This Can't Be Broccoli

I have reached the end of my rope with The Walking Dead . It has become yet another AMC show to decide that spending hours upon hours with no plot or character development is totally acceptable, as long as you tell the viewers to keep "investing." Well, guess what? I'm not investing anymore. Not without a good reason. The Killing had everybody "investing" and then they didn't even clear up the season-long mystery during the season finale. Sorry, but once bitten, twice shy. I don't expect every episode of a television show to be gold, but I do expect plot progression over the course of the season, especially when a season is only ten to thirteen episodes long. Instead, I see what appears to be a lot of writers with two episodes worth of plot trying to stretch it out all season (I'm looking at you, Ryan Murphy). Every time you complain that a movie or a television is boring, people say that we've lost our collective attention spa...

Recently President Obama got some people upset by saying that everyone should go to college. You read that right--the President upset people by saying that college is a good thing. The funny thing is, I was kind of upset by it too. Let me explain. I think the "college is the only choice" way of thinking probably made sense back when EVERYBODY wasn't going to college, and so a college degree actually meant something. Unfortunately, unless you're going to school in one of the three fields that are adding jobs, it's possible that skipping college might be a good idea. I went to college for four years, got two degrees (granted English and Theater, but still, went to college!), and when I graduated I went looking for part-time work in retail until I could find a full-time job, and what did I discover? All the people who would be hiring me had not only skipped college and spent the past four years advancing in their respective industries and making lots of ...

When I announced that I would be writing 100 short monologues in twenty-four hours, the main question I got from people was this: Aren't you worried it's a little...gimmicky? Well, yes, I was worried. But felt that if I did it well, then what seemed like a gimmick would become a "concept." I mentioned that the only difference between a gimmick and a concept is execution. Any great concept sounds gimmicky when you first hear about it. So how did I do with the project? Well, to--at first--not answer that question, let me just say that every few months I do a Monologue Madness Month where I write 100 pieces over the course of the month. Some are great, some are okay, and some are awful. I've learned that you have to write the awful pieces to get to the good pieces, so the awful pieces don't bother me that much. Then I came to the 24 Hour Project, where each piece had to be at least an A- because each piece was going to be given directly to a p...

Recently on "The Voice," an attractive performer seemed to embody exactly what the show was about. He got onstage. He sang. He was gorgeous. He didn't get a judge to turn around despite the fact that the crowd was losing its collective mind. This seemed to prove the show's point: Appearance can alter our perception of someone's talent. But here's my question: Can someone's appearance be considered part of their talent? Let's take Ryan Gosling, for example. Because as far as examples go, he's not a bad one to take. He's incredibly attractive, but he's also a darn good actor. But part of what makes him a good actor is his confidence and charm, which I'm sure comes from the fact that he's attractive. It's a cyclical thing, I would imagine. So here I am, listening to this performer sing, thinking--Why aren't they turning around? He's really, really good! But then I catch myself. Am I influenced b...

Details gave me an early birthday present this year with a special on swimsuits. Maybe they thought us gays would like something to counter Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, but the result is this: I now feel like the most unattractive person on Earth. So I guess it really is the counter to the SI Swimsuit Edition, in terms of how normal people feel looking at it. Let's begin, shall we: http://www.details.com/style-advice/perfect-wardrobe/201203/swim-trunks-bathing-suit-beach-fashion#slide=1 I don't know how I'm supposed to get an idea of how these look on someone. Is the new trend to have someone model something while doing a push-up? Granted, this is, by far, the most conservative of the suits. Don't believe me? Let's go to next slide: http://www.details.com/style-advice/perfect-wardrobe/201203/swim-trunks-bathing-suit-beach-fashion#slide=3 What kind of event would you wear this to? An Egyptian porn proprietor's house-warming party? ...

I had a plan this week for my food shopping. Martha Stewart's Everyday Food--a magazine I'm obsessed with--had an issue lately that offered five nights of meals for only $50 worth of ingredients. So, I decided to go to the market, spend the fifty bucks, and make each of the meals. What a great way to save money and try new food! ...If you're a normal person. If you're me, here's what happens. The first stop on the list is produce. First, I'm supposed to get a yellow onion. But I can only find a bunch of yellow onions. Do I buy the bunch? Also, I don't really like yellow onions. Is the yellow onion essential? I decide to move onto the next item on the list. One head of iceberg lettuce. Now, I don't mind iceberg lettuce, but it always seems to me like recipes call for iceberg lettuce, use a third of it, and then the rest of it ends up sitting in your crisper going to waste, because iceberg lettuce has no flavor and I never feel com...

It's an interesting thing watching people with children. Some of the time I think--Wow, how amazing to have this little person depend on you and love you unconditionally. But most of the time I'm thinking--If I had to deal with that screaming monster for more than a minute, I'd find a basket and a nearby orphanage and call it a day. Most of the time I'm happy to be single and childless. People with children will tell you that if you don't have children, you're just missing out on this inexplicable, mysterious thing . I think they like to play up the mystery of it, because the mystery is--there's no mystery. The way I see it, you have kids, they create an unending amount of stress and heartache, tempered with ingratitude, peppered with adorable instances and a sentimental moments here and there to convince you that it's all worth it. Then they get married, have kids, and you have grandchildren who are now torturing your children the same way ...