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The Fox News Coffee Shop Mystery

While I was rehearsing "That Might Not Be Sex," I would often go to a coffee shop in my town to meet with people.

Usually, the two television sets in the place are set to Fox News.

Initially I thought it was sort of unfair. Shouldn't one be turned to MSNBC or the Food Network or something?

Then I realized that most of the people in my town who go to this coffee shop are probably old, Italian conservatives who like their news with a side of grumpy. So I got over it.

Then I noticed the Trio.

Two older guys and a girl in her teens. They were sitting in the comfortable chairs right in front of one of the television sets watching Fox News--rapt with attention.

Every once in awhile, they'd comment on what was happening, and it would always be something like--

"See that? See that? Yup. Yup."

This, of course, utterly disturbed me.

Not because they were agreeing with whatever was on Fox News, but just because the idea of anybody watching any 24 News Channel that intently and clearly convinced that everything they were seeing was true was horrifying to me.

I wanted to say something, but wasn't sure how to do that without coming across as the pushy liberal that I obviously am.

There was always the option of just saying something to myself, but then wouldn't I look as crazy as these three are?

Let's only touch upon the fact that my child abduction sensors were in hyper-overdrive. This girl looked a little too old to be kidnapped, but at the same time, what was with the two guys?

Was it a My Two Dads situation? Considering they were Fox News junkies, I'm thinking that's a negative. Was one of them her dad or her gymnastics coach or were they both her pageant tutors?

I was going to call the police, but I had no idea how to describe this horror show.

So instead, I kept on drinking my strawberry smoothie.

Hey, you can't save everybody.

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