I wrote a post last month about resolutions and how I may have taken on too many.
Now I'm wondering if any sort of resolution would just be fruitless at this point. Maybe it's because I'm nearing thirty, but I'm wondering if there are just aspects of who I am that are never going to change.
For instance, is it too late for me to become a jazz appreciation expert? To be an expert at anything, you need to dedicate at least five hundred hours of time to it--which never really seemed like that much time to me until it's three in the morning, I haven't cleaned my apartment yet, and the book on the coffee table about John Coltrane seems to be way thicker than it was when I purchased it.
Is it too late for me to learn how to be a cook? Like, a real cook? And why isn't there an app called "Here's How You Learn to Cook" where the first step is boiling water instead of Advanced Sauces?
Should I give up on ever playing piano or guitar or bassoon?
(The last one was more because I liked the name when I was five, but still! It was a dream!)
At what point do you have to look at yourself and ask--Is this just who I am? And will I always be this way?
Will I always have a bad temper and be slightly impatient?
Will I always overindulge in gossiping?
Will I always be skinny even after eating a large pizza all by myself?
(Please, please, please, please say 'Yes' to the last one.)
Sometimes it feels like it takes all my time and energy just trying to maintain the positive aspects of who I am now. Of course, the bad habits and negative qualities seem to effortlessly maintain themselves, but I guess that's just how the world works.
Taking on more at times feels like I'm trying to poor water into an already fairly full glass. That's nto to say that I don't think people can change or improve, it just feels like when I was younger I was a lot more pliable. I could adapt and learn and memorize and absorb so much more quickly than I can now.
It makes me wonder if I should just quit while I'm ahead.
The question is--Am I ahead?
Now I'm wondering if any sort of resolution would just be fruitless at this point. Maybe it's because I'm nearing thirty, but I'm wondering if there are just aspects of who I am that are never going to change.
For instance, is it too late for me to become a jazz appreciation expert? To be an expert at anything, you need to dedicate at least five hundred hours of time to it--which never really seemed like that much time to me until it's three in the morning, I haven't cleaned my apartment yet, and the book on the coffee table about John Coltrane seems to be way thicker than it was when I purchased it.
Is it too late for me to learn how to be a cook? Like, a real cook? And why isn't there an app called "Here's How You Learn to Cook" where the first step is boiling water instead of Advanced Sauces?
Should I give up on ever playing piano or guitar or bassoon?
(The last one was more because I liked the name when I was five, but still! It was a dream!)
At what point do you have to look at yourself and ask--Is this just who I am? And will I always be this way?
Will I always have a bad temper and be slightly impatient?
Will I always overindulge in gossiping?
Will I always be skinny even after eating a large pizza all by myself?
(Please, please, please, please say 'Yes' to the last one.)
Sometimes it feels like it takes all my time and energy just trying to maintain the positive aspects of who I am now. Of course, the bad habits and negative qualities seem to effortlessly maintain themselves, but I guess that's just how the world works.
Taking on more at times feels like I'm trying to poor water into an already fairly full glass. That's nto to say that I don't think people can change or improve, it just feels like when I was younger I was a lot more pliable. I could adapt and learn and memorize and absorb so much more quickly than I can now.
It makes me wonder if I should just quit while I'm ahead.
The question is--Am I ahead?
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