Skip to main content

The Fox News Coffee Shop Mystery

While I was rehearsing "That Might Not Be Sex," I would often go to a coffee shop in my town to meet with people.

Usually, the two television sets in the place are set to Fox News.

Initially I thought it was sort of unfair. Shouldn't one be turned to MSNBC or the Food Network or something?

Then I realized that most of the people in my town who go to this coffee shop are probably old, Italian conservatives who like their news with a side of grumpy. So I got over it.

Then I noticed the Trio.

Two older guys and a girl in her teens. They were sitting in the comfortable chairs right in front of one of the television sets watching Fox News--rapt with attention.

Every once in awhile, they'd comment on what was happening, and it would always be something like--

"See that? See that? Yup. Yup."

This, of course, utterly disturbed me.

Not because they were agreeing with whatever was on Fox News, but just because the idea of anybody watching any 24 News Channel that intently and clearly convinced that everything they were seeing was true was horrifying to me.

I wanted to say something, but wasn't sure how to do that without coming across as the pushy liberal that I obviously am.

There was always the option of just saying something to myself, but then wouldn't I look as crazy as these three are?

Let's only touch upon the fact that my child abduction sensors were in hyper-overdrive. This girl looked a little too old to be kidnapped, but at the same time, what was with the two guys?

Was it a My Two Dads situation? Considering they were Fox News junkies, I'm thinking that's a negative. Was one of them her dad or her gymnastics coach or were they both her pageant tutors?

I was going to call the police, but I had no idea how to describe this horror show.

So instead, I kept on drinking my strawberry smoothie.

Hey, you can't save everybody.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A List of People Who Can Go to Hell Now That I Can't Have Elizabeth Warren

So today was a rough day for everybody who isn't a @#$%-ing #$%hole. Let's just start there. If that upsets you, by all means, go straight to hell. This entire rant is going to be exactly what it sounds like. I am mad and I am going to exercise my right to BLOG ABOUT IT LIKE IT'S 1995, SO BUCKLE UP, BUTTERCUP. I really don't even know where to start, so let's just jump right in with the first person who comes to mind. Bloomberg, go to hell.  You really didn't have anything specific to do with today, but you can just go to hell for spending an ungodly amount of money on literally nothing.  I mean, you could have lit millions of dollars on fire and at least warmed the hands of the homeless, but instead, you made tv stations across the country that are already owned by Conservatives rich, so kudos to you and go to hell. Amy Klobuchar, I STUCK UP FOR YOU AMY.  I got into FIGHTS on SOCIAL MEDIA while DEFENDING your sorry, self-interested ass.  You know

Theater and the Outbreak

After last week's interview, a representative from a theater that recently experienced the results of opening too soon reached out to speak with me. I want to thank this person for coming forward in the hopes that it'll change some minds about what's safe and what isn't when it comes to the performing arts. Here's the interview: ME:  So this wasn't a full production or-- THEM:  No. It was us trying to do a little something for friends and donors. ME:  Who is 'us?' THEM:  The board of _____. ME:  And how long have you been on the board? THEM:  Three years. ME:  What was this going to be? THEM:  There's a, uh, beautiful park here in town, and we wanted to do an outdoor performance of a Shakespeare as a benefit, because, as you know, theaters are having a hard time right now paying the bills. We checked with the local government and the health department for the state to make sure we were doing everything the way we needed to in order to keep everyone s

People You Know Are More Important Than People You Don't Know

This post is in response to arguing with people--straight and gay alike--about a certain celebrity, whether or not she's an ally, if she's pandering, if pandering matters, and whether or not I'm an asshole. The last part is probably an enthusiastic "Yes" but let's reflect on this for a bit anyway without actually giving more time to an argument about a person none of us know, which is a crucial part of what I want to talk about. People you know are more important than people you don't know. I realize it's tricky in an age where we've never been closer or more engaged to our celebrities to keep in mind that we do not know them, they are not our friends, and while we may love them and stan and feel like we're attacked when they're attacked-- That is not true. That is not real. They are in no tangible way connected to us. Now, as someone who is obsessed with pop culture, I get that it's a little hypocritical for me to be making