Let's face it.
At this point, Myspace may as well pack up and shut down.
It's become the old friend that we all forget to call.
Still, I wondered--is there anything that could create a Myspace comeback?
Well, I've managed to come up with ten.
Five surefire ways to put Myspace back on the map.
Here they are:
5) Crazy Advanced Search Options. Oh sure, Facebook can find people you went to high school with, but can it find the baby that was in bin next to you in the newborn wing? How about your Kindergarten teacher? Can Facebook find that guy who drove by you in traffic the other day? I'd say Facebook is leaving an awful lot of slack that Myspace could be picking up.
4) Status Updates? Pshaw, I say. What about Photo Updates? Instead of reading about what people are doing, be able to see what they're doing with easy to upload Photo Updates! Forget "John Smith is reading." SEE John Smith read! Forget "Carly is driving at a high rate of speed and eating a hamburger." SEE Carly be reckless and gain weight at the same time. Never mind "Tony is giving it to his lady gooooooooood LOL." WATCH Tony work it out Myspace style! Take that, Twitter.
3) Let Myspace tell you where you stand with both a Friends AND Enemies list. Find out your REAL social status when people request that you be their Enemy. Be able to tell your friends from your foes, and enjoy Myspace's new Easy Transfer button. That way, when you decided you're SO over Chris and all his drama, you can just hit the E.T. button and put yourself right on Chris' Kiss Off list. How's that for social networking?
2) Oh sure, Facebook tells you when someone's broken up with their significant other, but can Facebook help you when there's a couple you WANT to see evaporate? Myspace's New "Start Some S**t" application is guaranteed to end all those pesky relationships you hate twice as fast as they'd normally end. Myspace will send one half of the couple (the half you like) a message saying that they noticed the other half (the skanky half that doesn't deserve the half you like) has been macking it via e-mail to everybody on the site. Pretty soon you'll be seeing a little broken heart pop up on your feed, and you'll have good old Myspace to thank for it.
1) Finally, Myspace will take how strongly we cultivate our identities online and help us along with the new "Myspace Labels." Once someone is on Myspace, everyone else on it will be able to give them labels--just like in high school! And come on, who doesn't miss being labeled? Finally, that girl taking a photo of herself using her camera phone while standing in her bathroom wearing only a towel can get that "Tramp" label placed right on her profile! Instead of looking at some guy stoned out of his mind flashing a peace sign and thinking "Tool," you can actually vote to have it be the name he's listed under permanently! ...Or at least until he puts up a new photo to judge.
If Myspace would just follow these rules, I bet in one year we'd all be saying--
"Wow, I haven't checked my Facebook in forever!"
--And then we'll Enemy Request that kid who ate our crayons in 2nd Grade, and forget all about that OTHER site.
At this point, Myspace may as well pack up and shut down.
It's become the old friend that we all forget to call.
Still, I wondered--is there anything that could create a Myspace comeback?
Well, I've managed to come up with ten.
Five surefire ways to put Myspace back on the map.
Here they are:
5) Crazy Advanced Search Options. Oh sure, Facebook can find people you went to high school with, but can it find the baby that was in bin next to you in the newborn wing? How about your Kindergarten teacher? Can Facebook find that guy who drove by you in traffic the other day? I'd say Facebook is leaving an awful lot of slack that Myspace could be picking up.
4) Status Updates? Pshaw, I say. What about Photo Updates? Instead of reading about what people are doing, be able to see what they're doing with easy to upload Photo Updates! Forget "John Smith is reading." SEE John Smith read! Forget "Carly is driving at a high rate of speed and eating a hamburger." SEE Carly be reckless and gain weight at the same time. Never mind "Tony is giving it to his lady gooooooooood LOL." WATCH Tony work it out Myspace style! Take that, Twitter.
3) Let Myspace tell you where you stand with both a Friends AND Enemies list. Find out your REAL social status when people request that you be their Enemy. Be able to tell your friends from your foes, and enjoy Myspace's new Easy Transfer button. That way, when you decided you're SO over Chris and all his drama, you can just hit the E.T. button and put yourself right on Chris' Kiss Off list. How's that for social networking?
2) Oh sure, Facebook tells you when someone's broken up with their significant other, but can Facebook help you when there's a couple you WANT to see evaporate? Myspace's New "Start Some S**t" application is guaranteed to end all those pesky relationships you hate twice as fast as they'd normally end. Myspace will send one half of the couple (the half you like) a message saying that they noticed the other half (the skanky half that doesn't deserve the half you like) has been macking it via e-mail to everybody on the site. Pretty soon you'll be seeing a little broken heart pop up on your feed, and you'll have good old Myspace to thank for it.
1) Finally, Myspace will take how strongly we cultivate our identities online and help us along with the new "Myspace Labels." Once someone is on Myspace, everyone else on it will be able to give them labels--just like in high school! And come on, who doesn't miss being labeled? Finally, that girl taking a photo of herself using her camera phone while standing in her bathroom wearing only a towel can get that "Tramp" label placed right on her profile! Instead of looking at some guy stoned out of his mind flashing a peace sign and thinking "Tool," you can actually vote to have it be the name he's listed under permanently! ...Or at least until he puts up a new photo to judge.
If Myspace would just follow these rules, I bet in one year we'd all be saying--
"Wow, I haven't checked my Facebook in forever!"
--And then we'll Enemy Request that kid who ate our crayons in 2nd Grade, and forget all about that OTHER site.
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