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Lunch with the Boys: Good in Bed

Someone called Brian bad in bed.

BRIAN: So I need to know if any of you know of a good hit man.

This meant time for lunch with the boys.

ME: What was he basing this on?
BRIAN: Well, according to the the third party who relayed the information through a mutual friend--
TURNER: This information has been passed around more than Scooter.
BRIAN: Who lives with this guy I know--
SCOOTER: Is this story over yet?
BRIAN: He said I just lay there.

Silence.

SCOOTER: Brian, as someone who has known you...in that way...
ME: You mean the biblical sense?
SCOOTER: We didn't f**k in that church. We just fooled around.
BRIAN: Moving on!
SCOOTER: You do just lay there.
BRIAN: That's because I like...enjoying.

Instant uproar.

TURNER: You like enjoying?
BRIAN: Yeah.
TURNER: You mean you're lazy.
BRIAN: I'm not lazy.
SCOOTER: What would you call laying back and reading a magazine while someone's trying to do gymnastics on top of you?
ME: What kind of freaky sex were you two having?

Awkward silence.

BRIAN: Scooter, I thought you liked doing the work.
TURNER: All the work.
BRIAN: Okay, fine, all the work.
SCOOTER: I kind of do.
ME: So it's your fault.
SCOOTER: How is it my fault?
ME: People like you allow people like Brian to exist.
TURNER: In other words, 'Yes Virginia, you're bad in bed.'

Leave it to me to play Devil's Advocate.

ME: Well, I guess it's subject though, isn't it?
TURNER: Is it?
ME: Well, Scooter obviously enjoyed sex with Brian.
TURNER: Yeah, and then when he was with someone who actually wanted him to interact--not so good.
BRIAN: I interacted! I told him when he was doing a good job.
SCOOTER: Sometimes he'll nod.
TURNER: Careful. Your neck could cramp up.

It seems to me that how good you are in bed is all about the person in bed with you--assuming there is someone there with you.

TURNER: Brian, I'd rather fly solo than have sex with you.
BRIAN: I don't masturbate anymore. It's too much work.

That being said, Brian is bad in bed.

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