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Since the Shooting

It's been eleven years since the shooting at Columbine. I was a freshman in high school when it happened.

Since then, there have been other shootings. Yet for some reason, the name "Columbine" is the one that still stops people in their tracks.

I could try to reconstruct a timeline of the repercussions caused by the shooting, but it would be impossible to figure out how many tributaries sprung up from that one tragic river.

Instead, I thought I'd recount how I remember feeling changed after the shooting. It was such a personal experience for so many people my age. There is no general feeling about it, and maybe that's why it still sticks to so many minds. Like Vietnam or one of the World Wars, it's become a generational marker.

I remember always having a liberal way of thinking, but after Columbine, I became a fervent liberal. When conservatives were shooting down suggestions for tougher gun control, all I could think about was how insensitive they were. Here I was, in school, at risk as far as I knew, and they were shooting off the "Guns don't kill people" line.

No, guns don't kill people, but they certainly don't help people either. Even at fourteen, I remember thinking that it was insane to suggest that someone should have the right to own a weapon that could kill ten people in under a minute. Knives can't do that. Only guns can. I didn't see why this was so hard to understand. I recall my liberal ideologies cementing in that moment.

I became severely disgusted with the media. Here were two kids looking for fame through means of mass murder, and the media delivered it to them on a silver platter--guaranteeing that they would be martyrs for other kids who thought that maybe taking out a few classmates was the way to immortality. I found the exploitation of the entire tragedy incredibly distasteful, and to this day, I avoid local and national news at all costs.

I also remember looking at people my own age with distrust. Whereas before I would always assume someone was a potential friend, my entire mind frame flipped. Now, everybody that I didn't know was a danger to me. Kids wearing black became possible assassins. The bullied and the disgruntled--people I identified with before--became ticking time bombs in my mind.

I look back on that now and feel horrible that I probably perpetuated the types of situations that caused Columbine to happen in the first place. David Cullen's book on Columbine debunks the myth that the shooters were picked on, responding to the bullying they suffered at school. Still, as someone who was in school at that time, I remember the barrage of pop music and boy bands. Yes, it still exists, but I feel like back then there was such a specific image of what attractive was, of what cool was, of what acceptable was...

Since the shooting I worry for kids that age. I worry that there are even more kids out there looking for help, and they're not getting it. Their parents are overworked, their teachers are overburdened, and they're surrounded by bad influences and mixed messages.

Nobody has ever talked about Columbine as being a generational cry for help, but I think that's what it was. It was decades of teen angst coming to a head and saying 'Something needs to change. We're going in the wrong direction.'

A lot has happened but since then, but unfortunately, I still don't think anybody heard THAT message.

I don't think anybody's realized that not enough has changed since the shooting.

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