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Kevin Broccoli's Theater Take-Over

From Bravo, the network that brought you a bunch of horrible reality shows with gay people and nineteen Kathy Griffin specials a year--

In 2010

Things are going to get--

KEVIN: My name is Kevin.

Even gayer.

KEVIN: I'm taking over.

We're sending Kevin Broccoli out to take over theaters across the country.

Not because he's business savvy or wise beyond his years--

KEVIN: This show reminds me of a genocide I once read about.

--But because he's bitchy and he has fun catchphrases.

KEVIN: So you don't have any flying equipment for "Peter Pan" aside from a pulley and a hook? Curtain down, dim the lights. I'm taking over.

Bad Directors

KEVIN: So your sister is the music director, your brother is the stage manager, your cousins are the children's choir, and you're playing the lead?
DIRECTOR: And my husband is the choreographer.
KEVIN: Well, that's a WHOLE different discussion.

Bad Actors

KEVIN: Do you feel you might be miscast in this role?
ACTOR: Not at all. Once you're over fifty you stop worrying about the little things.
KEVIN: I'm sure you'll bring all that wisdom to the role of Baby June.

Bad Ideas

KEVIN: I've never heard of the show Dolls!
ARTISTIC DIRECTOR: We were going to do Guys and Dolls, but we didn't get enough boys, so now we're just doing Dolls!
KEVIN: Give me your keys. I'm taking over.

Next year, he's taking names--

KEVIN: So you use the same seven people in all your shows?
DIRECTOR: For the most part.
KEVIN: So basically you've taken the 'community' out of community theater.

--Off the cast list.

KEVIN: The guy playing Jesus in Godspell is forty-three?
MUSIC DIRECTOR: That's George. He's fantastic.
KEVIN: You're aware that Jesus didn't actually make it to forty-three, right?

And somebody's getting cut.

KEVIN: So Billy and Hope are siblings and Reno is a sock puppet?
DIRECTOR: Mmhmm.
KEVIN: Wow, anything really does go.

Kevin Broccoli's Theater Take-Over

DIRECTOR: You've destroyed my vision. I may as well paint myself gold and have the chorus boys tap dance on me!
KEVIN: Now, THAT might be worth the price of admission.

Coming Soon

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