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Pretty/Confusing: My Adventures in Asian Cinema

Last night, I watched the movie 2046.

It was highly praised by critics, and I didn't understand any of it.

I mean, I sort of did. I got that it was about a writer, a really mean-spirited guy, who has affair after affair with pretty women, and writes a science fiction story that comprises a section of the movie that relates to the people in the writer's life.

I guess when I say I didn't understand it, I mean I didn't understand why I was supposed to care about this guy, or his women, or what was happening.

Confession: I'm not big on romantic movies. I don't like any movie that is simply romantic. Perhaps that was my problem with the movie.

The film did illicit a discussion about Asian cinema that makes its way into America. It seems like the idea behind all the Asian movies I've seen have the same idea--

"Forget the plot. Look how pretty everything is."

Now, I have to say, that's certainly a better idea than most of America's action movies--

"Forget the plot. Let's blow some more shit up."

But critics in America seem to praise what comes over here from Asia, and rip apart the action films that are made in their own country.

Again, 2046 was not meant to be an action film, but as a romance, it kind of blew. I feel that if it were made in America with two American actors and an American director, it wouldn't have even gotten into wide release.

That being said, I'd like to talk about the pretty angle. Yes, most of the movies I've seen that I'm talking about here are very nice to look at, but unfortunately, though that might send Richard Roeper's heart racing, it doesn't do much for me.

I was wondering after watching 2046, if maybe this is a case of critics not wanting to look stupid, like they don't get it, so they just declare that it should win an Oscar and then go back to talking about how Michael Bay is the anti-Christ.

I'd also like to mention that I can appreciate action sequences if they further some sort of plot, but really, once you've seen a hundred ninjas get taken out by Jet Li, you have to be a little more creative. And if I see one more shot of blood seeping into pure white snow, I'm just going to leave the theater.

As far as characterizations, in some way, it's like porn. They don't want to take time away from everyone fighting each other to give anybody any character--similar to porn films and sex, or Isla Fischer movies and comedy.

Side Rant: Why do they play "Disturbia" in the trailers for Confessions of a Shopaholic? What does a modern version of Thriller have to do with a girl who shops too much? Anyone? Anyone?

Back to Bad Asian films.

I can see it's time to give examples for what I'm saying:

House of Flying Daggers - I remember thinking it was cinematically beautiful, but for all I can remember about it, there might have been singing dalmatians.

Legend - I remember that it was based on a true Chinese myth, or something some guy told another guy in a bar.

I'm not including anything Kurosawa ever did, so all you film buffs can just hold your tongues, because clearly he is the directorial exception.

So what's the contemporary exception?

Say it with me now: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

Every bit of action furthered the plot, it was pretty but not just for the sake of being pretty, there were strong characterizations, and they talked about filming a prequel but never did, which is downright amazing to see, seeing as how they make prequels OF EVERYTHING, and this prequel actually seemed warranted.

Still, I'll keep watching these movies, because I might come across the next CTHD, or I might be in the mood to see a love triangle where nobody in the triangle seems in love with anybody else but in the end one of them dies by falling onto their sword--nobly, I might add.

And why will I keep watching?

Because at this point in my life, I'm not willing to convert to Bollywood.

That's all.

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