that would have been a mistake And even though I wake up every day With the same sense of dread Everybody else has I find it somewhat comforting That people are paying attention Also, if we had gotten Secretary Clinton Into the White House We were going to be absolutely decimated In 2018 Democrats do poorly in midterms anyway But with a Democra...