If you watch a marathon of America's Next Top Model--or eighteen marathons, depending on how often you stumble upon the WE channel and become trapped in the ANTM vortex--you will discover something shocking.
Tyra Banks is superhuman.
No, I'm not saying Tyra Banks is super in terms of personality or intelligence, because we all know that's not true.
I'm saying she is actually stronger than the average human being, and perhaps, impossible to destroy.
If you need proof of this, watch any episode where a girl gets sick and fails to perform in a challenge, and you'll hear Tyra say--
"One time, I was in Africa, and an elephant stepped on my head--but I still got the shot!"
--or--
"One time, someone threw scalding hot oil in my face right before a bikini cover shoot--but I still got the shot!"
--or--
"One time, I was doing a photo shoot on top of a nuclear bomb, and it went off, blowing me into a million pieces that then had to be reassembled before we ran out of natural light--but I still got the shot!"
It would seem that Tyra's a little bit like Moses or other biblical figures, who can live lifetimes longer than other people.
No matter what situation someone presents to her, she's already seen it, done it, and conquered it.
"What do you mean you couldn't get the shot because we made you hang from Mount Rushmore while smizing at George Washington? Try smizing at George Washington while you're sitting next to him on a boat crossing the Delaware while posing for a portrait--but I still got the shot!"
And at the end of every episode, she has to make the decision of which model stays and which model goes. Tyra handles this as Solomon handled decisions--with great wisdom and lots of insults.
"Thirisha, the judges feel that you look old in photos, which means you should be left on an iceberg and sent out to sea. Millenium, the judges feel that your mother should have given you away to a run-down orphanage in Iceland as soon as you were born. So who stays and who goes? The 19-year-old hag who already has a slight wrinkle underneath her left eye or sweet girl who's tipping the scales at seventy-eight pounds..."
Even after all that, the girl who stays ends up feeling relieved and happy to get to spend another week in the competition.
That's the magic of Tyra for you.
Mere human?
I think not.
Tyra Banks is superhuman.
No, I'm not saying Tyra Banks is super in terms of personality or intelligence, because we all know that's not true.
I'm saying she is actually stronger than the average human being, and perhaps, impossible to destroy.
If you need proof of this, watch any episode where a girl gets sick and fails to perform in a challenge, and you'll hear Tyra say--
"One time, I was in Africa, and an elephant stepped on my head--but I still got the shot!"
--or--
"One time, someone threw scalding hot oil in my face right before a bikini cover shoot--but I still got the shot!"
--or--
"One time, I was doing a photo shoot on top of a nuclear bomb, and it went off, blowing me into a million pieces that then had to be reassembled before we ran out of natural light--but I still got the shot!"
It would seem that Tyra's a little bit like Moses or other biblical figures, who can live lifetimes longer than other people.
No matter what situation someone presents to her, she's already seen it, done it, and conquered it.
"What do you mean you couldn't get the shot because we made you hang from Mount Rushmore while smizing at George Washington? Try smizing at George Washington while you're sitting next to him on a boat crossing the Delaware while posing for a portrait--but I still got the shot!"
And at the end of every episode, she has to make the decision of which model stays and which model goes. Tyra handles this as Solomon handled decisions--with great wisdom and lots of insults.
"Thirisha, the judges feel that you look old in photos, which means you should be left on an iceberg and sent out to sea. Millenium, the judges feel that your mother should have given you away to a run-down orphanage in Iceland as soon as you were born. So who stays and who goes? The 19-year-old hag who already has a slight wrinkle underneath her left eye or sweet girl who's tipping the scales at seventy-eight pounds..."
Even after all that, the girl who stays ends up feeling relieved and happy to get to spend another week in the competition.
That's the magic of Tyra for you.
Mere human?
I think not.
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