This Can't Be Broccoli

I used to be a compulsive reader when I was a kid. Not just avid--compulsive. I could sometimes read three books at a time and I was finishing a book everyday. That was in addition to magazines, plays, and all sorts of other reading material. Then last year I read a book. That's right--one book. Well, not really--I read a few others, but those were for Book Clubs.  Not that I don't enjoy books for Book Clubs, but what I mean to say is, the number of times I just picked up a book and read it amounts to-- One time. I'm ashamed of this. No, really, I'm actually ashamed. I work at a library, for crying out loud.  I'm surrounded by books.  I should be reading constantly. The problem is, as I got older, I put value in things that could be done while doing other things.  So I write, and usually while I write I watch tv or a movie.  So I watch a lot of tv and see a lot of movies.  The benefit to seeing movies is that while you're in a movie theater

Here's my question: Why don't they ever do exorcisms during house parties? I mean, wouldn't that be the most logical way to do it? Every time somebody investigates a haunted house or tries to expel a demon, it's always two lone guys with cameras, or a priest and another priest, or a ragtag group of kids trying to save the world. If you're grappling with demonic, otherworldly forces--why wouldn't you have as many people there as possible? Is it because you'd scare the demons away?  And if so, wouldn't that be a good thing?  And why would you scare them away?  Why would a demon be more scared of fifty people than five?  It's a demon.  It's from Hell.  I don't think safety in numbers applies. All the same--if you had a ton of people there, then you would have proof that something fucked up really was happening.  I mean, you can deny the word of a couple of people, but twenty or thirty? Now, that's proof. Really, I'm just

When people use the word "community," it bothers me. Well, that's not entirely true. When somebody speaks "for the community," it bothers me. I should mention, of course, that I am in the gay community--the unspoken part being "whether I like it or not."  There are other communities I choose to be a part of--arts communities, communities of friends, etc. --But I'm also in the gay community, which, in and of itself, sometimes feels like a hundred different smaller sub-communities. What bothers me about people speaking for the "community" is that I sometimes disagree with them simply because I don't like the idea of anybody speaking for me. This all started when I was in high school and a HUGE Eminem fan. I remember militant-looking lesbians representing GLAAD condemning Eminem and his hate-speech.  They condemned him by saying "The gay community feels--" And I used to jump up off the couch in my basement where

I wrote a post last month about resolutions and how I may have taken on too many. Now I'm wondering if any sort of resolution would just be fruitless at this point.  Maybe it's because I'm nearing thirty, but I'm wondering if there are just aspects of who I am that are never going to change. For instance, is it too late for me to become a jazz appreciation expert?  To be an expert at anything, you need to dedicate at least five hundred hours of time to it--which never really seemed like that much time to me until it's three in the morning, I haven't cleaned my apartment yet, and the book on the coffee table about John Coltrane seems to be way thicker than it was when I purchased it. Is it too late for me to learn how to be a cook?  Like, a real cook?  And why isn't there an app called "Here's How You Learn to Cook" where the first step is boiling water instead of Advanced Sauces? Should I give up on ever playing piano or guitar or basso

I didn't like Oprah in "The Butler." But I should mention that there was probably nothing Oprah could do to make me like her in "The Butler."  And here's why-- Turning in a good performance requires a certain amount of distance from the audience.  People can't know too much about you or it becomes difficult to make them forget that you're the character and not just, you know, you. That's why, after having watched Oprah's talk show for years and years, I found it really hard to believe her as anybody other than Oprah. Oh don't get me wrong, I could see she was trying.  She gave it her all.  And I applaud her for taking on a role that's pretty far from who people perceive her to be, but at the end of the day, it was like watching a little kid put on a fireman's helmet and run around the backyard spraying things with a hose--You can appreciate what he's going for, but that doesn't mean you believe he's a fireman.

Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way, it's entirely possible, but-- Governor Chris Christie sort of has...teacher voice. At least, to me, it sounds like he does. No disrespect to teachers, but what I mean is-- He has the sort of voice--especially at press conferences lately--that teachers use when one kid in the class is acting up, and so the teacher decides to give everybody a pop quiz instead of just punishing the one kid. You know that moment, when everyone starts asking why, and the teacher says something along the lines of "Because I'm the teacher, that's why.  Now take out your pencils." Parents use the same voice--most authority figures do when they're dealing with somebody under them.  It's the "I Might Be Wrong But It Doesn't Matter Because I'm in Charge" voice. It occurs to me that maybe that's how Governor Christie got to be so popular.  Because he sort of reminds me of a Dad.  Granted, a really-stric