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Showing posts from January, 2020

The Last First Date

Originally performed at Stranger Stories at Acoustic Java in
 Providence, RI on Thursday, January 29th.

Shortly after leaving college, I decided it was time to become famous.

I went about it the way everybody did between the year 2000 and 2010--
I started a blog where I did the same thing a bunch of times then waited
for Oprah to call.

My blog was called “100 Boys, 100 Dates” or “100 Dates, 100 Boys.” 
I don’t remember exactly how it was worded, but it involved me
spending a year going on a bunch of dates with various men
and then writing about it.

It was sort of like Sex and the City if Sex and the City was written
by a skinny gay man who cringes at the thought of romance,
true love, or connecting with another human being.

As you can imagine, the blog was a rousing success.

Dozens upon two dozen people read it religiously, and for a
year, everyone who dated me either begged me not to put
them in the blog or begged me to put them in the blog, and
it’s hard to say which group was better.

The on…

An Interview with the Professor

There's a reason I don't do these interviews in person.

Here's what you need to read, if you're new to this story--
Last Friday, I posted an interview with the person who took over for the Professor as they begin their first semester at the college, and if you want to read that (and I highly encourage you to), you can become a supporter of my theater company (Epic) on Patreon.  You pay $3.50 a month (or more, if you're feeling generous), and you get lots of cool stuff, including extra interviews about all kinds of things.  Go to to sign up.
Now, in terms of today--
The title says it all, so let's just get right to it.
Here's the int…

How to Steal Things on the Internet

I was tempted to ban a girl from my Facebook page for sharing memes I didn't make without giving me credit for finding those memes in the first place.

How did it come to this?

Is this what the Internet has done to us?

Allow me to explain.

I run a Facebook page for my theater and we like to post funny stuff, because when you just post stuff about what your theater is doing, nobody cares, but sometimes, if you bury that useful information among memes and tweets and other things that go viral based on the Skynet, I mean Facebook, algorithm, maybe somebody might decide to stumble into a show you're doing one night.

But enough about the hell that is promoting your business on social media.

Let's talk about content.

Specifically who gets credit for posting what and what the rules are when it comes to crediting people in an era when there are no new ideas just new captions.

The girl in question--who I thought about banning--was going to my Facebook page, saving photos of funny tw…

Theater and the Dead Guy

Today's interview is with an actor.

THEM:  If I had known that him dying was going to mean that now he's a saint, I would have nursed him back to health myself.

And a dead man.

THEM:  I can't say any of this publicly.  None of it.

Here's the interview:

ME:  When did he die?

THEM:  Last year.  March of last year.

ME:  What was the state of his career at that point?

THEM:  It seemed like there might be some justice coming.  People were wising up to who he was.

ME:  Who was he?

THEM:  He was a predator.  It's very simple.  He would target people like me.  He would make all your dreams come true and then he would dump you by the side of the road and move onto the next person.

ME:  Did he have his own company?

THEM:  Yes.

ME:  Does that company still exist?

THEM:  Yes.  They just named the theater after him.

ME:  The theater?

THEM:  The space--the actual theater.  They didn't change the name of the company.  It's still [Name], but when you walk in there's this…

A Niche Post About A Star Wars Ride

I was going to write something political this week, but honestly, who the hell wants to read that?

So instead, I was like--

I'm going to write exactly what I want to write and to hell with all of you who aren't going to read it.

(The last time I posted something that wasn't about a theater sociopath who eats his actors at the cast party I think it logged exactly two views, but there's something freeing about irrelevance and I'm leaning in.  I. Am. Leaning. In.)

Buckle up, folks, because we are talking about amusement park rides.

Go grab some coffee or you're going to be asleep before I hit the next line break.

There are two really big rides in Disney World at the moment.

Avatar: Flight of Passage and Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance.

Let's get the conclusion out of the way first--

Rise of the Resistance is the better ride.

This is not up for debate.
Nobody is questioning this.
I don't care if you like Star Wars.
Go sit on a flying aqua-turkey or whatever…