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All the Style Mistakes

Have you noticed that men's magazines are always eager to tell you that something they loved six weeks ago is now a "fashion mistake?' I swear some of these were on the "To Buy" list for the fall. I realize fashion is constantly changing, but the minute they tell me to throw out my Superman t-shirt, I'm done.

Anyway, here come the errors in judgment according to GQ:

1. Embellished Jeans: Okay, I think there are levels of embellishment. My favorite pair of jeans has an outline of a pentagon on them. Is that really all that bad? I can understand thinking that a phoenix rising from the ashes while a crowd looks on all embroidered in tan thread is going overboard, but there's got to be a middle ground here.

2. Guylights: I agree with this one whole-heartedly. Either dye your hair or leave it the way it is, but playing around with frosted tips is just...well...gay. And if you're gay already, then it doesn't matter, because it never looks good anyway.

3. Mesh Clothing: When I see someone in mesh clothing, I assume they're on meth. Let's just leave it at that.

4. Ed Hardy: Who is still wearing Ed Hardy? There should be public stonings from this point on.

5. Sunglasses indoors or at night: You might as well wear a t-shirt that said "I was cool in 1987."

6. Stupid t-shirts: I sort of agree with this one. It is kind of nice seeing just how ironic people can make irony. Although now we've gone past irony so that all that's left is empty space. In about a year, we'll be back to primary colors.

7. Overly tan: Here's my personal rule--If you don't live in a state where it's sunny year round, and it's winter, and you're tanned--you look like an idiot. Tanning is like plastic surgery--it only works if nobody knows that you've done it. And don't give me that "glow" nonsense. Nobody ever stops at the "glow." More often than not, they stop at "glowstick."

8. The Skullet: Long hair on a bald head pulled back into a ponytail. For the man who wants to look like a college professor by day, railroad-walking drifter killer by night.

9. The Fur Coat: Please tell me there aren't men out there actually wearing fur coats. Who does this rule refer to? Busta Rhymes?

10. Sports Jerseys: If you're not at a game, TAKE THEM OFF. I think most guys wear them because they're great at hiding beer guts. Just a thought.

11. Leather Pants: Unless you're in a production of The Rocky Horror Show, and they look really, really, really good on you...you know, if that applies to you.

12. Overly Cologned: I squirt three times, and I'm done. I think the trick is to be aware of how strong your cologne is. Although to be honest, I'd rather have an overly cologned guy than one who hasn't discovered the magic of Deodorant.

13. Hair Plugs: Joel McHale...

14. Colored Contacts: I think they're kind of cool, but way too costume-y to be worn out anywhere outside of a Battlestar convention.

15. Sideways Baseball Cap: Unless of course, Kris Kross makes a comeback.

16. Perms: Again, who is doing this aside from that blind kid on American Idol last year?

17. Pinky Rings: Looks like I have to call my Dad and my Uncle Anthony.

So if you're committing any of these, you're in severe violation of GQ's style code.

You're also probably eight-seven years old.

Just putting that out there.

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