Skip to main content

Details Goes Where GQ Failed

After GQ failed to teach me how to dress, I decided to pop over to Details Magazine, where I found this list of style rules that the good people at Closet Case Monthly (I mean, Details Magazine) feel I need to know.

http://www.details.com/style-advice/rules-of-style/200912/details-2009-best-rules-of-style#slide=1

Now, what constitutes being buttoned down? I've always thought that as long as it was impossible to yank the shirt and see nipple, you were okay.

I agree that plunging necklines tend to look better on Oscar gowns, but a part of me is always curious as to who can take their neckline down the furthest without it simply being a shirt split in half.

So far, I haven't seen anybody hit navel, but I'm hoping 2010 will be the year it happens.

http://www.details.com/style-advice/rules-of-style/200912/details-2009-best-rules-of-style#slide=2

Let serial killers dress you. (These guys are serial killers, right? I'm not imagining that the looks on their faces mean they just killed two hookers, ate some cereal, and called it a day?)

http://www.details.com/style-advice/rules-of-style/200912/details-2009-best-rules-of-style#slide=3

GQ tried this "wear white denim" nonsense on me, too. I wasn't buying it from them and I'm certainly not buying it from you and your trio of circle jerk Stepford Wives, Details Magazine.

http://www.details.com/style-advice/rules-of-style/200912/details-2009-best-rules-of-style#slide=4

It's very important to know which Miami is the cool Miami. Apparently there are at least twenty different Miami's within Miami and if you're caught shopping in the wrong Miami, God help you.

http://www.details.com/style-advice/rules-of-style/200912/details-2009-best-rules-of-style#slide=5

I'm pretty sure these are the sneakers they make you wear in the Special Olympics. (It's not mean if it's true.)

http://www.details.com/style-advice/rules-of-style/200912/details-2009-best-rules-of-style#slide=5

Two more serial killers discussing such important topics as how to wear a cardigan and where the best places are in Miami to dump a body--God help you if you dump a body in the WRONG Miami.

http://www.details.com/style-advice/rules-of-style/200912/details-2009-best-rules-of-style#slide=7

Ladies and gentlemen, the lumberjack is back.

http://www.details.com/style-advice/rules-of-style/200912/details-2009-best-rules-of-style#slide=8

How much do you want to bet that at least one of these watches cost more than my mother's house?

http://www.details.com/style-advice/rules-of-style/200912/details-2009-best-rules-of-style#slide=9

If you're tired of shopping in Miami #8 (The Almost-Right Miami) you can head to New York and shop out of a rehearsal hall in between the actors practicing scenes from twenties' musicals. Five, six, seven, eight--

So what have I learned today?

1) Serial killers know how to dress.
2) Don't show nipple.
3) Miami is a state of mind.
4) I shouldn't have thrown out my lumberjack hat.
5) If you wear flamboyant sneakers and tight-fitting white pants, you'll be the best-looking guy in town.

Did you get all that?

Because there might be a quiz given to you--administered by the guys eating cereal.

(Yeah, I would be nervous too)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A List of People Who Can Go to Hell Now That I Can't Have Elizabeth Warren

So today was a rough day for everybody who isn't a @#$%-ing #$%hole. Let's just start there. If that upsets you, by all means, go straight to hell. This entire rant is going to be exactly what it sounds like. I am mad and I am going to exercise my right to BLOG ABOUT IT LIKE IT'S 1995, SO BUCKLE UP, BUTTERCUP. I really don't even know where to start, so let's just jump right in with the first person who comes to mind. Bloomberg, go to hell.  You really didn't have anything specific to do with today, but you can just go to hell for spending an ungodly amount of money on literally nothing.  I mean, you could have lit millions of dollars on fire and at least warmed the hands of the homeless, but instead, you made tv stations across the country that are already owned by Conservatives rich, so kudos to you and go to hell. Amy Klobuchar, I STUCK UP FOR YOU AMY.  I got into FIGHTS on SOCIAL MEDIA while DEFENDING your sorry, self-interested ass.  You know ...
42 comments
Read more

Theater and the Outbreak

After last week's interview, a representative from a theater that recently experienced the results of opening too soon reached out to speak with me. I want to thank this person for coming forward in the hopes that it'll change some minds about what's safe and what isn't when it comes to the performing arts. Here's the interview: ME:  So this wasn't a full production or-- THEM:  No. It was us trying to do a little something for friends and donors. ME:  Who is 'us?' THEM:  The board of _____. ME:  And how long have you been on the board? THEM:  Three years. ME:  What was this going to be? THEM:  There's a, uh, beautiful park here in town, and we wanted to do an outdoor performance of a Shakespeare as a benefit, because, as you know, theaters are having a hard time right now paying the bills. We checked with the local government and the health department for the state to make sure we were doing everything the way we needed to in order to keep everyon...
7 comments
Read more

The Community and The Hypnotist

  Two years ago, I started interviewing people in the theater world about the problems within that community. All the subjects of the interviews remained anonymous to encourage people to speak directly and plainly without worrying that there would be consequences down the line. (Of course, even then, some people felt like outing themselves and getting in hot water, but we're going to leave that water under another bridge.) When I decided it was time to bring the series to a close, it was partly because I thought it had run its course, and partly because I had a new topic I wanted to tackle. While I've had my issues with theater and the people who do it, I've never felt like I didn't belong there, whereas from the moment I came out, I've never truly felt like a part of the gay community. To be clear, that probably has way more to do with me than the community, but it's something I wanted to explore, and I knew how I wanted to do it. The theater interviews were al...
Post a Comment
Read more