"Oh sweetie, we were going to go see your show tonight, but then it started to rain. I mean, it was a light rain, but still...I don't like driving in the rain. And it was definitely raining. I mean, it stopped a couple of times, and there was a twenty minute period there where it actually looked sort of sunny, but we didn't know it was going to be a twenty minute period--it could have really started to downpour. That's the thing. You never know. So we didn't end up going. Sorry, sweetie."
"Hey Mister! Sorry we missed your show. I was just so sick. If only it hadn't been the last one. It destroys me that I missed it. It kills me. It utterly eradicates my soul because I had to miss the show. I would give up teeth to go back in time and see it one of the other seventy-eight times you performed it, but you know me, always waiting until the last minute, and then there I was, coughing a few times, and I thought--better to stay in. Too bad it was the last show. Oh God, if only...What? Extended? Until when? Ohhh, um, you know, I think I'm in Bermuda that week. I think I just told Marty to book a trip to Bermuda five minutes from now--I mean, ago, five minutes ago--and so I won't be in town. God, if only I could be in two places at once. Gosh, I'm so sorry, Mister Man."
"Hi Darling! I'm so sorry I missed your show. I thought it was at nine thirty. I know--every show in the world starts between seven and eight, but for some reason, I just thought that yours would start at nine thirty. No clue why. I just thought it did. Nine thirty--that's when I was ready to leave, and then I popped on Facebook, and there it was--eight o'clock. God, I feel so silly. I WAS still able to make that late movie, however, so the evening wasn't totally lost. Sorry again about the show though, darling."
"Heyyyyyyyy Buddy! Sorry I missed your show! I just got soooooo busy. First there was this Dirty Dancing marathon on Friday night. Then on Saturday I had this birthday party for this guy who knows a friend of mine from college that I did a show with once, and then Sunday afternoon I started reading War and Peace and just got totally distracted, and the next thing I knew--whole weekend gone! Man, it sucks being so busy."
"Hello Pumpkin! Sorry I missed your show. To be honest, it just didn't sound like something I was going to like, and so what would have been the point of me being there, right? I mean, I only go to things I think I can respond to creatively. I don't tend to go to anything that involves me thinking, or being uncomfortable, or engaging, or focusing, or concentrating, or listening. So basically, I stick to Christmas pageants and productions of Babes in Arms. Was there even any singing in your play? Oh, yeah, then I definitely wouldn't have liked that."
"Hola Babyface, it's me. I am just so sorry that I missed your show, but honestly, I am so broke. The night of your show, I literally had fifty dollars in my wallet. Oh, I know your show was only ten bucks, but keep in mind, I had to go out drinking that night, plus go out to eat and order at least five appetizers, then pay cover for the club we all went to in order to do the drinking, and the pre-gaming liquor, AND gas AND I needed a new shirt, so ten bucks for your show was just a luxury I can't really afford right now."
"Oh sweetie, we were going to go see your show tonight, but it was just so nice out. I mean, to sit in a theater when it's that nice out just seems crazy, don't you think? Oh, you definitely feel like going out, but not staying inside somewhere. I mean, we did end up staying inside at the restaurant and the movie theater and the mall, but we were walking around in those places. It just feels different. Maybe in the fall when the weather is cooler, we'll come see one of your shows. Not too cool though, or else it's cold, and we don't go see theater in the cold. If it snows or rains or is slightly chilly out, we just don't bother. Of course, this summer it'll get too hot to go out and do anything. It's all about timing, I suppose. Don't they say that in the theater? That it's all about the timing?"
"Hey Mister! Sorry we missed your show. I was just so sick. If only it hadn't been the last one. It destroys me that I missed it. It kills me. It utterly eradicates my soul because I had to miss the show. I would give up teeth to go back in time and see it one of the other seventy-eight times you performed it, but you know me, always waiting until the last minute, and then there I was, coughing a few times, and I thought--better to stay in. Too bad it was the last show. Oh God, if only...What? Extended? Until when? Ohhh, um, you know, I think I'm in Bermuda that week. I think I just told Marty to book a trip to Bermuda five minutes from now--I mean, ago, five minutes ago--and so I won't be in town. God, if only I could be in two places at once. Gosh, I'm so sorry, Mister Man."
"Hi Darling! I'm so sorry I missed your show. I thought it was at nine thirty. I know--every show in the world starts between seven and eight, but for some reason, I just thought that yours would start at nine thirty. No clue why. I just thought it did. Nine thirty--that's when I was ready to leave, and then I popped on Facebook, and there it was--eight o'clock. God, I feel so silly. I WAS still able to make that late movie, however, so the evening wasn't totally lost. Sorry again about the show though, darling."
"Heyyyyyyyy Buddy! Sorry I missed your show! I just got soooooo busy. First there was this Dirty Dancing marathon on Friday night. Then on Saturday I had this birthday party for this guy who knows a friend of mine from college that I did a show with once, and then Sunday afternoon I started reading War and Peace and just got totally distracted, and the next thing I knew--whole weekend gone! Man, it sucks being so busy."
"Hello Pumpkin! Sorry I missed your show. To be honest, it just didn't sound like something I was going to like, and so what would have been the point of me being there, right? I mean, I only go to things I think I can respond to creatively. I don't tend to go to anything that involves me thinking, or being uncomfortable, or engaging, or focusing, or concentrating, or listening. So basically, I stick to Christmas pageants and productions of Babes in Arms. Was there even any singing in your play? Oh, yeah, then I definitely wouldn't have liked that."
"Hola Babyface, it's me. I am just so sorry that I missed your show, but honestly, I am so broke. The night of your show, I literally had fifty dollars in my wallet. Oh, I know your show was only ten bucks, but keep in mind, I had to go out drinking that night, plus go out to eat and order at least five appetizers, then pay cover for the club we all went to in order to do the drinking, and the pre-gaming liquor, AND gas AND I needed a new shirt, so ten bucks for your show was just a luxury I can't really afford right now."
"Oh sweetie, we were going to go see your show tonight, but it was just so nice out. I mean, to sit in a theater when it's that nice out just seems crazy, don't you think? Oh, you definitely feel like going out, but not staying inside somewhere. I mean, we did end up staying inside at the restaurant and the movie theater and the mall, but we were walking around in those places. It just feels different. Maybe in the fall when the weather is cooler, we'll come see one of your shows. Not too cool though, or else it's cold, and we don't go see theater in the cold. If it snows or rains or is slightly chilly out, we just don't bother. Of course, this summer it'll get too hot to go out and do anything. It's all about timing, I suppose. Don't they say that in the theater? That it's all about the timing?"
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